Make eye contact and acknowledge the other people in the room. Don’t look at your phone or turn away from the crowd. Look for people who return your eye contact and smile at them. Avoid wearing headphones or staring down at your phone while you’re trying to engage someone. These are generally indicators that you aren’t open to a conversation. Keep your arms loose at your sides. Crossing them will make you seem closed-off and unapproachable, even if you’re feeling social deep down inside. Smiling, tilting your head, and raising your eyebrows slightly are all subtle cues that you are friendly and approachable. [2] X Research source
If you have met the person before, even if it was brief, ask a follow-up question to show that you remember your last conversation. If you haven’t met them before but have something in common, use this knowledge to break the ice. For example, you could say, “Hi, you’re Tom, right? My name is Jill. I heard that you’ve known my friend Jane for a long time. “[3] X Research source You could also try commenting on something about the environment or space you share. For example, if you notice they have unique decor at their desk, you might say, “Hey, I really like that frame you have. Do you have any recommendations for where to get pieces like that?” If you are in a business situation, introduce yourself, then tell them what you do for work. They will likely respond in the same way. If you want to continue the conversation, you can talk about career similarities or ask for an opinion based on their professional expertise. [4] X Research source Regardless of the situation, you can always talk about any kind of shared experience, whether it is the school you both go to, a person you both know, or even the event you are both attending. [5] X Research source
The best way to get more comfortable talking to strangers is to do it often, whether it’s with someone you’re romantically interested in or the person in front of you at the grocery store. The more you do it, the easier it will become. If you know nothing about the person you’re talking to, comment on the weather or something else in your shared environment. You can also try asking for a simple opinion, such as, “I like your coat. Where did you get it?"[7] X Research source
For example, you can start a conversation with small talk about hobbies. If they mention a hobby that you happen to share, you can begin a more in-depth conversation about it.
Don’t skip introductions and small talk, even if you have a specific purpose. The person will be more willing to talk to you if you come across as friendly and polite. Show some interest in how he is doing before you get to the purpose of your conversation. Make sure the person you want to talk to has enough time to talk about the topic. If the topic you want to talk about is private in any way, be sure the setting is appropriate as well. If you’re unable to have the entire conversation then and there, approach the person, make some small talk, then mention that you’d like to talk to them about something specific when they have a chance.
If you’re just getting to know a person, ask lots of questions about her work, her family, and her interests. [12] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020. [13] X Research source Ask open-ended questions and avoid ones with “yes” or “no” answers. For example, instead of asking if they like sushi, ask them what they think of the new sushi bar. Frame your responses in reference to the other person. For example, if they tell you about their busy schedule, say, “You must not have much time to relax,” instead of “I know what it’s like to not have any downtime. “[14] X Research source You can also show that you are attentive and interested by interjecting with affirmative phrases, like “Uh-huh” or “Wow” while the other person is telling a story. When it’s your turn to speak, restate key points or summarize what the other person was saying. This shows them you were attentive and care about what they had to say.
For example, if the person says he was recently divorced, avoid talking about relationships. Instead, steer the conversation in a more positive direction.
Remember to keep smiling throughout the conversation. Laugh when it’s appropriate. If you can’t think of anything positive to talk about, ask the other person an open-ended question like, “What are you planning to do this summer?” It’s okay to talk about serious subjects in certain contexts. For example, if you both know someone who’s in the hospital, it’s fine to mention that you’re sad for her and hope she recovers.
If you start to feel like you’re dominating the conversation, look for a way that you can redirect it towards the other person. Ask something like, “What’s your opinion on this?” Be humble when talking about yourself. Even if you’ve done something amazing, no one wants to hear you brag about it.
“I’ve really enjoyed meeting you, but I just saw someone I need to talk to. Maybe we can continue this conversation later?” “I’m going to go get some food. It was so nice meeting you. "
The only way to get past your anxiety is to keep putting yourself in new situations that challenge you. Keep in mind that no one else knows that you’re not confident. If you swallow your fears and pretend to be confident, no one will have any idea that you were anxious in the first place.
If it seems appropriate, you could research the invitees to a corporate event online and read about their recent projects. If you’re attending a dinner party at a friend’s house, ask her about the other people who’ll be there. If you can’t find any specific information on the people you’re likely to meet, think about what they are likely to be interested or involved in. Use this information to think about questions you might ask them to break the ice. For example, if you are attending a social event at you university, you could ask people to tell you about their most interesting class.
Avoid getting political with people you don’t know. Some people don’t want to talk about sensitive subjects, while others might be ready to get into a heated debate. [21] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
Focus on things that other people would be able to relate to in some way. For example, you could ask, “I love trying new types of cuisine. Do you have any favorite restaurants around here?” Don’t plan out exactly what you will say. This will probably come across as scripted and awkward. You may also get caught off-guard if the other person doesn’t respond exactly the way you expected.
If a person is running errands or has his hands full, it’s probably best not to approach him—unless of course, you’re offering to give him a hand. If someone is disengaging from the group by reading, listening to music, or staying away from everyone else, there’s a good chance that they don’t want to be bothered. If the person you’re talking to is fidgeting, turning away from you, or not responding to you, it may be a sign that you should end the conversation or change the topic. If someone is not returning your eye contact, it may indicate that he does not want to talk.
Practice slow talk at home by reading a book or text out loud. The more you get used to the pace, the more natural it will become.
