Just as you need to focus on the other person while they talk, it’s also vital for them to give you their full attention—and it’s okay to politely ask for that focus.
Ask concise questions, too. “Will you please pass me that paper?” is far more direct and engaging than, “Excuse me? I was just wondering—if you have a minute—would you mind passing me that paper, please?” A pleasantry like “please,” “thank you,” or “Hello, everyone!” is still important to include in any conversation, so you can appear confident without being too blunt or impolite. If you try to give a great amount of detail or go on a long tangent, you run the risk of people losing interest. The more you say, the less likely people are to remember all of it. You can always redirect the conversation if the other person gets off-topic. If a friend goes on a lengthy tangent, you could wait until they finish talking and say, “So, I’ve been thinking about our conversation earlier…"[3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Understandably, not every conversation can be positive. One way to keep your words from getting too negative is to use “I” statements, describing your feelings without accusing the other person of anything. If you feel like someone isn’t listening, address this with an I-statement. Say, “I feel sad when it seems like my ideas aren’t being taken seriously,” instead of, “You don’t care what I have to say!”
For example, “You’re always late! It’s so annoying” is an exaggeration. If you want to address the issue, try, “You’ve been late twice in a row now. Would it help if we added a little extra wiggle room in our plans next time?”
Try not to mumble, even if you’re shy. Pay attention to the other person’s body language—if they’re leaning forwards and looking puzzled, they might be struggling to hear you. That’s your cue to raise your voice a little!
Pauses can help you stay calm and on-topic throughout the conversation. If you’re having an intense conversation with a friend or loved one, they’re more likely to listen to a collected and thoughtful person. It can also help you sound more authoritative during speeches and presentations since you’ll have a moment to refocus your thoughts and plan ahead.
If your body language doesn’t match your words, on the other hand, people might doubt what you’re saying. For example, if you say “I agree” while crossing your arms and looking away, it suggests you disagree. To match your words and body language, you could say “I agree” while nodding and standing straight with your arms at your sides. Your open body language will convey honesty!
When you make eye contact, you’ll seem more trustworthy and earnest. Try to establish eye contact before you start speaking to someone to make a strong first impression.
Folded arms suggest that the person feels closed off or defensive. Lack of eye contact indicates that someone isn’t listening or might even be embarrassed. However, remember that breaking eye contact for short periods is normal! Turning or leaning away might mean that the other person is losing interest and looking to get away. [10] X Research source If the other person seems engaged, making plenty of eye contact, fully facing you, and leaning towards you, then you can continue the conversation naturally!
For example, if you are explaining a problem, relate it to something that the person you’re talking to has experienced. You might find it easier to share your thoughts and communicate with like-minded people with similar experiences and outlooks to yours. [12] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source When giving a work presentation, knowing your audience is important. Learn about the people you’ll be presenting to and use that knowledge to form a connection with them during your speech.
To get people to listen, you have to show them you’re a good listener too! Avoid interrupting the other person. Instead, show them you’re listening with small gestures, like a nod or verbal “uh-huh. " Though you may disagree, remember to be non-judgmental. You want them to respect your thoughts and ideas, so take the initiative and show them the same respect.
