Get caught looking. Throw small glances at your crush. Keep doing it until he or she catches your eyes. Hold the gaze for a second, smile, and look away. Look into his or her eyes when you talk, particularly at meaningful points in the conversation like when you’re giving them a compliment. [2] X Expert Source Maria AvgitidisMatchmaker & Dating Expert Expert Interview. 20 December 2019. Wink or raise your eyebrows at your crush. It’s cheesy, but it works if used sparingly. Do it when you’re looking at someone from across a room, or if you’re talking in a group and say something really meant for him or her. You can also try lowering your gaze and looking up again slowly.
Smile slowly. If you’re looking at someone but not talking to them, try letting a slow smile spread over your face instead of breaking into a huge grin. Slow, languid smiles are generally considered attractive. Smile when you make eye contact. If you’re suddenly looking into someone’s eyes, toss in a smile for extra appeal. (If it’s a genuine smile, the other person will see it without even looking at your mouth — it will crinkle your eyes, and is known as a Duchenne smile. ) Try smiling with your eyes, not just your mouth. Make your whole face light up when you smile.
If your crush doesn’t know your name and you’re a naturally gregarious person, try introducing yourself at some point. It can be as simple as, “Hi, I’m [name]. And you are. . . ?” Make sure you get the other person’s name. To help yourself remember it, try repeating it after he or she says it to you. (Such as “Lily. I love that name. “) Or, if you want to make yourself seem like a bit of a challenge, work to keep your identity a mystery for a little while. If the other person really wants to know, he or she will ask around or keep pursuing you. If the person you are interested knows another language like Spanish, pick up a few words of the language before you strike a conversation.
Talk to someone you don’t already know by starting with an observation that ends in a question. [6] X Expert Source Maria AvgitidisMatchmaker & Dating Expert Expert Interview. 20 December 2019. Try something like, “I can’t believe how much it’s rained this week” or “This place sure is packed, eh?” What you say isn’t important — you are simply inviting the person to talk with you. Find common ground with someone you do know. If you’ve already met the other person, strike up a conversation based on a shared experience or interest. For instance, you might talk about a class you’re taking together, or the train you both take to work. Again, the topic itself doesn’t matter — what matters is that you’re inviting him or her to interact with you. Gauge their response. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the conversation. If the person doesn’t respond or seems preoccupied or disinterested, he or she probably isn’t interested in flirting with you. [7] X Research source
It’s easier to flirt when you’re talking about fun things like your pets, reality television, or your favorite vacation spots. This doesn’t mean you have to dumb yourself down to flirt, but it does mean you have to relax and avoid the deep talk for a while. Be playful and use humor. Being playful means not taking yourself too seriously, being a bit silly, playfully hitting your crush, or talking about something slightly offbeat or unexpected. It also means not putting too much pressure on yourself over the course of the conversation.
Keep your stance “open. " Don’t cross your arms or legs, as these are generally signs that you wish to isolate yourself from the other person. [8] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 10 June 2021. Turn your body toward the other person. Stand or sit so that you’re facing the person you’re flirting up. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in that direction. Break the “touch barrier”. Casually initiate physical contact by touching him or her on the forearm as you talk, or by “accidentally” walking too close and brushing up against the other person. [9] X Research source Play with your hair. Playing with your hair is usually a sign of nervousness, which is a good thing if you like the other person — you almost want him or her to know you’re nervous because it means you’re interested. [10] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 10 June 2021. To consciously communicate this, slowly twirl a strand of hair around your finger as you talk, or, if you have short hair, run your hands through your hair.
All of these touches can be rejected without humiliation or offense, so if your crush is not ready for that kind of contact, you will not be forcing them to reject you entirely.
