You’ll need the person’s real name to search the public records. If their name is in common usage, such as Mary Smith, you’ll also need a middle name. Not all marriage applications or licenses are public. Some jurisdictions have provisions for keeping this information private. Every state and city differ on what information is available to the public and how it can be obtained, so know the rules of your state and city first. Be wary of websites that promise to divulge marital status. While many are legitimate, others may just be trying to get your credit card info.
If you’re asking someone you’ve just met, come right out and ask: “Are you married?” If you’re confronting someone you’ve been with for a while, refrain from asking in an accusatory tone; simply ask out of curiosity. To be less direct, try, “Is there anything you’re not telling me?” Watch the person’s reaction to tell if they’re lying. Are they averting their eyes, shifting uncomfortably, sweating, or becoming overly defensive?[2] X Research source
You might have to try a few different searches to yield usable results. Even if you don’t know much about them, keywords related to their work, location, or the school they went to might narrow down your search.
Is the person’s profile notably bare? Do they have a profile picture? Do they even have social media accounts? Bare or lack of social media might indicate they’re concealing their personal life. If you can’t find them on social media, search their friends (if you know who they are). You might find your partner on their friends or followers list under a fake name. If you follow one another on social media, they’ll likely refuse to acknowledge your relationship as anything more than platonic: they’ll untag themselves from photos you tag them in and won’t make any mention of you on their profile.
If you don’t have mutual friends, consider it a red flag if your partner refuses to mingle with your friends or introduce you to theirs: sharing mutual friends is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. [5] X Research source If the friends are people you trust, let them know you’re involved (or thinking about it) with this person and suspect they’re hiding something. If your mutual acquaintances aren’t people you know well, like coworkers, casually bring it up without alluding to the fact that you’re involved: try “I’m surprised Jolene isn’t married! She seems like such a catch” or “Rami is so secretive, I hardly know anything about him! Do you?”
It might be tempting to snoop, but if you’re at the point where you mistrust your partner enough to poke around without their consent, the relationship is probably beyond saving. [6] X Research source Do they have suspicious photos of a potential spouse hanging in their home? Alternatively, are there any oddly blank spots on their walls that indicate a photo of a spouse may have been taken down before you visited? Look for nails or rectangles on the wall where a framed photo may have protected the wallpaper from sun damage. Note if the person’s driveway has more than one car. Again, this could be the car of another family member or householder, so don’t rely solely on this, but it could be a clue. Observe signs of children at the house—toys, training potties, kids’ snacks. If your partner has claimed not to have children, they likely wouldn’t have signs of them unless they were lying.
Keep in mind that a tan line doesn’t always indicate a person is hiding a marriage. It could also mean that the person is recently divorced or separated.
Ask the person what they did over the weekend. If they went out with friends, to a bar or concert, or on a day trip to the city, they may be single. If they sat around the house, had dinner with known married friends, or went to the zoo, on the other hand, they may be leaving out the fact that they did these things with their spouse or children.
Some people do carry cash around to pay for cheaper transactions, such as movie tickets and fast food meals. Other people who are financially well off may carry around hundreds of dollars in cash. Most people, however, generally use a mixture of debit cards, credit cards, and cash.
It’s okay if this happens once in a while, but if they always say they have to get back home because of a big meeting the next morning or an early flight, then he may just be making excuses.
Find a reason to go back to their home. If he consistently refuses to let you see where he lives, he may be married.
Note that some people don’t want to answer the phone while on a date. But the longer you’re together, the more comfortable they should feel with talking on the phone around you. Do they only call you when they’re at the grocery store, in the car, at work, or at the park? Have you ever gotten a call from them when they’re at home? If they only call when they’re away from home, this could mean they’re hiding the call from their spouse. If you call them randomly and they answer, do they speak normally, or do they speak much more quietly than normal or sound like they’re on a business call? Inconsistent phone behavior could point to cheating.
You might rarely go out on the weekends, and they’ll likely turn down every spontaneous date you suggest. When you go out, they might insist on going somewhere in the next town over to avoid running into anyone they know. You’ll probably never have a romantic weekend getaway, or when you do, it’s also a business trip.
