Anger can sometimes feel like a remedy for feeling powerless: it makes you feel more powerful. [2] X Research source Keep in mind, however, that the feeling will go away. Give less of your attention to anger and focus on healing your wounded emotions. Write in a journal and focus on your emotions regarding the situation. Don’t write about the anger, instead focus your attention on the hurt. Write about your feelings, and if anything like this has happened before. It may be that you hold onto previous hurt and it is being expressed (and magnified) in the present situation.
Radical acceptance means turning your resistant thoughts into accepting thoughts. “This is my life right now. I don’t like it and I don’t think it’s okay, but it is my reality and I cannot change what is out of my control. ”[4] X Research source Practice radical acceptance with smaller things, and it will help you radically accept larger, more painful situations. You can practice radical acceptance while in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, after a spill on the carpet, and during extra long waits at the doctor or dentist.
The loving-kindness meditation helps practice compassion and empathy. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and start by choosing a phrase to say to yourself, such as, ”I wish to send unconditional love to myself” and do so. Then, say this mantra to someone you feel neutral about (such as a salesperson or man next to you in a line). Then, say the mantra to the person you hold resentment toward. Finally, say the statement to all beings (“I wish to send unconditional love to all beings”). [6] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Now, reflect on how you feel. Do you still feel the tightness toward that person?
Remember that you make mistakes and still want to be accepted. Remember that all humans want acceptance, even though we all have our challenges. Try to see the situation from the other person’s eyes. What was going on with that person? Is he experiencing difficult things in life that may have caused him to explode? Understand that each person has personal struggles that must be dealt with, and that sometimes those struggles leak out in other relationships.
If you struggle to love yourself, begin practicing a mantra of “I am able to love and be loved fully. ” Practice saying this mantra and it will begin to influence the way you see yourself. [8] X Research source
Don’t act on your impulses; wait until you are calm and in control of your body and emotions. It is likely that feelings of revenge will pass once you get out of the mindset. [10] X Research source If you choose to talk to the person you resent, watch your words. Don’t say anything you may regret in a moment of passion or to get revenge. It’s ultimately not worth it.
Resentment can occur when expectations aren’t communicated clearly. A discussion on expectations and desires can help clarify current problems and avoid future problems. Have clear expectations with the people in your life. Compromise with the people in your life on what standards and expectations you each have for the relationship.
Instead of saying “You ruined the relationship and I’ll never forgive you!” try saying “I feel very hurt by what you did and it’s hard for me to move past this. ”
Accepting that people make mistakes doesn’t mean excusing their behavior. It means you allow yourself to see the context surrounding the person and the experience to help you understand better.
Good friends will accept you regardless of the mistakes you make, and being a good friend means accepting others even when they make mistakes.
Ask yourself what the person or situation triggered that deeply hurt you. Did you experience feeling abandoned, traumatized, or re-experience unpleasant memories from the past? It’s likely the person uncovered a deeper hurt inside you. [16] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source You don’t even have to verbally forgive someone. You can forgive someone who is no longer in your life or who has passed on. One way to practice forgiveness is by writing the situation and then writing about why you are choosing to forgive. Have a small (safe) fire and burn the paper.
