Affective (or emotional) empathy enables you to feel and mirror someone else’s emotions. Cognitive empathy allows you to recognize another person’s mental state and better understand their perspective.
Maintain eye contact with the other person and fully face them while they talk. Smile and nod so they know you’re engaged with the conversation. Offer a few short verbal affirmations to show them you’re listening. Say things like, “Mmhm,” “Go on!” or “I understand. " Be careful not to speak over the other person—wait for a pause before talking.
If someone gets upset over something you said, for example, stop and think about it. Is there an aspect of their background that explains why they’re mad? Would you be upset if someone said that to you? When you feel the other person’s emotions like they’re your own, it’s easier to understand and relate to them.
A good verbal acknowledgment could be, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” or “That sounds really challenging!” React based on what they tell you, and show them you understand how they feel. Show interest by saying something like, “How are you feeling?” or “What has that been like for you?” If they describe a problem, you could add, “Can I help?” or “Let me know if there’s anything I can do!” Offer support and encouragement. You could say, “I’m so proud of you, and I’m here for you no matter what,” or “I’m happy to listen to you anytime. What do you need right now?”
If you feel like you don’t want to be around someone or you don’t like them, ask yourself why. Get to know them a bit more and put yourself in their shoes. Empathy will help you connect and relate to them. Remember that even if you don’t agree with someone, you can still empathize. And after getting to know them better, you might find reasons to change your mind about the person. It’s normal to slip up every now and again. Press pause if you start thinking about a disagreement or feeling critical about someone’s choices. Return your attention to them and focus solely on listening.
Talk to strangers. If you sit next to someone on a bus, start a conversation instead of reading a book! Try getting to know a neighbor or colleague you see often but rarely speak to. Social media is also handy for getting to know new and unfamiliar people. Follow a wide range of individuals with different backgrounds from yours on social media to get a sense of what their daily life is like.
Pay special attention to body signals that indicate how you feel. For example, a knot in your stomach is a sign of nervousness. If your body is tense and your jaw is clenched, you could be stressed or frustrated. Your thoughts can also tell you how you’re feeling. For instance, if you’re thinking, “That’s not fair,” you might feel angry or upset. If you think, “This could be fun!” you’re likely excited or hopeful. Find a healthy outlet for negative emotions like anger and sadness, even if you just need to cry for a while. Try writing in a journal and talk to a trusted confidante as well. It’s more fun to distract yourself with TV or games than think about sad things, but that prevents you from understanding your own emotions—or expressing them to someone else.
For example, you could say, “I’m feeling a little upset over something that happened at work. Could we talk about it? I’d like to get someone else’s perspective on this. " Take it one step at a time. You don’t have to open all the floodgates at once. Ease into vulnerability by asking your partner for a small, easy favor or telling your friend one emotional detail about your day.
You don’t have to have a similar background to someone else to feel empathy for them. Being empathetic is about experiencing what someone else is feeling. It doesn’t have to be something you’ve felt before. Understand that everyone has biases that are subconsciously learned, but you can actively work to correct them. Identify and challenge your prejudices as you get to know people from all walks of life.
For example, volunteer at your local animal shelter, a nursing home, or a soup kitchen. Join a local committee or do political activism. Start a book club for people who really like science fiction or create a support group for anyone dealing with loss and grief. Volunteering for a meaningful cause will help you empathize with the people you’re helping and those around you.
For example, if your friend seems tired and stressed, you might suggest a casual, relaxing movie night rather than a loud and boisterous group outing at the bar.
