Every day, say (or write), “I love and accept myself unconditionally for who I am. ” For more information, check out How to Improve Self Esteem with Positive Affirmations. Or, try looking in the mirror and giving yourself a compliment about your physical appearance every day. For example, you can say, “I love how my hair looks today! It is so shiny and sleek!”
Allow yourself to experience your emotions. Don’t stifle your emotions but don’t explode, either. Remember that it’s normal to have emotions and expressing them is okay. Emotions come and go and do not define you, no matter how bad they feel. For example, if you feel neglected by your partner, recognize that it’s okay to feel bad, but these emotions do not define you or the relationship.
Many people find it easy to identify weaknesses, but identifying strengths can be more challenging. To identify your strengths, think about times that people have complimented you. These can be little things, such as times people have remarked, “You’re such a good listener!” or “You are really good at drawing!” Even if you think it is not worth listing, add it to your strengths list. Try not to compare yourself to others. Instead, remind yourself that everyone has something they are good at and focus on what you are good at. [7] X Research source
Make sure that your goals are specific and that you have a way of measuring them. For example, a specific and measurable goal might be something like, “I want to improve my mile time by 30 seconds by the end of the month. ” If your goal is too large, then this can also be overwhelming. Try to break large goals into more manageable ones as well. For example, instead of setting a goal to find a better job, you could set smaller goals for yourself, such as to work on your resume or to apply for five new jobs every week.
For example, if you have been trying to eat healthier and you prepared a healthy dinner for yourself, then you could note this in your journal with something like, “Had steamed broccoli and salmon for dinner tonight! Way to go me!” Another option is to look yourself in the mirror and congratulate yourself on your accomplishments. For example, if you studied really hard for a big test, then you might look yourself in the mirror and say, “You did such a good job! I am so proud of you for all the hard work you put in!”
Practicing good hygiene, such as by showering every day, combing your hair, brushing your teeth, using deodorant, and wearing clean clothes. Making time to do things you enjoy, such as playing an instrument, reading, watching movies, or painting. Taking care of your physical health, such as by preparing healthy meals for yourself, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep. Managing stress, such as by meditating, practicing yoga, or doing deep breathing exercises.
To find a therapist, contact your insurance provider, local mental health clinic, or obtain a recommendation from a physician or a friend.
Don’t just go along with what your partner wants to do. For example, if your partner wants to see one movie and you’d like to see a different one, speak up and share your wishes. Say, “I know you want an action movie, but I’d like a comedy. Are you up for seeing two movies, or should we watch one tonight and one tomorrow?” Know that your needs are important. If your partner is worried about being late somewhere, say, “I know it’s important for you to be on time, however, I need some time to eat before we leave. ”
If you have a difficult time accepting how your partner sees you, ask yourself, “Is it possible I may have this quality? When have I noticed this quality in myself?”
Seeking approval might look like asking questions such as, “Do I look good in this? Do you love me? Am I good enough for you?” Don’t rely on compliments from your partner to maintain your self-esteem. Compliments may feel good, but you may revert back to negative thoughts about yourself or need constant compliments to feel good about yourself. [13] X Research source
Say. “It’s hard for me to ask for help because I don’t feel like I deserve it or I don’t want to bother you. There are certain things I would like your help with and I’d like to discuss them with you. ”
Try swing dancing, painting, or try a new restaurant together.
Let go of any assumptions you may have about the relationship related to your self-esteem. For example, you may fear (or expect) your partner to cheat, which can make your partner feel like you do not trust them. If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, don’t assume that your current partner will do the same. This can strain your relationship.
You may test your partner by not calling or texting, purposefully not discussing your plans, or flirting with someone else in front of your partner. These actions set your relationship up to fail.
If you find yourself catastrophizing (“He’s talking to another girl. He must be flirting. He must like her. He’s going to break up with me. ”), slow down and think more rationally. For example, say to yourself, “He’s talking to another girl. It seems like a normal conversation and I have no reason not to trust him. ”
For example, if your partner says, “You look very attractive tonight,” don’t make an excuse or try to undercut the compliment. Instead, say “thank you. ”
If you find that you blame yourself for every fight or conflict, take a step back and ask if you’re being fair with yourself.
