You can write down a list of potential conversation starters. You could, for example, talk about an assignment if you’re making conversation in class. You could even practice in the mirror ahead of time. While it may sound a little silly, if you’re often nervous about starting a conversation this can be helpful.
When you approach the person, try a simple greeting. You can say something like, “Hi” or “How are you?”
Conversation starters should be personal and reflect genuine interest. Instead of commenting on the weather, mention something the other party can relate to. You should also bring up something of genuine interest to you. It’s hard to feign interest, and people want to converse with those who are generally invested in them. For example, you’re at a party at a friend’s place. You see a casual acquaintance there who you know just took the bar exam. You’re interested in law, as your brother is an attorney. You can say something like, “Hey, how did the bar exam go?” This is a great way to begin a conversation. If you’re very nervous, you can look for something nearby to discuss. While this is less personal, it can work in a bind. You can, for example, comment on a painting on the wall.
Ask questions about what the other person is saying. Make a rule that, before you bring up your own experience or interests, you ask at least one question about what the other person said. For example, you’re talking about a mutual interest in hockey. Ask something like, “Did you play hockey as a kid?” before talking about your favorite teams.
Remember to engage in only one thing at a time. When a person is talking, pay attention to what they’re saying. Keep your mind focused on the present moment instead of planning what you’ll say next. It’s inevitable that you will think of something that relates. That’s okay. It can be good to have some response ready, but don’t spend time thinking of how to word your response. You can figure that out after the other person stops talking.
Make a point of pausing for a second between sentences. If the other person does not say anything, continue talking. However, the other person may have a chance to convey interest in what you’re expressing. He or she may have something to share or contribute. If the person wants to end the conversation, a brief pause can give him or her the opportunity to do so smoothly.
What is this person passionate about? What does he or she do for fun? These are things to keep in the back of your mind. If you’re able to bring them up later, this shows you were listening. For example, a friend told a story about fishing with her dad. A few minutes later, an opportunity comes for to share a story about your father. You can say something like, “Oh, you know how you went fishing with your dad? My dad took me once as a kid, but it was a complete disaster. . . " You can then tell an amusing anecdote.
Be genuine when trying to relate. If your relation to the situation is a stretch, people will pick up on this. Do not force the conversation. Wait for a moment you can genuinely relate to. For example, a friend is talking about a movie you’ve never seen, but then mentions how it was kind of like a TV show you like. Take this opportunity to say something like, “Oh, yeah. I’ve seen that show. Yeah, I like films and TV shows that have kind of confusing plots too. "
Give a reason you have to leave the conversation. At an event, you could say you need to meet up with friends or run to the bathroom. If you’re conversing at work, you can say you need to get back to a task. For example, “Well, I should catch up with my friends. " From there, express gratitude for having had the chance to talk. For example, “It was really great talking to you. " Then, restate a few things that were discussed. This shows you were engaged and attentive. For example, “I will have to check out that book you mentioned. "
One way to remind yourself to enunciate is to repeat to yourself, “Enunciate, Articulate, Exaggerate. ” Say these words out loud and speak every syllable of each word in a clear, audible voice. [12] X Research source You might also practice speaking clearly before you have a conversation with someone. Say some of the things you want or expect to say in a clear, audible voice.
Remember, there’s a good chance this person knows someone you know. Avoid bad talking friends, family members, or colleagues. You should also avoid sharing very private information, especially with strangers of acquaintances. For example, avoid talking about or asking someone about their income, health problems, family issues, abilities, differences, or the amount of food they eat. If an event includes alcohol, you may loosen up a bit, but try to remember to avoid over sharing. Do not, say, complain about a breakup or tell your life story.
One way to avoid one-upping is to keep the focus on the other person. Ask questions about things that the person has mentioned and comment on what they have shared as well. For example, if someone mentions a recent vacation they took, then you might say something like, “That sounds amazing! What sights did you see while you were there?”
Phrases like, “Huh?” and “What?” come off as too abrupt. It can make the speaker feel awkward. If you need clarification at any point, try something like, “Excuse me?” or “I’m sorry, I’m having trouble hearing. What was that?” These come off as more polite.
