Even if they are happy, if you recently got in trouble, it would be smart to wait at least a few days, or until any tension or awkwardness has faded between you. Don’t ask when your parents are extremely busy. Imagine someone asking you to go to the store and pick them up some almond milk, while you’re in the middle of doing a huge school project. Their request would seem selfish and frustrating.
Smiling lets your parents know that even though you want something, you are still relaxed. This will make you seem more approachable and help your parents relax themselves. Stand or sit with your legs wide. Keep your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Avoid crossing your arms. All of this shows confidence, comfort, and openness. Nod when your parents are talking. Keep your head up and make regular, confident eye contact, but don’t stare. This will let your parents know that you are listening and confident.
Try opening your request like this, “Mom, you work really hard to support us and treat us to the things we like. I’m really grateful for that, thank you. ” This isn’t a trick to fool them. Don’t fake or force gratitude. Be sincere and it will go a long way in your conversation.
An example of direct communicating is like this, “Dad, I want to go on a trip to Florida so I can learn to surf by the beach. ” Having a more proactive purpose is also helpful. Consider this example, “Mom, I really want to get a laptop so I can spend more time writing and learning to build websites so I can prepare for college. ”
Using this strategy shows patience, because you are willing to wait a day or more to get a reply. This could impress your parents and lead to a better outcome for you.
Once you understand why they said no – for example, “you don’t help around the house,” or “your grades are too low” – ask them how you could do better. Follow through and try to improve your behavior. Being calm and reasonable might actually impress your parents and help you get what you want in the long run.
To know what is a “good” reason to your parents, look at what they value. Depending on differences in culture and family this could be many things. Helping with family business and caring for siblings may impress some parents, whereas efforts in school and extracurricular activities may convince other parents more effectively. Figure out when they have praised and appreciated your actions; these are “good” reasons to get you what you want. It’s also possible that some parents will be more impressed by logical arguments. Prepare a few good reasons why you want or need this item/trip/experience. It will show your parents you aren’t just acting on impulse or cravings, and have given thought before coming to them. Some “good” examples may be that it will help you progress in school, prepare you for adulthood, or help you grow as a person. Other “good” answers may be that it will feed your imagination, bring you relief from the challenges in your life, or benefit the entire family and/or community. Reasons that focus on self-centered, or irrational wants will be less convincing. For example don’t say, “because my friend has one. ” Parents will often take this to mean you are just following fads, want to be like others, and won’t really value the gift. Other not so “good” reasons are that you “just want it,” that you “deserve it,” or that you “need to have it. ” Also, complaining that they are mean parents if they don’t get it for you is also unlikely to work.
Work out how long it would take you to save up half of the cost, as well as the entire cost. If your parents are willing to split it, these numbers will come in handy during your conversation. If you feel certain it’s something you won’t get, try to accept that possibility. If you succeed, you’ll feel much more appreciative. If you end up being right, it will help you let go of any hard feelings towards your parents.
Work out how long it would take you to save up half of the cost, as well as the entire cost. If your parents are willing to split it, these numbers will come in handy during your conversation. If you feel certain it’s something you won’t get, try to accept that possibility. If you succeed, you’ll feel much more appreciative. If you end up being right, it will help you let go of any hard feelings towards your parents.
Examples of work you could offer to do are doing laundry, cleaning kitchens and bathrooms, sweeping/vacuuming floors, taking care of pets, mowing the lawn, pressure washing outdoor surfaces, and organizing cluttered spaces.
Get a part time job to earn money. If you are too young to work legally, ask your parents if you can earn money doing small jobs for them. Save any money you earn until you have enough to pay for half of what you want (or to pay for gas on a trip somewhere). Come to your parents once you have all you need. Showing them you can plan, work, and save on your own may convince them.
Ultimately, your parents want you to succeed in life, grow smarter, and set yourself up to thrive as an adult. Raising your grades is solid proof you’re making an effort to do just that. See if you can make a deal with them that for each class you raise one grade level, you will get a certain gift. Or if it is an expensive gift/trip, for each class you raise a grade, they will pay for another portion of the cost.
As you figure out all of the things your parents want you to do on a regular basis, start doing them before they ask. Set the table once dinner is almost ready, vacuum the house, or mow the lawn. Acting without having to be told is even more impressive and appreciated. This is a “long game” approach. If you follow this step consistently, your parents may begin to appreciate and respect your efforts more. This will benefit you any time you want something from them.
Acting this way is considered more grown-up and will earn your parents’ respect. Ultimately it will contribute to getting what you want with less resistance. Any housework your parents normally do that they wouldn’t ask you to do is a possible choice. Make sure you feel capable and know how to safely perform any chores before asking to take them on. Typical chores like cleaning, caring for pets, and mowing lawns are also good choices. The key here is an attitude of willingly contributing to the family’s greater good.
Parents need to know that their children are safe, and not in danger when they can’t be there with them. Act responsibly when you’re in front of them. Chose responsible, trustworthy friends so they do not worry as much. Parents want to feel respected, and heard. Don’t insult them or call them names. When they are upset with you, listen to what they are saying and try to understand. Parents need their children to know who they are. It takes most kids until they are grown to see their parents as people. Take time to ask about their lives. Not only will it make them more likely to give you what you want, but it will help build an open, communicative relationship.
Engage in conversation with their friends, answer all the questions they ask you, and try to be as interested as possible. Show respect and politeness to your elders (not just the elderly, but all people who are older than you).
This step applies to all your interactions with your parents. If you complain, yell, or flip out, you’ll get the same in return. It’s more likely your parents will get defensive and see you as misbehaving. [7] X Research source
