Review what occurred. Why did you start fighting? What triggered the argument? What was said? Do you regret anything you said? Why or why not?[2] X Research source Keep in mind memory is subjective, especially in stressful situations. It’s likely your girlfriend might remember certain aspect of the fight differently than you. This is normal. It does not necessarily mean one of you is being untruthful. It’s just that stress can cause memories to be inaccurate. [3] X Research source
Accept that emotions are not always rational. If your girlfriend hurt your feelings, for example, logically knowing she did not mean to do so might not help you let it go. Know that you and your girlfriend are both entitled to an emotional response to a disagreement, even if that response is not entirely logical. [4] X Research source Don’t: shout “How could you do this?!“Do: say “I’m angry because you broke the promise you made yesterday. "
Choose a time to talk where there aren’t outside constrictions on time. Pick a week or weekend night when neither one of you has to work early in the morning. Aim to talk in the early evening sometime after dinner so hunger and sleepiness cannot interfere with your conversation. [6] X Research source If you do not live together, try to choose a place that’s a neutral ground. While you might feel odd discussing your relationship in public, a neutral ground might assure no one feels uncomfortable. You can pick a place where not many people are around, like a spacious, quiet coffee shop or a public park that’s not usually crowded. [7] X Research source
Make eye contact. Nod occasionally to show you are listening. Never cross your arms or do anything that makes you look tense. Try to avoid nervous tics, like fiddling with your clothing or ringing your hands. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Nod on occasion, as this gives a non-verbal indication you are listening to what is being said. [10] X Research source
Be clear and concise when speaking. Do not include too many details and try to get to the point of what you’re going to say. Do not interrupt your girlfriend when she’s talking. Always ask if she understands what you’re saying. Ask for clarification if she says anything you do not understand. [11] X Research source Use “I” statements. These assure that you’re expressing your own feelings rather than placing objective judgment on the situation. For example, instead of saying “You overreacted about me being late and embarrassed me in front of your friends” say something like “I felt embarrassed when you called me out on being late in front of your friends. “[12] X Research source
See if you can figure out if there’s an underlying issue that drove your argument. If you had a big argument, it’s doubtful it was over a minor matter. Try and figure out where you disagree and what you can do to reconcile the disagreement. Sometimes simply acknowledging that you feel differently about a subject can help ease tensions. The two of you will end up taking certain things less personally if you understand where you differ personality wise. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Don’t: force your girlfriend (or yourself) to change on every point of disagreement. Do: suggest ways to limit conflict, such as avoiding contentious activities or topics while you’re together.
Letting things bottle up means when the next argument happens you’ll end up bringing things up from the past. This can make your girlfriend feel attacked and bombarded. When a problem arises, address immediately. Even a small issue can lead you to build resentment over time. [16] X Research source
