No contact means absolutely zero contact. Do not agree to meet or chat once you’ve made your decision here. If the narcissist is a coworker, family member, or classmate, you may not be able to do this. Alternatively, you may not want to go this far. In either case, it’s okay. We’ll cover other strategies here as well. If you are worried for your physical safety, do not hesitate to leave and get help immediately.
If you opt to ignore them, or they confront you on why you’re acting differently, you might say, “It’s not up for discussion,” or, “I’m sorry, I’d rather not elaborate. ” If you are going no contact, you can leave them a goodbye letter if you want them to know why this is happening.
If they do poke around and ask why you’re avoiding them, you have two options. You can simply play coy like you don’t really know what they’re talking about, or you can “apologize” and say you won’t do it again (but definitely do it again).
Explain where the line is. Do not mince words when you tell them what you will no longer accept. For example, “You cannot tell me how I spend my time and money. ” Describe the consequence. There must be a clear consequence or else the narcissist will keep at it. You could say, “If you don’t stop, I’m not going to talk to you about what I’m up to. ” Refuse to back down. Narcissists will push back on boundaries. Don’t let up. You might say, “It’s not up for negotiation. I’m not asking; I’m telling. That’s it. ” Enforce the boundary. If you don’t follow through, a narcissist will simply think they can ignore your boundary. Stick to your guns!
Whether you go totally mute or not depends on how comfortable you are with confrontation. A narcissist won’t respond calmly if you totally ignore them, but it should be fine so long as you’re in a safe, public setting.
The trick here is to be really muted, indescriptive, and detached. If the narcissist isn’t getting a whole lot out of you, they’ll become frustrated and start spending their time elsewhere.
It’s sort of like dealing with a bully. A bully is trying to get you to beg, plead, or throw a punch. By responding in a friendly way, you’ll throw them off their game. For example, if they say, “I can’t believe you’re so late. You’re such a slob when it comes to keeping track of time,” you might say, “Yeah, sorry. Totally my bad!”
This isn’t to say that you automatically feel bad about who you are if a narcissist is hovering around you. It’s not your fault that this person is being abusive.
If you do need help parsing out whether you’ve made a mistake or not, talk to a close friend or family member whom you trust to get some feedback. If you’re tempted to go back, remind yourself why you left in the first place. You might make a list about everything they’ve done to you, or put a note up in your room to remind yourself to stay the course. [10] X Research source
Narcissism is also closely linked to aggressive behavior, so this may even be a dangerous move if you push their buttons too hard. [12] X Research source
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