What makes these moments so special? What challenged or excited you about the work? What motivated you to succeed?[1] X Research source
For example, if you felt proud at your high school graduation, then you might value education. If you felt proud when you received a promotion at work, then you might value professional achievement. If you felt proud when you planned a surprise party for your mother, then you might value family and doing nice things for other people. Start creating a list of all of your values. You might even rank them in order of their importance to you. Once you know your values, you can figure out how to incorporate them into your life. For example, if one of your values is integrity, you’ll want to be honest and authentic in everything you do. [3] X Expert Source Nicolette Tura, MAAuthentic Living Expert Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
What kind of person do you imagine when looking at your own list of wants and priorities?
Be specific in your thoughts, imagining a full day in the life of your dreams. These dreams aren’t always easy to attain, but that is okay. The point is to become conscious of your hopes and goals, as they reveal a lot about your priorities. [4] X Research source
People change, and by firmly saying “I am _______,” you risk missing those changes within yourself. More often than not, these ideas are self-fulfilling. If you always tell yourself you are awkward on dates, then any date you go on makes you nervous and self-conscience. This of course, makes you more awkward. [5] X Research source
If you see yourself as a daughter, ask why that role is important to you. Is family an essential anchor in your life? When stressed, do you turn often to parents and relatives? If you see yourself as a girlfriend, ask yourself what your partner highlights or brings out in you. Remember that are not defined by romance, but you can learn about yourself by growing intimate with someone. If you see yourself as an employee, ask where your personal goals or ideas meet with your company’s. They won’t perfectly align, and that’s okay – you are not just an employee. If you see yourself as a tennis player, ask yourself what goals or aspirations you have on the court. What draws you to the sport?[6] X Research source
When you get test results, ask yourself which parts ring true to you? What parts surprise you? Most importantly, what parts feel false or untrue, and why? You can find many of these tests online for free. If you do, prioritize tests that ask lots of questions, at least thirty or more, and compare the results of 2-3 tests to minimize mistakes.
When you get test results, ask yourself which parts ring true to you? What parts surprise you? Most importantly, what parts feel false or untrue, and why? You can find many of these tests online for free. If you do, prioritize tests that ask lots of questions, at least thirty or more, and compare the results of 2-3 tests to minimize mistakes.
Looking back on your life, note how often you were wrong about yourself. How often did your likes, desires, goals, etc. change as you grew older? Even if you’re sure about yourself now, this change will always happen as you move through life. [9] X Research source
What’s wrong? To this, you might answer something like, “I am worried about my finances for this month because I had an expensive car repair to make. ” What can I do to feel better about the situation? To this you might respond, “I can use the emergency credit card if necessary. However, I will probably be able to get by without it if I can reduce sending in a few other areas. This was a necessary repair, so it is okay that I spent money on it. ” What is going well in my life? You might respond to this question by saying something like, “I have a nice home, good friends, and a fun job. ”
Are my goals and priorities still the same? Are there any new ones? What have I done to get closer to my goals? How can I repeat that success? What can I do in the next two weeks to actively pursue my goals?
Ask yourself what emotion, usually anger or fear, is at the center of your unpleasant thoughts. You can then confront these emotions instead of letting the thoughts circle your brain. If you’re struggling to get past this voice, set a timer and indulge it for 5 minutes. Let yourself be worried, scared, or confused and, when the timer is up, move on. [11] X Research source
Are pursuing personal goals. Talk honestly about themselves and their feelings. Look for the best in situations, finding solutions instead of excuses. [12] X Research source
Pursuing a goal, whether it is personal or professional, requires some sacrifice. But you can only choose what is important and what is less crucial once you start to find your inner self. Peer pressure isn’t always obvious or cruel. It might be fun, for example, to go out with your roommates instead of finishing work or relaxing. But if you want or need to stay in it’s okay to temporarily disappoint them – they’ll understand.
This doesn’t mean you must live a difficult life to know yourself. It simply means you don’t shy away from things you love or want because they are challenging.
Learn something every day, even if it is small. By broadening your understanding of the world around you, you gain a greater context to examine yourself.
A mentor or role model is just someone whose opinion you trust, and who you can talk openly and honestly to. A mentor isn’t someone who is right every time. When asking advice, remember that it is ultimately up to you whether or not to follow it.
