The relationship may feel like it is serving the other person much more than it is serving you. Is it your responsibility to take care of this person? Think about what options you have, and that the other person is capable of making choices, too.

Chances are, you’ve probably already given this person “just one more chance” without much changing. If you end the codependent relationship yet the person is still in your life (like a parent or sibling), be firm in enforcing your boundaries. Be firm, even when the person pleads with you to stay. Say, “I’ve given this a lot of thought and I am sure of my decision. I am not willing to waver on my decision. ”

You can say, “I’ve noticed that the way we interact isn’t healthy. I’m realizing how little I take care of myself. It’s important for me to keep boundaries, and that means ending this relationship with you. ”

If the person starts to accuse you, say, “I’m not willing to talk about things from the past or get into an argument with you. I’m letting you know how I feel and that I am leaving. ” For more information, check out How to Calm an Angry Person.

For example, “I” statement keep the focus on you and not on blaming the other person. Instead of saying, “You take all of my attention and you wear me out” say, “I’ve put myself in this position and find myself tired all the time. This isn’t good for me. ”

For example, If your brother is hungover and wants you to call his work with an excuse, say to him, “It was not my decision to drink last night. This is a consequence you have to deal with on your own. ” if you need to study for a test and a friend calls you to talk about her problems, say, “I care about you and want to support you, however, it’s important for me to study for my exam tomorrow. Why don’t we check in tomorrow?” If you want to set specific boundaries, let the person know. Say, “We may have to work some things out, but I’m unwilling to meet with you face to face. I want to limit our communication to texts. ” For more information, check out How to Stop Being a People Pleaser.

For example, you may have felt like you had a sense of purpose by taking care of someone who was an alcoholic or that had a major medical condition. You may love the feeling of “being needed” or being in control. [6] X Research source

Often, abandonment issues start in childhood or with a traumatic event. It’s beneficial to work through these issues in order to help you free yourself from the fear of abandonment.

As you think about ending the codependent relationship, reflect on where you derive your sense of self-worth. How do you perceive yourself? What are your own thoughts about who you are and what you deserve? Do other people seem more able to attain success or happiness than you?[9] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source

Start to regain a sense of what your own needs are. For instance, do you need alone time to recharge after a stressful day? What do you do to cope with stress? Have you neglected your nutritional or exercise needs? What about sleep?

You can also create emotional distance from this person. Gently let the person know that you are not willing to respond to texts, emails, or phone calls. Say, “I want this relationship to be complete. I don’t want this to be confusing and I think we both need time to process. For that reason, I don’t plan to respond to texts, phone calls, or emails. ”

You may choose to process your feelings through a journal, by talking to a friend, or by seeing a therapist.

Allow grief to run its course. Let go of what may have been and accept what is. One way to work through grief is by observing your body. The more you think, the less connected you are to your emotional experience. When experiencing emotions, pay attention to how it feels in your body. Where do you feel it, and what kind of sensation do you feel? Let the bodily sensations and the emotions move through you.

For more information, check out How to Build a Social Network.

A therapist’s role is to challenge and support you. Be prepared to grow and approach difficult aspects of yourself in therapy.