If you don’t have an after-school activity, you may want to consider joining one, to make new friends as well as to pursue romantic interests. You can also find a person who doesn’t do extracurricular activities and see if they’d be free to do something after school with you. It can also be beneficial to find someone that you have a lot of classes with, because there are lots of ways to start a conversation with them. Light-hearted gossip can be okay: “Can you believe what so-and-so said in class today?” You can also suggest studying together: “I get so bored memorizing all those dates and names. Do you want to quiz me later?”
You can always begin a conversation by talking about what you have in common, but you should try to branch out quickly into what is important to your crush. Ask them about their family and other parts of their life. When they tell you, ask for more intimate details. If they tell you that they have your brother, say “Do you get along?” If they tell you that they like music or video games, ask what they like about them, and try to figure out why. The more that you ask, the more that you’ll understand about them. As a bonus, if you act more interested in them, they will be more interested in you.
This is important for a couple reasons. First, there is no risk in getting rejected if you were going out anyway. Second, it reduces pressure because it is not a date, and you will be comfortable doing something you are accustomed to doing. It is important to create a solid base of friendship before you try to embark on a relationship. It will reduce your risk of idealizing your crush in an unrealistic way if you interact with them like one of your friends.
Just talk to them. If they listen to you and remember what you say, then they are interested you at least as friends. If they laugh at your jokes or ask about your life, even better. Expressions of affection range from glaringly obvious to extremely subtle. On the obvious end of the spectrum you have unsolicited touching. If they insist upon hugs or playfully poke or smack you, it’s a good sign. On the subtle end, something as simple as where their feet are pointing can be an indicator. If they cross their legs or edge away when you get really close to them, then it’s probably not a good idea to ask them out. [1] X Research source
You may be tempted to say that you are “in love” with your crush. This is an incredibly strong phrase that can seem unreal or scary to someone else. Instead, try to frame your confession in terms of “liking” them. It is best to do this at the end of a conversation, so that if they do not reciprocate, you can escape without it getting too awkward. As the conversation dies down, you can say, “I really like talking to you”, or “I really like spending time with you”. These are sort of vague, so they are lower risk. If you feel like they like you back, you can simply say, “I really like you”.
If you regularly hang out in a certain place, it might be as simple as asking them to go to that place with you romantically. For example, “Do you want to go on a date to the arcade? I’ll buy your first two games. ” If you hang out mostly with friends, or if you want to be more romantic you can ask them out to a new place. For example, “Do you want to go on a date to the movies?” Or, “I know a really beautiful place to watch the sunset. Maybe we can get ice cream and watch it. ”
It’s less than ideal to interrupt with ground rules during a makeout session. If things are going too fast, though, don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’re not comfortable. It’s more important to be safe. It’s okay to say, “I don’t want to go this fast right now. Can we go back to what we were doing before and talk about it later?” If you think that you want to go further and your partner hasn’t shown any signs one way or the other, you should bring this up as well. It’s okay to be matter-of-fact: “I’m interested in having sex in the future, but I don’t want to go faster than you’re comfortable with. What are your feelings about having sex?” If you are both on the same page and want to have sex, make sure that you use proper protection [3] X Research source . This can mean condoms, dental dams and birth control in some cases. If one of you has had sexual partners before, they should get an STD test at a local clinic.
If you think that your partner cares more about hanging out with friends than spending time with you, don’t immediately accuse them of neglecting you. Instead, try to find a way for your partner to do what they want while still meeting your needs. For example, “We haven’t hung out much this week. Can we have a date on Saturday?” You should be able to disagree about small things without fighting. If anyone is trying to control what the other person thinks or does, it can quickly become an abusive relationship. You should never be afraid of what your partner thinks.
Listen to your partner. If you’re dismissing things that they do and calling them stupid, you aren’t respecting them. If you make fun of them to your friends, or don’t defend them to your friends, you aren’t respecting them. If your partner forces you to do something that you do not want to do, emotionally or physically, you should end your relationship immediately. You deserve someone who respects you and your free will. Search for things that you respect about your partner– look for talents they might have, and try to notice when they’ve worked hard on something. When you say, “I really admire your ability to work hard on x”, or “I’ve never seen someone so great at x”, your partner will notice, and by searching, you will see them as more capable too.
If it makes you uncomfortable that your partner is spending time with someone, it might be best to just tell them how you feel. For example, “I get jealous when you spend so much time talking to this person. I just need a reminder that you aren’t interested in anybody else. ”
