If you distance yourself to avoid getting hurt, communicate that to your crush: “I tend to pull away when I catch feelings, but I don’t want to do that with you. ” If you reject people that you have feelings for, try to take things slow: “I like you, and I’m nervous about that. Can we take things slow at the beginning?” If you tend to feel desperate and insecure in love, recenter yourself: “I know that this isn’t about them, it’s about me. Today, I’m going to focus on things I can control. ”
Try therapy and journaling to heal. If you’ve been cheated on, for instance, processing with a pro can help you keep that from affecting new romances. Things like exercise, creative expression, or even socializing make us feel more like ourselves. Wish you were someone who read more? Go be that person! Negative self talk feeds insecurity. So instead, challenge them: “No, brain, I’m not the dumbest person in my class. I’m still learning, and that’s great!”
You’ll never find love: Actually people find love all of the time, and if I put myself out there, there’s no reason that I won’t too. You’re unlovable: This isn’t true. Everyone deserves love, and my future partner will be so glad that I’m such an affectionate, loyal person. I’m too broken for love: I’m working to heal myself every day, and that’s huge. Plus, people don’t need to be totally healed in order to be ready for love.
For instance, if you went on a date with someone and had a good time, don’t make them chase. Instead, tell them you’d like to hang again: “I had a great time. . . ” Opening up is an important part of building a relationship. You don’t have to confess your deepest feelings right away, but honesty, not mind games, is the key to love.
Hang out with people you love. You know that friend who always makes you smile? Call them up for a quick coffee to get your mind off of things. Enjoy something you’re passionate about. No matter your relationship status, your love of reading, painting, or running doesn’t change. Go enjoy it! Take a self-care day. A little relaxation and pampering can go a long way, leaving you rejuvenated. Buy a treat, get a facial, or take a long nap.
The more people you meet, the more likely you meet someone you really connect with. Every new conversation is another opportunity to start a romantic connection. 39% of people meet their spouse through friends. So even if your new friend isn’t a love match, they might introduce you to someone who is. Over time, you’ll become an even better conversationalist, and your social confidence will probably skyrocket, too. This’ll give you an even greater shot at love.
If you meet someone that you like, invite them to an event related to your group. Maybe a great author is coming to town, another big reader might love to join. Or, get your friends to sign up for an adult’s sports league. You’ll meet new people at every game, and you can always ask the winners to buy drinks for the losers.
Consider making a Tinder profile, a Bumble profile, a Hinge profile, an eHarmony profile, or take a quiz that matches you to your perfect app. Reach out to matches that spark your interest. Do your best to send a message that will show how fun, funny, and kind you can be.
Maybe a sense of humor and honesty top your list. In conversation, do you see them exhibiting these characteristics? Overlapping goals and interests can help, too. If you love the outdoors and want kids, does this person share the same feelings? While physical attraction plays a part in finding a spark, to a lot of people this isn’t the key to loving relationships. Don’t prioritize this over the most important things.
Sometimes, the ideas we have about who we want can change over time, or be less important than we think. If you start to experience feelings for someone you hadn’t considered a good match, why not lean into them? Staying open and flexible about your romantic life is one of the keys to finding someone great.
Stay curious in love. Ask them about what makes them tick—their childhood, their fears, their passions, and their memories. Try to see the best in them. Isn’t their laugh so cute? Doesn’t their career fascinate you? Make sure to express your positive feelings, too. When you’re together, focus on having a ball. Try a new sport together, go to a comedy show, buy each other wacky outfits from the thrift store, anything.
Set aside distraction-free time to chat. Ask each other open-ended questions, like, “What was the most interesting part of your day?” to stay connected. Be open about your goals and plans. [16] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019. Continue talking about where you see the relationship going and what you hope for the future. [17] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If one of you is feeling unfulfilled, create a safe space to talk it through. Brainstorm solutions, all while being as transparent and judgment-free as you can be.
Schedule regular date nights and mix it up when you do. [19] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019. Try a new restaurant or explore a new part of your city. Take on an exciting challenge or learn a new skill together. You could go skydiving, hike or go rock climbing, or take a cooking class. Plan a thrilling getaway. Has your partner always wanted to see Portugal? Book a trip. Or, do a simple staycation—this can work wonders, too.
If your partner loves long-distance running, let them enjoy that alone. But still, show up when they have a big race, homemade sign and all. As relationships mature, people sometimes feel like they’re losing themselves. Independent goals can help you avoid this, all while staying close to your partner.
Look for ways you can improve their life without being asked. Did they stain their favorite sweater? Buy them a replacement. Pick them up when they’re feeling down. If you’re partner had a stressful day, surprise them with dinner and a bubble bath at home. Share responsibilities. If one partner takes on more work, resentment might follow. Ask them to let you know how they’re feeling about household workloads.
For example, “I feel like I do more around the house. Could we discuss?” is healthy, but “You’re lazy. You never do anything,” is not. When resolving an argument, avoid holding grudges, bringing up the past, or threatening to break up as a knee-jerk response—this creates an unhealthy dynamic. If you or your partner need to cool off, that’s okay. Take a break: “I think we could both use some space to chill out. Let’s discuss this when we’re calm. ”
