If you’re able to completely avoid the things that trigger your bad memory, it might eventually fade out of your mind. You’ll have fewer reasons call it up, and as you keep living life you’ll replace the bad memory with more important thoughts. Of course, not all triggers are entirely avoidable, and maybe you don’t want to have to change your route to work, or donate your collection of science fiction books, or stop listening to your favorite band just because the last time you saw them live was the night your ex told you he was ending the relationship. If avoiding triggers isn’t feasible, either because there are too many of them or you resent giving the memory that power, there are other ways you can deal with the memory.
Try to take comfort in the fact that the event causing the memory is over now. Whatever happened - people laughing at your embarrassment, or a dangerous situation you endured - is in the past. In some cases, thinking about a bad memory can become a little obsessive. Observe your emotions as you repeatedly recall the memory. If you realize that even after deliberately thinking about the memory it still has the power to hurt you, then try a different method for getting rid of the bad memory. [1] X Expert Source Camber HillLife Coach Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
For example, let’s say you have a childhood memory about riding in a boat called “The Dreamcatcher” on a lake with your dad. You remember your dad at the stern wearing red shorts and sunglasses, shouting as he watches you lean too far over the rail and fall into the water. You know this is what happened, but years later when you look at a photograph from the day you see your dad was wearing jeans, and the boat was called “The Kingfisher. " As you see, memories are never completely accurate, and they can be changed. Try altering the part of the memory that makes you feel bad. Using the above example, if you remember feeling scared and alone when you fell into the lake, try re-imagining the memory so that you focus on how great it felt to get rescued by your dad. Every time you think about the memory, it will be a little different. If you focus on the good feelings instead of the bad each time, the memory will begin to change in tone. Maybe it won’t go from being a bad memory to a great one, but it might lose the power to hurt you.
Try pairing your bad memory with a good one. For example, if you can’t stop thinking about a time you fumbled a presentation and the whole class laughed, pair that memory with the memory of a time you performed well and received praise. Each time you think about the bad memory, shift your thoughts to the good one. Having a good memory fresh on your mind will keep you from having to rack your brain for something positive to think about when you’re feeling bad.
Oftentimes, people let their minds drift off during their daily activities, and they completely tune out what they are doing. Instead of going on “autopilot,” take the time to notice small details, like sounds or smells that you wouldn’t normally pay attention to. This will help bring your mind back to the present moment rather than drifting off and fixating on memories. Adopt a mantra you can repeat when your thoughts drift to places you don’t want them to go. For example, you could say “I am here” or “I am alive. " Say something that grounds you in the present. This will help you to realize that you have a choice. Pay attention to how your body feels right here, right now. Pay attention to your senses: what do you hear, see, taste and smell right now? Make sure that you do not limit your senses to memories of the past. Try meditation. Most forms of meditation are all about mindfulness. Focusing on breathing and freeing your mind from distractions helps you live more fully in the present. Regular meditation practice not only helps you focus, it has also been shown to improve overall mood. [3] X Research source
Remember that negative experiences are an inevitable part of life. Difficult experiences make us stronger, and help us appreciate the pleasurable moments in life. Without feeling bad once in a while, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate feeling good. Try to count your blessings. Whatever you may have lost as a result of this memory, make a list of the things that you are thankful for now.
It can help to go to places you’ve never been before, so you can have brand new experiences that aren’t tainted by the past in any way. Book a flight to a new city, or be a tourist in your own city and go to a neighborhood you don’t usually frequent. If traveling isn’t your thing, change up your routine in some other way. Go to a new restaurant you’ve never tried, cook a challenging meal, or invite all your friends over for a dinner party.
Take up a new physical activity, like soccer or kickboxing. If you’re not into sports, challenge yourself to walk a certain number of miles each day, or start doing yoga. Challenging yourself physically is a great way to free your mind from negative thoughts. Exercising causes your brain to release endorphins that improve your mood. [5] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Create something new. You could sew a dress, make a painting, or write a song. Pour your energy into making something, and you won’t have time to think about bad memories. Find an opportunity to volunteer your time. Helping other people is a great way to get your mind off of your own troubles.
Using alcohol and drugs as a way to try to forget bad memories, or as a way to avoid any type of negative emotion, often leads to addiction. [6] X Research source If you find yourself turning to alcohol or drugs when you don’t want to have to remember something that bothers you, seek help now. Other forms of escapism should also be avoided. If you tend to gamble, overeat, or take refuge in a habit that could be detrimental to your health as a way to suppress bad feelings, it’s important to acknowledge your behavior and curb it, either on your own or with the help of a therapist or support group.
Eat a balanced diet that includes plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, lean protein, whole grains and healthy fats. Aim to get 30 minutes to an hour of exercise every day, even if you just take a long walk after work. Try to get seven to eight hours of sleep every night, since being fatigued can make your emotions run higher than usual and leave you susceptible to dwelling on bad memories. [7] X Research source
Consider joining a support group. Do some research to find a support group in your area that deals with the particular issue at hand. There are many support groups out there for recent divorces, breakups, chronic illnesses, and so on. If you are not comfortable sharing the experience with anybody else, write about it in a personal journal and keep it in a safe place where nobody else will find it.
A therapist will be able to help you identify your triggers and learn to overcome them. He or she will teach you techniques you can use to break the hold bad memories have on your mind. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been found to be helpful for people dealing with trauma. Consider seeking out a therapist that specializes in this approach. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Symptoms of PTSD include having flashbacks, nightmares, and thoughts that frighten you. You may feel emotionally numb, depressed, or constantly worried, with a feeling of being on edge all the time.
Medication might be the first treatment to try. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication is often prescribed to people who have difficulty escaping negative thoughts. Somatic experiencing is a treatment aimed toward getting you back in touch with what your body is feeling. It focuses on correcting the fight-or-flight response so that it no longer becomes activated when danger isn’t present. Electroshock therapy is an effective way to relieve the mind of traumatic memories when no other treatment works. [13] X Research source
