If you try to compare yourself to other people, it will not affect your self esteem well, because you can always find someone who is stronger, smarter, or prettier than you. Instead, focus on being the person that you want to become, not like your neighbor, the “cool” people in your school, your job, or your neighborhood. Once you define your own version of success, you’ll be able to achieve it. You may feel like everyone around you has it better than you do. However, you probably forget all of your amazing strengths. You may not even realize all of the things you have going for you and that someone else wants to be more like you. [1] X Research source
To look more confident, perk up your body language. Stand taller, have better posture, and look straight ahead instead of at the ground. Try to sit still or stand with an open demeanor to give off a more positive, approachable vibe. Find something to really excel at or work on excelling in something you already love. If you are already great at something, focus on how amazing you are for being able to do those things. Try to focus on your abilities and how capable you are. You’ll feel better about yourself if you’re good at something that you love. When you’re entering an unknown situation, focus on the best thing that can possibly happen instead of what can go wrong. [3] X Research source
Some qualities to describe yourself might be loving, studious, hardworking, friendly, strong, clever, sharp, easygoing, and fun. You can also add things about your physical appearance that you like as well, as long as they are sincerely important to you. You want to cover every aspect of you in this list. You should also add to the list any time you think of something else you’re proud of. Keep this list nearby and consult it often to continue feeling good. You can even fold it up and put it in your wallet. If you are having trouble making this list yourself, consult people who know you well. Ask your friends or coworkers to describe your strengths; some of them might surprise you!
If you feel extremely sad, be sure to talk someone who cares about you and who will listen to your problems. If you have felt very sad for at least half a year, consult a medical professional. When you’re in a bad mood, your body also knows it. Think about which part of your body gets out of whack when you’re crabby or upset. If you recognize your body’s signals, you may be able to figure out what’s bothering you and make yourself feel better. [6] X Research source
You can work on recognizing when your thoughts are overly negative and turn them around to lead yourself to a healthier mindset. For every negative thought that crosses your mind, fight it with at least two or three positive thoughts. For example, if you think, “I look so tired today,” you can say, “But my hair looks pretty great and I still have an amazing smile. " Be compassionate toward yourself. Talk to yourself like you would the person/animal you most love when you’re hurting inside. On a deeper level, if you think something like, “I am just so awkward in social situations,” you should say, “But I usually know how to make people laugh and people seem really comfortable around me. " Work at it every day. Even if your attitude goes unnoticed, practice your positive attitude. You never know how large a difference it can make, and practice will make it easier to do. Practice talking about yourself positively to your friends. Talk about something you’ve accomplished or something you’re excited about. You’ll find that your optimism is contagious, and that you’ll feel better about yourself just by talking about it out loud. [8] X Research source If your friends do not like talking about the good parts of your life, consider if these people truly make you happy and feel good about yourself. Decide on the significance of things before deciding to get upset. For example, many people get upset with unexpected, bad traffic. However, only sometimes
The more you remember that you’re a worthy person who anyone is lucky to know, the sooner you’ll realize that you have so much to offer. And if you feel valued, then you’ll be on your way to feeling better about yourself. [9] X Research source Even if you are currently in a difficult phase of life, you still have the potential to expand upon some interests and become really passionate or skilled at something. You might even offer to ability to share your passion with others. These are all valid reasons to feel good about yourself. Don’t forget the compassionate self dialogue during these times.
Treat this list like the list of qualities you love about yourself. Fill a whole page and read it over often, adding to it whenever you think of something else. If it is difficult for you to find things to be grateful for, turn this into a positivity exercise. Think of what you are mad about, and push yourself to find 2 good things about every bad situation. For example, you can counter “I’m mad that the dog barking woke me and the baby up at 5am today. ” with “1. I spent some bonding time with my son this morning, calming him down; every moment I have with my son is special; and 2. I got to hear the birds chirp as the sun rose. ” If you are still struggling, ask others what they are thankful for. You might have something in common.