Maintain eye contact while you’re complimenting. Looking away might accidentally make you seem insincere. Lower the tone and volume of your voice slightly. Paying a compliment in a slightly lower register than your usual speaking voice makes it seem intimate and sexy. Plus, it might also coax the other person to come closer to hear you. Use your crush’s other interests to your advantage. If you know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your advantage in a compliment. Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, you could say something like, “I saw you play at the game the other day. I’m a huge soccer fan. How’d you get so good?” Be careful about complimenting looks. People might feel uncomfortable if you focus on complimenting their body. Play it safe and stick to these physical features: Eyes Smile Lips Hair Hands
Don’t let conversations drag on for more than 5 or 10 minutes. The longer they go on, the higher your odds of running into an awkward silence. Let the other person come to you. After you’ve put in the work of starting up the interaction and sparking an interest, pull back a bit and see if he or she seeks you out for an interaction. This can be a good way to gauge interest, as well as build tension.
Ask if the other person has plans at a later date. For instance, you might say, “So, what are you up to on Saturday night?” Try to keep this an open question, instead of one that requires a yes or no answer — you’ll get more information that way. Don’t ask someone what he or she is doing tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a few days out so that you don’t come off as overly desperate. Suggest a specific event and ask if he or she would like to come along. This is the best approach if you’re trying to arrange a group date. You could say something like, “So a bunch of us were going to see a movie on Friday, and I’d really like it if you came with us. " Be straightforward. If you’re feeling extra confident, go in for the kill without any pretense. For instance, you could say something like, “I’d really love to take you on a date. When are you free?”
“Hey, how’s it going?” “Did you see/hear [insert event you both know about here]?” “How’s your week going?”
This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not only does it keep the conversation going, but it allows you to find out more about your crush. You don’t need to know a lot about the other person to do this step. If you don’t know him or her very well yet, you can ask: “How did your day go?” “So, what do you do with your free time?” If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby or interest you’re already aware of. For instance, maybe he’s really into basketball, or you know she loves to read. “Did you see the game last night?” or “Have you read any good books lately?” would be great starts.
“So are you planning on spending all night online or do you have more exciting plans for this evening?” “Are you going to kick some butt in tonight’s game?” “I’ve noticed the cute kitty in your profile picture. Is that who you spend most of your time with?”
If you don’t know your crush very well yet, but you’re working on it, use a compliment oriented in this direction. Say something like, “It’s so easy to talk to you,” or “I kind of can’t believe I’m getting to know someone as interesting as you. " Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say something like “I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do to help?”
“I hope you know you’re gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk to/etc. " “Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you’re incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc. "
Instead, you can send a text or a message that says something like, “You looked cute in your new sweater today” or another comment that is nice and flirtatious without giving it all away.
“I really like your eyes, they’re so pretty. " On the surface, this compliment may seem fine, and it probably would be appreciated. However, a common flaw in phrasing a romantic compliment is to constantly use the words “I like/love insert trait here”. They tell the person that they’ve succeeded in winning your heart. This is great if you’ve already built up a solid relationship, but early on it can make you seem overeager. “You have great eyes, they’re very pretty”. Although both compliment versions say that you like the person’s eyes, this one makes it more of an observation than a personal opinion. It implies that you find the person attractive but doesn’t confirm it outright. As a result, your crush might feel both flattered and drawn to figure out how attractive you find them.
Make it clear that you’re kidding. The drawback of using text to communicate is that you can’t always read the emotion behind the words. If you’re going to flirt with someone by teasing them, make extra sure that you’re implying it’s a joke. You can use winking smiley faces, all caps, or exclamation points to communicate this. Just don’t overdo it with the emoticons or it’ll begin to feel corny for the other person. If you’ve already sent something that could be interpreted the wrong way, make your meaning crystal clear. Say something like “(joke)” or “jk” to make a quick save.
Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out something like “Hey, so I’ll see you around tomorrow?” or “I’ll talk to you soon. " If you’re chatting online, note that you enjoyed the conversation just before you leave. It doesn’t have to be complicated — a simple “This was awesome” or “I had a good time talking to you” is enough. If you’re texting, you can be a bit more casual about it. Be careful not to over-compliment your crush. Your compliments will have a lot less meaning if you bestow them for every single positive trait the person has. Instead, reserve them for meaningful things that are important to the person, such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.
Flirting can help you meet new people, feel more comfortable, and learn to mingle. You don’t need to put any pressure on yourself to make it mean something or to be perfect.
