For example, if your bad reputation comes from your clothing choices but you like them, that is okay. You are not doing anything wrong by expressing your individuality. In fact, learning to assert yourself is a very important life skill. You might explain to others about why you wear what you do, whether you are following a religious belief or are interested in a particular subculture like punk music. Standing up to peer pressure and bullying is difficult but being your true self makes it worth it.
You might learn that your reputation is not as damaged as you believe. It is still important to be introspective.
“Slut-shaming” is a common tactic used to make girls and women feel bad about how they dress or behave. For example, perhaps your favorite pair of jeans is pretty tight, or you like to wear tops that show a little cleavage. You might develop a reputation as a “ho” or “slut” for wearing them, even though there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself through fashion. Studies suggest that women may engage in this type of behavior almost as often as men. [4] X Research source This type of behavior stems from deeply sexist social and cultural traditions that believe that women’s bodies are subject to public comment, and it can be hard to accept that these hurtful statements don’t have anything to do with who you really are. This type of reputation can be very hard to deal with because it’s inherently hurtful and unfair. You’ll have to decide to what extent you want to comply with society’s demands, and how much self-expression you feel comfortable with. Talking with a counselor may help.
People also are prone to “catching” emotions of the groups they hang out with. If your group of friends tends to behave negatively, even if you’re generally a nice person their behavior is likely to rub off on you. On the other hand, if you hang out with kind, nice people with good reputations, their behavior and feelings will influence yours in a positive way. [6] X Research source
Delete any negative public social media posts. Consider posting some positive public posts. If your social media profiles portray an image of a good person, it will make it harder for people to believe lies or gossip that tries to paint you in a bad light. Remember that things like reviews also feed your reputation. If you’re rude or mean in reviews of services or businesses, this will reflect badly on you. If you have negative feedback to share, do so in a constructive way. For example, a Yelp review saying, “this Starbucks SUCKS and everyone there are CRAPPY **” is unproductive, and could lead to people thinking you are mean or rude. Instead, write something like “The last time I bought coffee at Starbucks it took three times to get my order right, and the barista was really rude to me. This was really disappointing and I’ll probably go elsewhere for my coffee. " You’ve still communicated your complaint, but in a mature way. If you routinely post about things that many people may disapprove of, such as drug use, consider not posting those things (or at least set your privacy settings to restrict your posts’ audience). Monitor what your friends tag you in on social media. Remove tags that seem inappropriate, or that you wouldn’t want a potential boss or teacher seeing. Set your privacy settings on social media sites like Facebook to “close friends” or “friends” for any vents. Try not to broadcast negativity publicly. Regardless of the privacy setting, do not write hurtful or untrue things about others online. Also, avoid sending texts, photos, or emails that contain harmful content. You do not want to be a cyberbully. [8] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying. gov Website run by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source
Assess what needs to be done. This will depend on what type of reputation you’ve developed. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a bully, stop trying to push others around or insist on your own way. Perhaps you could volunteer as a tutor or mentor to a younger child to mend your reputation. Break down what your “bad reputation” is into elements: a reputation as a bully, for example, could mean people think you’re unkind, disrespectful, manipulative, have anger issues or are self-centered. You’ll need to address all of these elements to get rid of that reputation. Write a list of steps to help you. If the damage to your reputation is extensive, it may take several actions to begin repairing it. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a slacker who never takes anything seriously, it will take some effort and time for people to see that you have changed your ways. Consider ways you can counter this reputation, such as setting alarms so that you are early for school, taking on extra-curricular activities to show you’re accepting responsibility, and handing assignments in on time to show that you’re getting your act together. Do not panic but do not wait too long to make things right. Consider talking to a trusted adult about how you should approach repairing your reputation. An objective opinion can help you see things in a different way.
In addition to apologizing, offer a way to make things right. This will show that you are not just apologizing for show. For example, if you have a bad reputation for being late all the time, do not simply say, “I’m sorry I’m always late. " Make concrete statements about what you will do next time, such as “I am setting reminders for events in my phone and leaving for things 10 minutes early so that I can be on time when I hang out with my friends. It’s important to me that you know I value your time and your friendship. " As another example, if you have a bad reputation for borrowing money and never paying it back, apologizing for this behavior is great, but it’s only half the battle. Making amends would be paying the money back. If you don’t have the money right now, tell the people you owe that you are working extra jobs to earn the money so you can pay them back. Give them a timeline as to when you can pay back installments of the money. You can also make indirect amends. For example, if something you’ve done has caused damage that you can’t repair, you can try to make a difference in another way. For example, if your reckless driving ended up injuring your friend, you can’t un-injure him. However, you could offer to do his chores for him, help him with homework, or other things that make his life easier as he recovers.
People who spread gossip are engaging in bullying. Verbal bullying, such as spreading gossip or trying to blackmail others by threatening to spread personal information around, can cause a lot of damage. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source If this is happening to you, talk with a trusted authority figure, such as a parent, teacher, or counselor. Bullying is never okay, and you can find help to get it to stop.
Throughout the day, check your attitude. If you find you are being negative or unkind, ask yourself why. Try to find the root cause of your behavior. For example, does getting up early make you grumpy? If so, try to go to bed earlier so you are not as tired. [14] X Research source Have a “positive posture. " Try standing straight, shoulders back, chin high. Stretch your arms out as wide as they can go. Feel powerful and positive. Carrying yourself with “positive posture” will encourage your mind to feel more positive as well. [15] X Research source Keep a gratitude journal. Write about the things for which you are thankful. What went right in your day? You also could ask a friend to be a gratitude partner. Together, you can discuss the things that are going well in your lives. [16] X Research source It is also okay to share things that are not going as well too. Consider volunteering for a good cause. Studies show that you are likely to feel better about yourself when you volunteer. Serving others will also show people that you are not self-centered or mean and that you are willing to work hard to improve your community. Gear your positive behavior toward fighting the specifics of your reputation. For example, if you have a bad reputation as a selfish person, make extra effort to help others. If you have a bad reputation as a gossip, openly refuse to talk about others, and confront others when you hear them gossiping.
Remember that actions always speak louder than words. If you slip up, acknowledge it immediately. Owning your mistake will show others that you are trustworthy and able to accept responsibility for your actions. [17] X Research source
For example, ask your equestrienne friend how she did in her weekend competition. Ask her the name of her horse and how often she trains. If she has public tournaments, consider going to support her. If you have friends who have been struggling with an illness or another problem, call them. Ask how they are doing. Consider sending a card or flowers. Show that you have not forgotten them. Call your friends on their birthdays even if they live far from you. Keeping track of your friends and their important milestones shows that you value your relationships with them.
Keep your focus on showing your true self and living your values. “Make other people think I’m attractive” isn’t a particularly helpful goal, and it also isn’t something you can control. “Live honestly so people know I’m trustworthy” is something you’re in control of, and it’s also a goal that’s in line with something you value about your character. If you aren’t sure what your values are, take a little time to figure them out. What’s the most important to you? What core beliefs shape how you see the world? What do you respect others for?