Limit your prep time. If you spend all your time wishing you looked perfect, then you will focus on less positive, constructive areas of your life. Determine how much time you will spend doing your hair and makeup and looking in the mirror before you go out. Find a routine that fits into that amount of time. If you spend any more time than that on yourself, you are bound to find flaws where none exist. You have much more self worth aside from your appearance. You should take strength and confidence from your actions and achievements instead of your appearance. For example, you have an amazing day where you get commended for a project you have spent weeks working on. When you get home, you finally get a chance to look in the mirror and realize you had mascara smeared under your eye. Despite the fact that you had a smudge on your face, you still accomplished something great and you should be confident in your abilities. If people compliment you based on your looks, feel free to take the compliment. However, ignore negative remarks, and recognize that compliments your personality are more significant.
People who insult others usually do it to make themselves feel more powerful. This means that they are probably just as insecure as you are. They are the ones who lack confidence, so try to avoid the comments and avoid jabbing back with an insult. The best thing you can do is to live your life exactly how you want to live it without looking back. This may be easier said than done. Instead of being in denial about caring, ask yourself what is at the heart of wanting to please other people. Ask yourself if the people who hurt you are worth impressing. Soon enough, you’ll see that they are only an obstacle to your happiness, not a means toward it. [13] X Research source Know whom to trust, and when. For example, most people will say that they trust their own mother the most. However, few people would blindly trust their mother to, say, fly an airplane or rig the lottery. If you want to pay attention to what others think, pick your trusted advisors wisely.
By changing your thoughts, you can ultimately change your behavior. [16] X Trustworthy Source Michigan State University Extension Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement Go to source You can do CBT by yourself or with a therapist. Keep in mind that, if you find any of the steps difficult, you should see a therapist who is knowledgeable about CBT to help you. [17] X Research source
Being self aware can be difficult at first. Well meaning friends wishing to help you may just tell you to “get over it” and recognize your strengths. There’s more to it than merely making the decision to change. [18] X Research source
Be honest with yourself in the journal. You need to know all your different thoughts to get a full picture. The more honest you are, the more you can change your behavior. [20] X Research source Be consistent. Write about everything that you think is important; or, everything that happened at work; or, everything that you worry will happen to your spouse when you’re gone travelling.
Try to remember how you felt when you wrote them, and instead of feeling ashamed or bad about your negative thoughts, accept them. Everyone has them and if you first accept them, you can start to change them. By allowing yourself to feel your negative thoughts, you can own them and begin to make changes. Once you recognize the thought pattern that is causing you to have low self esteem, you can begin to change the way you think.
For example, you were feeling bad because you got behind on an assignment at work. Instead of focusing on your short comings, think about all the times you achieved something great at work or pulled off a hard project. Think to yourself, “I can turn this around because I have a history of doing great work. I just need to focus and I will do amazing, just like on my other work. " You want to take things that you feel and make them into positive situations. Know it is okay to feel them, but acknowledge that there are more productive ways of seeing yourself that will help you feel better about yourself. [23] X Research source Forgive yourself for past mistakes or events. There is no way to change the past, and you have to give yourself the opportunity to improve. Do you know the saying, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? Treat yourself according to who you want to be, not who you were. It will be easier to become that person. [24] X Research source
For example, you often say no to going out with coworkers because you think they will find you boring and you will just make a fool of yourself. Instead of thinking this way, think about the positive things about yourself and what might come out of it. You have other friends who like you and enjoy your company, so you are interesting. You may also make some new friends and become closer to those at work. If you think of the possibilities of a situation instead of the horrible things that might happen, you might be able to think about yourself in a positive light as well. [26] X Research source
If you find yourself having a hard time with this process, you may need to see a therapist. CBT is aided by having a trained professional who knows the methods and might be able to see things about yourself that you may not. In CBT sessions, the therapist works in partnership with you as you work towards your goals. [27] X Research source
Call a grandparent or e-mail a favorite aunt to share the news so you can celebrate with family and friends. Know that this is great for you and them. If you’re just talking to your family or friends, it’s sharing with those you love. And chances are that if you want to feel good about yourself, then you’re have a lot to tell others about your accomplishments. [29] X Research source
Look the person in the eye and thank her like you really mean it. If the compliment makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to accept it. However, if you like the compliment, accept it.
