The most common way to meet a future partner is through mutual friends. Spend time with friends, and ask your friends to introduce you to people they think you’ll like. [1] X Research source The second is in social spaces. This can include everything from bars, to concerts, poetry readings, and gallery openings, to church gatherings. [2] X Research source The third is through work. If you work from home, consider participating in a co-working space. Make visits to the home office and attend conferences when you can. Be slow to ask someone out if you work together regularly, however, as this can potentially complicate your work life. [3] X Research source The fourth is through dating websites or apps, and the fifth is social media. Sign up for dating platforms like OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, and Hinge. [4] X Research source
If you are absolutely too shy to ask someone out in person, you can call. You’ll have to ask for his or her number, though. If you found the person you’re interested in online, send a friendly message. If you want to get a better sense of the person, message back and forth 2-5 times before you ask him or her out. If you are asking out a friend, leave plenty of room for a “no. " Make sure that you ask your friend out before you get so wound up that a rejection would devastate you. When you notice yourself crushing, go for it. Stay friends if it’s not too painful. The person who turns you down might end up introducing you to the person you stay with.
Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and be honest in your answers. Be genuine. Tell the truth when asked a question. Worry less about being judged and more about seeming phony. Stay off your phone. Focus on your date! Don’t spend the whole time worrying about ascertaining whether or not your date is a good match. You can’t tell something like that on a first date. Rather, focus on the conversation and the activity of the date. Don’t say “I love you” or try to talk about long-term commitment on your first few dates.
Putting your date down, or talking critically of others on a date, will show your date that you are insecure or cruel. [5] X Research source Even if you have a sense you might not want to go on a second date, do your best to enjoy the date you’re on. Treat your date well! Even if you won’t meet again, he or she still deserves your polite and friendly attention.
Invite your date to a party or other social event. If you get nervous in isolation, try hanging out in a group. Say yes to your date’s ideas. If someone asks you out, let that person name the date. Don’t assume you won’t enjoy a new place or activity.
Not only is school an excellent place to meet a potential mate, but getting an education can increase the longevity of your future relationship. Couples with college education have lower divorce rates than their less-educated peers. [6] X Research source
Take particular care of your mental health. If you are too shy, depressed, anxious, or insecure to date, visit a therapist.
Dress to suit yourself. Fashion choices are going to vary widely depending on your tastes, but in general, wear clothing that fits your body, is clean, and is not very worn out. [7] X Research source Wear the colors that flatter you, or wear black and neutrals if you can’t figure out what your colors are.
Treating yourself well demonstrates emotional stability, an extremely attractive characteristic. [8] X Research source
Be good to the friends you have. You don’t have to be a social butterfly. Keep the social commitments you make, reciprocate favors, and tell your friends what you appreciate about them.
Look at your relationship and see if it supports your life goals. If you find it does not, ask yourself if you are willing to live without things for the sake of the one you are with. Adapt to what you find. Most people are actually terrible at knowing what they want. If you find someone who supports you in your desire and who expands your horizons—someone you care about enough that they have changed you—you might have found your life partner.
Look for overlapping senses of humor, and the ability to have fun even in mundane or difficult circumstances. Respect your partner’s mind. If you don’t enjoy the way your partner thinks, you aren’t likely to enjoy talking for the rest of your life. Have interests in common. You don’t have to do everything together, but you should share some preferences for activities and ways of relating to people. Be equals. Relationships in which one person dominates are unhappy ones. If one of you treats the other in ways that would not be tolerated in the opposite direction, you are headed for trouble. [11] X Research source You and your partner should trust, support, and respect one another. If you share these bonds, your relationship is strong.
De-escalate your fights. If an argument is growing angry, de-escalate by connecting with your partner. Stop arguing, start listening, and reach out. If you two can touch when you’re panicked, try holding hands or hugging. Use humor. Suggest a change of scene. [12] X Research source If you are on a date and you have a fight, for instance, reset by asking your partner on another date. Move to a different venue or different seats where you are and greet one another again. [13] X Research source Don’t avoid speaking your mind or discussing controversial topics out of fear of a break up. Rather, find your calm and ask your partner to do the same. Unless you have a distinct need for a specific change, avoid bringing up topics of controversy that have provoked previous fights. You are less likely to convince your partner of your point of view and more likely to wear him or her down. [14] X Research source Your relationship is more important than winning. For instance, if you and your partner have fought about a friend who is important to you but who drives your partner crazy, do bring up the topic of him staying in your life. Don’t, however, argue that your partner is wrong that your friend is annoying. Your friend annoys your partner, and the annoyance will deepen if you argue. [15] X Research source
After a date, tell her that you had a good time. After a few dates have passed, tell your date that you are really enjoying the time you spend together. When you feel ready to date exclusively, check in with your date. Say you like her and you would like to date only her. Ask if she’s interested in that. If she’s not ready, give her time. People move at different rates. Try not to say “I love you” on the first few dates. When you feel that you love someone, hold onto that beautiful energy until a month or two have passed. [16] X Research source If you are dating someone you really like but they say “I love you” before you are ready to hear it, tell them that you aren’t ready to say that yet but you might be soon. Say you are serious about continuing to date.
When you find someone you like, date him or her for at least three years before proposing marriage. [18] X Research source Getting to know one another over time will increase your likelihood of staying together.
