In high school, there’s generally more division of social groups based on grades as well. Understand that the activities seniors engage in may be very different from what you are used to. For example, it’s common for seniors to go out and party more than freshmen. Don’t engage in any dangerous or illegal activities just to spend time around your crush.
Understand that this is one major drawback of dating an older person in high school. If they start pressuring you to engage in sexual acts that you are not ready for, stay true to yourself and don’t cave. If they do not respect your boundaries, it’s time to end the relationship.
Not only are there differences in terms of workload and social groups, but freshmen and seniors also differ in terms of maturity, both physical and psychological. Because of this, it may be inadvisable to get into a relationship with someone who is much older than you unless you are both sure that you’re at a similar level in terms of emotional and psychological maturity, which will lead to the two of you making safe, healthy decisions. [2] X Research source
These boundaries are not only physical but also mental and emotional. Decide what you want out of a relationship beforehand and don’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect the boundaries that you have decided on. For example, if you end up going to parties where seniors are drinking or doing drugs, don’t feel pressured to join in. And if your crush (or anyone else for that matter) pushes you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, that’s a clear sign to walk away. One in three adolescents in the United States is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. [4] X Research source Keep yourself safe by watching for warning signs, such as aggression, threats, or manipulative behaviors. As a freshmen, you are more vulnerable to be on the receiving end of relationship abuse as seniors tend to be older, bigger, and may see themselves as having power over you. If you feel unsafe or think you may be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, seek help from a trusted family member or other adult.
To find out this information, ask around but try to be discreet about it and only ask friends you know you can trust. After all, you don’t want the word getting around that you are interested in someone without getting a chance to know them first! If you don’t already know their age, find out! After all, if you are in the older end of your grade and your crush is young for their grade, there might not even be much of an age gap between you two.
For example, ask around to see if they are involved in any sports, clubs, or extracurricular activities. Or, if you already speak to each other from time to time, make a point of casually asking your crush about what they’re into. Maybe they’re secretly a film buff or love to draw and you do too. Don’t be afraid to ask as you may end up having some unexpected interests in common! Once you’ve learned about some of their activities, you can include yourself in them, especially if they are school-related, such as a sports or club. Just be sure to do it if you are also actively interested in the activity–never do something just for the sake of being around your crush.
Since there are very few private places in school, you may always feel like you have an audience watching you when you approach your crush. You can either decide to just ignore the onlookers or approach your crush in a more relaxed setting, such as at the beginning or end of the lunch period or between classes. Be relaxed and direct in introducing yourself. Avoid blushing, giggling, or otherwise showing signs of nervousness as that can just make both you and your crush feel awkward. Keep the introduction short and simple by saying something along the lines of, “Hey my name is _____ and I just wanted to say hi because I’ve seen you around and you seem like a really cool person. ” If you have a sibling or other friends who are seniors, you can also ask them to introduce you to your crush. That’ll take some of the pressure off of you and also give your crush more of a reason to get to know you.
Ask them questions about their religion, beliefs, or background but do it in a way that isn’t overly prying or obnoxious. Just take a sincere interest in getting to know them as a person and pick up on nonverbal cues. For example, if they only tell you the bare minimum about their family or what they believe in, don’t press them and instead move onto another subject or tell them a little bit about yourself. After all, the goal is to get to know your crush and if you interrogate them too much, you may end up driving them away!
For example, if you prefer reading and watching movies over going to your high school football games, don’t pretend that you’re a huge sports fan. You want your crush to like you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be.
Be aware of your body language. Everyone picks up on body cues subconsciously so communicate confidence with good posture, direct eye contact, and an easygoing smile. If you are feeling uncomfortable or insecure, fake it til you make it. Laugh and smile a lot and try to keep things in stride. For example, if someone insults you while you are talking to your crush, make a lighthearted joke about it rather than getting upset or depressed.
If that isn’t the case, practice maturity by being organized, disciplined, and rational in your decision making. [6] X Research source Of course, there’s only so much you can do as maturity comes with age, but consciously working towards being mature rather than childlike will definitely make you stand out from other freshmen.
Good communication and mutual respect are perhaps the two most crucial aspects of any healthy relationship. When talking to your crush, be honest about yourself and practice good listening skills. Also be sure to respect them by being considerate of their time and feelings (and make sure they are reciprocating!). You’ll know if you are in a healthy relationship if you feel good about yourself and energized when spending time with that person. Unhealthy relationships tend to be emotionally unfulfilling, draining, and negative so make sure to watch for how you feel when spending time with your crush as that will clue you into whether the relationship is actually healthy or not. [7] X Research source