Examples include taking a long bath or pampering your skin with great-smelling soap or lotion. This is different from throwing on a lot of makeup or buying trendy outfits. This means seeing that your body should be given time and care.
Remember that people aren’t looking at you or talking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Avoid wearing clothes that make you feel uncomfortable just because you think they are stylish. Do what makes you feel good and everyone will see that you’re much more comfortable in your skin that way. In some situations, it will actually be more comfortable for you if you dress according to the venue. For example, if you are going to a business meeting, you should dress according to your employer’s code of conduct, even if the clothing makes you uncomfortable.
Focusing on your appearance is not unhealthy when your appearance is a fulfilling expression of who you are. For example, wearing your favorite color expresses a preference. Always laugh at the ones that might be less than ideal. The clothes just may be more suited for others. Changing your style can help you discover a side of yourself you never knew you had. Also try a new hairdo. Those with long hair can braid it, twist it, or wear it in a bun. Experiment to find the best way you can express yourself through your appearance and remember, there are many right options. They’re all you if you like it.
Ask yourself if your friends are mostly complimenting you and supporting you, or nit-picking everything you do. If they are negative about you, then you need to drop them as soon as you can. This may sound harsh, but this can lead you to feel better about yourself. [32] X Research source For example, try to change the subject if your friends start talking about their weight or diet and you don’t want to talk about it. Show them that there are more interesting things to talk about, such as how their soccer team is doing and how old their little golden retriever pup is this month.
If you’ve learned something really interesting, share it with others. That will make you feel like you have even more to offer to the world.
Get a workout buddy or two to make the process more fun and encouraging. You’ll feel even better if you have a friend cheering you on when you want to quit. If you aren’t satisfied with your current workout routine or haven’t found something you like, keep switching it up and trying new sports. There is a workout regimen for everyone; the question is finding the one that’s right for you. Cheap forms of exercise include running in your neighborhood or park; doing aerobics or weight-free exercises; burpees.
You can get involved by teaching adults or children to read, cleaning up a local park, volunteer at a local library or bookstore, or volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Depending on your skill set, there might be specific forms of volunteering available to you. For example, lawyers often can take pro bono cases, or house architects can help build housing for free.
Remember that you’re on a journey and that it will take some time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Know it takes times to work. Take the time to read over your journal at least once a month. This will help you see how much you have grown.
Examples include fishing, shopping, going on hikes, working on a house project, meditating, bowling, seeing friends, exercising, and writing. If it’s daytime, open up the window and let in some fresh air and sunlight. If it’s nighttime, put on some clean pajamas and curl up with a favorite book, movie, or CD. Take a warm bath or shower if you are feeling stressed. Imagine the water washing away your worries. Also try to create your own peace rituals. When you’re angry or stressed out, take three long, slow, deep breaths. Turn on some of your favorite music. Find ways to calm your spirit, and return to those practices whenever you feel anxious. Know it’s okay to be upset. The sooner you can address the problem, the sooner you’ll feel better. [35] X Research source
Make sure the adventures on your list are actually attainable, no matter how outlandish they are. Try to avoid discouraging yourself by writing down something you can never accomplish.
Using an outside source of inspiration can help you envision what you would do in challenging situations, and will make you feel like you can overcome adversity. [36] X Research source
Though achieving your goals is important, so is being social. Make it a habit to spend time with other people at least a few times a week. It’s important to spend time with your loved ones, but there is always time to meet new people. Having a variety of friends and loved ones in your life will enhance your perspective and will make you feel even better about yourself. [37] X Research source
