Maybe your friend was recently stressed out and needs some extra attention. If this is the case, the problem should resolve itself. Give him/her some extra time and try to get them to say whats going on. Dumping a friend thats going through a tough time will only make it worse. Remember, you have to be there when she/ he needs you! You may need to try and set boundaries if your friend is constantly demanding your attention. This is just plain toxic. But if hes going though a tough time, better to stay.
Don’t say something like “I’ve got a doctors appointment” to buy yourself some free time. You will likely grow tired of coming up with excuses. Being direct can be more effective.
Don’t be afraid to tell your friend that you feel like she is asking too much of you. A good friend will listen to you and give you the time and space that you need. Your own well-being is important. Don’t neglect your own needs for those of your friend.
It’s important to remember that your own needs are just as important. It can also help to remember that good friendships should make both people feel great and supported by the relationship.
Think about steps you may have already taken to fix the relationship. Have you already spoken to your friend about your space needs? Have you tried other strategies to distance yourself? If so, what happened? Did it work for a while or not at all? Consider how the friendship makes you feel. If it is draining and stressful to spend time with your friend, then it may be necessary to end it. Ask yourself if seeing your friend only once per week or twice per month would be enough distance, or if you really do need to end the friendship completely.
You can try hanging out together in larger groups to let your friend get to know other people. Ask your other friends to try and spend time with your clingy friend. If you tell your friend you are busy and can’t hang out, suggest that they meet with other people who you both know.
Don’t feel pressured into meeting at a time or place that you don’t want to. If you don’t want to meet up with your friend, then you might say something like, “That won’t work for me. Can we plan on a different day?” You might also want to set some basic limits. For example, you might meet your friend once a month for a movie night. You might approach this limit by saying something like, “I like seeing movies with you, but I really only have the time and money to see a movie once per month. Let’s make the first Friday of the month our movie night. ”
Try letting your friend know when you are free. For example, you might say, “I am really busy on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, so I might not be able to talk at all on those days. However, you can call me after 5pm on Tuesday or Thursday, or any time on Saturday. ”
Try talking to your friend to see if you can determine if there is something going on that may be causing your friend to be so clingy. For example, you might say something like, “I have noticed that you are spending a lot more time with me. Is everything alright?” If you friend confides in you that she is struggling with something, then you might encourage her to speak to a counselor. For example, you might say, “That sounds really difficult. I think it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone who can really help you. ” Sometimes people are clingy because they’re uncomfortable with spending time by themselves and being bored. Try encouraging your friend to embrace alone time and use it as an opportunity to explore their own interests. [7] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
You don’t have to be mean or aggressive. Instead, focus on being honest and direct with your friend. You can talk with your friend about this in a friendly and understating tone. Try to state your feelings and needs while being empathetic to your friend. Try to speak using “I” statements and explain how you feel rather than how you view your friend’s clingy behavior. You might try saying something like “I really enjoy your company but I also need time to myself. I think we should see a little less of each other for a while. ”
Think about how much time you need to yourself to be happy. How often does your friend interfere with this alone time? Think about how you would like your friend’s behavior to change. What types of things would you like her to stop doing or to at least do less? Texting? Calling? Dropping by unannounced?
If your friend invites herself along to events that you had already planned, then you might try saying “I love doing things with you, but I already made my plans for this night. Let’s meet up another time. ” If your friend calls or texts you late at night or at other inconvenient times, then you will need to explain to your friend what you would like her to do instead. For example, you might say something like, “I love our conversations, but it is hard for me to give you my full attention when I am at work. Can you call me a little after I finish work instead, like at 5:30?” If your friend gets upset or bombards you with more texts if you don’t respond right away, then you might say, “I enjoy getting a text from you but I can’t always respond right away. Can you try not to send me more than one text when you are waiting for a response?” To get your friend to respect your privacy when you are at home or out doing something without her, you might say, “I look forward to seeing you, but it is not always convenient for you to drop by unannounced. Can you just send me a text or call me before you come over to see if I am free?”
Don’t change your mind half-way through the conversation. Avoid being unclear. Saying something like “I love hanging out with you, but maybe, I don’t know. Let’s meet, once in a while? I mean, whenever, no big deal. " is unclear, not confident, and won’t get your message across.
Giving in and breaking your own rules will send the message that your friend can still do whatever she wants. Although it may be difficult, keeping your own rules in place is the only way to address this problem.
Friends who won’t give you space or time apart, especially after you talk with them about it, are unlikely to respect you. Your friend may care more about her own needs than yours. This isn’t how good friendships function. Don’t let feelings of guilt or a sense of owing your friend keep you in a bad friendship. If they aren’t respecting your needs, it’s okay to leave the relationship.
