Incorporate different topics into your conversation. Keep it lighthearted and funny at times and balance that with more serious matters at others. [3] X Research source Be as sincere as possible without appearing fake. For example, if your friend having trouble in your relationship in a way you cannot relate you can assure them and say “I don’t totally understand how you’re feeling, but I am happy to talk about this however much and in whatever way you need. ” This would be better than simply saying “I know exactly how you feel,” especially if you don’t
Ask questions during the conversation, which can show that you’re listening closely to what your friend is saying. [5] X Research source Notice differences in their tone or demeanor, which may indicate they are hesitant about something or it is difficult for them. You can gently probe by asking “is everything alright?” This will give them a chance to let you know if anything is wrong. Don’t push your friend to tell you anything with which they are uncomfortable. This shows them that you are trustworthy and genuinely there for them.
Discuss different topics with your friend/family member including serious and lighthearted matters. This can help them see your similarities and may make them more likely to confide a secret in you. [7] X Research source Sharing can really help establish a relationship of trust between people, especially if both individuals are comfortable talking about themselves. [8] X Research source Keep what you talk about and share commensurate with what your friend/family member shares. Oversharing and not sharing enough may undermine you ability to get them to tell you secrets. [9] X Research source
Don’t push or even force them to do or say something with which they arn’t comfortable with. Assure them in any way you can. For example, if you know she isn’t telling you everything and is keeping secrets, you can say “You can tell me anything, you know that right?”
Follow up on any commitment you make to the best of your ability. Showing that you are reliable even with the most basic things helps maintain trust. If you cannot honor something, give the person plenty of notice and make to explain the circumstances and then apologize. Make sure to not pass judgment on anything they tell you. This can help them be more ready to confide in you. [10] X Research source
Don’t repeat gossip you’ve heard about them or other people. If you do, this could make them wonder what you say about them when their not around. Assert you opinions without being overbearing to show your friend that you can hold your own with others and are not susceptible to influence by outside forces.
Keep anything you think might be sensitive to your friend to yourself. Ask if you are not sure if you can say something to others, but know this might undermine their trust for you. For example, if they tells you there is pregnant, just ask “should I keep this to myself or are you sharing the news with others. ” Respect there wishes with whatever there decision on relaying information is.
Ask in a patient and non-confrontational manner. Assure the person you want to know because you support them and that you will keep the secret to yourself.
Research shows that holding on to secrets can cause physical and emotional distress. Tell your friend that if they want to talk to you about their secret it may make them feel better.
Avoid all temptation to tell the secret, which can have serious consequences for your relationship.
Avoid using the person’s name or too many details that could indicate the person’s identity. Consider speaking to a professional such as a lawyer or police office about the secret and how to handle it. Discuss your feelings with someone who doesn’t know the person who has divulged their secret.
Make sure the secret you share is similar to theirs. Remember it’s not a competition, but meant as a measure to assure both of you. Say, “Please keep this to yourself, but I understand how you feel. I have a secret, too. ”
