You could say, “Even though I would like to be on friendly terms in the future, I’m having a hard time right now. I need to step away from our friendship. " If you must see the person, try to be friendly without moving into friendship. For instance, say hello if you pass them in the hall or make polite chitchat about logistics if you’re sharing kids. However, leave it at that and don’t try to go deeper.
Tell yourself, “We broke up for a reason, and I deserve to move on with someone new. "
If you’re afraid you might want the memories later, try saving them on an external hard drive and give it to a friend. Then you can’t take it out at will to remember.
Once again, if you can’t quite let go, put them on an external hard drive along with any hard copies you have and ask a friend to hold them for a while.
Just be sure to do this outside in a non-windy area. Have a bucket of water or fire extinguisher nearby just in case.
Try writing about it. Journal about the painful memories you have with the intention of letting go of that hurt, too, so you can move on. Your relationship ended because something happened or it wasn’t going well, and if you put that relationship on a pedestal of perfection, it’s hard to get over it.
Another way to work on forgiveness is to think about how you feel about what the person did to you. Think about how those emotions are affecting your life. For instance, if you feel angry and bitter, how is that coloring how you see the world? Of course, some “mistakes” are bigger than others. With serious issues like emotional and physical abuse, it’s much harder to forgive the other person. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness is mainly for your benefit; it doesn’t absolve the other person for what they’ve done. Forgiveness is about letting go of the bitterness you have against the other person. It’s hard to let go of your negative feelings towards the person if you’re not willing to forgive them. You don’t forget your pain, just that you stop harboring anger in your heart towards the person. [5] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
If you had a fairly amiable relationship, try to remember that you were both trying your best to make the relationship work, and work on letting go of the blaming cycle.
Try thinking about a particular moment that bugs you. You might be thinking, “I wish I could take back what I said. " Instead, rephrase the statement: “I regret that I said that, but I’ve learned from my mistake. I’ll do better in the future. "
Some of the people you may consider talking to are professional therapists, psychiatrists, school and occupational counselors, and, if desired, authoritative voices in your community like priests or rabbis. Just find a voice you trust who has some professional expertise. Ask your friends or family for recommendations if you’re not sure who to talk to.
Make a list of all the things you can do now that you’re not in a relationship. For instance, maybe you can spend more time with your friends and family, go on solo trips, move out of town, or stay up as late as you want. This list can you remind you of how fun it can be to be independent.
For instance, you might write, “I have great tenacity. It only took me a year from when I started running to complete a marathon! And if I have tenacity, I can get through this, too. "
You don’t need to completely give up on your old friends, but having a new circle gives you a safe space to socialize. You can also rely on friends you don’t have in common. Try rekindling an old friendship you may have let go by the wayside a bit. To make new friends, try going to community meetups, taking fun classes at your library or with your parks and recreation department, or even striking up a conversation with someone at a local coffee shop.
Let yourself go as slow as you need when you start dating again. There’s no rush. In fact, it might be a good idea to bring that up with anyone you’re dating. You might say, “Hey, I should let you know that I just got out of a difficult relationship, so I’m just looking for something casual right now. "
Go out with friends and have a good laugh together!
Of course, you can still have that piece of chocolate cake or a bag of chips, especially in the first day or so. Just try not to only eat chips and cake. Opt for some healthy foods, too.
Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week. Exercise is great for the brain because it releases feel-good chemicals in your body. If you’re outside, you’ll also get the benefit of vitamin D! Plus, it’s great for your body and gets you out of the house.
Try getting into a nighttime routine. Shut off your electronics at least an hour before you want to go to bed, so your brain starts winding down. Have some warm milk or herbal tea, or take a warm bath to soothe your mind. You may have the opposite problem, too, where you want to sleep all the time. While getting some extra sleep isn’t a bad idea (9-10 hours a night), try not to overdo it. Force yourself to get up and get out in the world.
Even if you find that the advice you receive from your close confidants isn’t perfect, the sense of comradeship can still make you feel better.
However, it’s okay to go easy on yourself. You are going through a hard time, and it’s okay to take breaks when you need them. Just try to keep up as much as you can.
You can even do something as simple as getting cup of coffee from your favorite coffee shop and curling up with a good book.
Striking out on your own with a new pastime gives you a sense of independence and freedom, plus it can be invigorating, sparking creativity.
