You might also reveal extremely intimate details about your past, rather than about your feelings. For instance, you might share with a coworker you just met that your mother died when you were six. These kind of personal details are usually not appropriate for someone you are not very familiar with. Before revealing personal feelings or details, think about how you would respond to a given comment if you heard it from the person you are talking to. If you think it might be odd, do not share too much.
If you are constantly texting, calling, or visiting a certain person, you are probably too clingy and fear separation.
For instance, you might have a great day where you and your partner go out to lunch, then rent a canoe and travel down the river to enjoy the natural world. At home later you curl up together and watch a film. The next day, your partner goes to meet his friends who he had planned to meet many days ago. You cry and complain that he never pays attention to you, despite the fact you’d spent all of the previous day together. You insist that he doesn’t go out to meet his friends and instead spends the day with you. Alternately, you might insist on tagging along on his dude date. The day after, when it’s just you two without anyone else, you feel important, whole, and happy again.
The other approach is less direct. This method uses probing questions like “Do you think I am a bit overbearing?” or “Do you think we spend too much time together?” These indirect questions may lead to subtle indications on the part of your friend or partner that you are, in fact, too clingy. Listen for partial admissions that you are too clingy in the form of phrases like “No, but…” or “Well, I think…” For instance, your friend might answer an indirect question like “Do you mind when I come over?” with a reply like, “No, but I think we spend a lot of time together. ” Even though your friend has not said you are too clingy, their qualified denial should indicate to you that something is amiss. Take this as an indication that you are too clingy.
Is your friend or lover telling you that you’re intruding on them? That they need more alone time? Does your friend or lover seem to not be around you sometimes? Does your friend or lover call attention to specific actions that you’ve done – such as showing up in the middle of the night, or calling them again and again – as evidence for being clingy? Do you think that such behavior is normal or acceptable when attributed to another duo? You might also hear complaints about your clingy behavior from others in your family or circle of friends. If they joke or comment about how you’re always with one person, you might be too clingy.
For instance, if they grew up with a parent who insisted on knowing where they were at all times, even into adulthood, and gave them little freedom, perhaps that individual is unable or unwilling to let you grow closer to them because they worry you’ll manipulate and control them in the same way that parent did. Alternately, you might encounter someone whose parents never paid them any attention. Because they become comfortable and familiar with the kind of relationships in which their achievements or successes are not given any real validation, they might become uncomfortable with someone who does provide them with attention and affection which they never got growing up. Don’t assume that you are too clingy just because someone is pushing you away.
Nonfiction in which people form healthy bonds borne of mutual respect include the Chicken Soup series of books. Fictional accounts of individuals forming healthy bonds and important non-dependent friendships include The Avengers, X-Men, or Justice League.
Pursuing your own hobbies will give you time away from the person you’ve been so fixated on in order to build confidence in yourself. Use your time on hobbies to take up old hobbies or try new ones. Have you always wanted to learn to play guitar, but never did? Now’s your chance!
Trust your therapist when he or she suggests that you have had enough therapy. If you have feelings of depression, anxiety, or a loss of self-confidence when your therapy is finally over, remind yourself of all the gains you’ve made and do not use your feelings as an excuse to prolong attending therapy. Group therapy might also be helpful. In this approach, you will get to speak with and share stories of clingy behavior with others who have had similar experiences. Listening and talking to others who have been where you are will help you work through your issues, provide a source of support and comfort, and make you feel less alone.
Medication will not act as a magic bullet, disposing of all your clingy behavior or negative feelings. The major alterations to your clingy behavior will come about when you accept that only you can alter your feelings of inadequacy and insecurity vis-a-vis your friend or partner.
Acknowledge what the other party says and thinks, and thank them for letting you know that you are too clingy. You owe them a debt for their honesty, and can begin confronting your clingy behavior. Apologize for being too clingy, even if you didn’t think you were. Say, “I’m sorry I haven’t been as respectful of your boundaries as I should have been. I hope you can forgive me. ”
Be patient with yourself too. Becoming fully conscious of your dependent, clingy behavior can take time, and altering might take just as long. When you feel yourself frustrated or disappointed by your inability to stave off feelings of loneliness or longing for the person to whom you have clung for so long, remind yourself that you do not need anyone else to be content. Tell yourself, “I am a strong, independent person and will not make anyone else the center of my universe. ”
If you’ve lost touch with many of your old friends because you’ve spent too long clinging to a single person, seek new friends online or in your workplace. Invite people out to grab a bite, go bowling, or hike a mountain trail with you. Be careful not to replace dependency on one person for dependency on another. If you sense that you’re walking down the same emotional road you’ve just stepped off of, try to step back and ensure you aren’t becoming clingy again.
If you are too clingy, envision yourself allowing your friend or partner to interact with others. Envision yourself accepting their healthy decisions and respecting their independence. Encourage your friend or partner to envision these things too. What do they see your relationship becoming in the future? What would they like to do with you? How are your visions similar or different?
