More men than women are thought to have fetishes, but this estimate is likely misleading. Because men tend to experience erections and consistent ejaculation, women and genderqueer folks are less often identified as having fetishes in research studies. At least 1/4 of the adult videos produced in the US depict fetishes.
The main thing you are looking for is open, honest communication regarding your fetish. If a website is attempting to sell you things, or make you feel ashamed about your fetish, consider moving on. Your fetish may be exciting and feel risky, but it shouldn’t actually expose you to genuine danger. Look for communities which employ safe sexual practices. Online communities can be safe places to ask questions about your fetish, or to find items related to your fetish.
Masturbating to fetishes might be a safe way to participate in certain fetishes that can’t actually be safely practiced (such as sex with animals). If you have a fetish that might result in physical injury to yourself or someone else, learn to engage in it safely. Talk to others in the fetish community about how to maintain safe sexual practices within your fetish.
For many people, the fetish object only needs to be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter. A fetish item can be something that you require to be present before becoming sexually aroused, or it might not be required for you to enjoy sex.
Take precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. You should always use barriers and condoms when appropriate. Remember that communication is one of the most important parts of sexual intimacy, particularly when you’re experimenting with something, or someone, new. Always communicate when you start to feel unsafe, and immediately respond to another person’s indication of discomfort.
Some sorts of fetishes, such as diaper fetishes, are more taboo than others in contemporary American culture. If you have a taboo fetish, you’re at higher than average risk for isolation and depression. Remember that your sexuality is about more than your fetish. While your fetish may be an important factor of sexual fulfillment, it is not your identity. Sexual frustration can result in depression. Talking to a sex-positive counselor or therapist may help you find support.
Your partner may already be aware of your interests, or they may not be. Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, you may want to set aside time for a lengthy conversation on the fetish. Start slowly by saying, “Hey, I have a fantasy,” or “This really turns me on. Would you want to do something like that?”
Don’t be ashamed. If you feel ashamed, you’ll be sending a mixed message to your partner, and it will result in harm to your own self-esteem. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. You don’t have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don’t get defensive. Having a fetish is normal and natural.
If your partner refuses to talk about your fetish, give it time. They may just need time to process, or they may be in denial. Discussing fetishes might make some people nervous. Never force the conversation.
Show them some online information that they can continue to explore on their own. Remember, they may not know how to put their thoughts and feelings about your fetish into words. This will take time, but you can help through asking your own questions.
If you’ve found a supportive community, you may have also found ways to introduce the topic of your fetish with your partner. Sometimes you can find a group for people new to the fetish community which can be a resource for your partner to learn more about your fetish.
A therapist or counselor may be able to help you through this juncture of your relationship. Most sex-positive therapist support adapting the relationship to the needs of the person with the fetish rather than working to eliminate the fetish itself.
