Take at least a week or two to cool off and to be able to think more rationally about the situation instead of acting with your emotions. Take this time to be on your own, write in your journal, and deal with your feelings. This can help you approach the situation with more of a plan and less intensity. [1] X Research source
You don’t want to sign yourself up for a failing mission. If you really think there’s absolutely no chance that you’ll get your ex back, then you have to ask yourself if you’re just setting yourself up to get crushed again. However, if you really think your ex and you are meant to be together and that you were driven apart because of a misunderstanding, then you should get ready to make things work again.
Of course, if the problem really was some kind of an irreconcilable difference, then you have to ask yourself if there’s a way for you and your ex to be able to accept it and to move on. Think long and hard. You may think that the real issue in the relationship was one thing, when your boyfriend saw things completely differently. Maybe you think you broke up because you didn’t spend enough time together, but the real reason is because your boyfriend felt like you weren’t opening yourself up to him. [2] X Research source
Remember that if you’re not happy with yourself, then you can’t be happy in a relationship. Work on feeling happy with the person you are before you’re ready to share that person with someone. [3] X Research source Of course, you don’t have to be 100% in love with yourself to be in a relationship, but you have to let your confidence come from within, not from another person, or you’ll only be disappointed in yourself when your next relationship is over.
Having another perspective on your relationship can help you see things you didn’t see before, even if you may not want to hear the truth. Talking to someone about your situation can also help you feel more confident about moving forward and less alone. You can consider therapy as well.
If you’ve really hurt your ex and feel like he won’t talk to you until you can show him how sorry you are first, then you may want to write him a meaningful letter if he refuses to listen to what you have to say. Though time can’t heal all wounds, it can certainly lessen the intensity of negative feelings. Though you may be impatient to get back with your ex, know that your chances of making it work will actually improve if you let enough time go by for him to forget or not care as much about some of his negative feelings towards you.
If you’re hanging out with your girlfriends and your ex is in the same room, try not to look his way or act like you care about what he thinks of you. Focus on enjoying your conversations and on having a great time without looking his way. Though you shouldn’t fake a laugh just to make him jealous, you should be open to cracking up and having a great time without him even if he’s watching. Even if you’re by yourself, try to perk up and look like you’re in a good mood when you walk by your ex. You don’t want him to think that you’re totally mopey without him.
While you shouldn’t use other guys who like you just to make your ex jealous, there’s no harm in flirting a bit if you make it clear it won’t really lead anywhere. Even if the guy you’re hanging out with is just a friend, there’s no harm in having fun with him and cracking up when the two of you are together.
At first, get comfortable hanging out with your ex in a group, and then see if spending time together solo, even if you’re just running a quick errand together, can be the best way to move forward. Read your ex’s body language when you start talking again. If he turns away from you, keeps his arms crossed over his chest, or refuses to make eye contact, then he may not be ready to start spending time together again.
If your main issue was communicating, then be frank and open when you talk to each other. If he thought you were too clingy, then make sure you give him space this time around. You can also work to remind him of the best parts of your relationship, whether it was how you could make each other laugh for hours or the fun conversations you two had over the phone.
If he seems genuinely excited to see you when you walk in the room If his face lights up when you spots you If he’s reluctant to end any conversations you’re having If he turns his body toward you when you talk, makes eye contact, and tries to break the touch barrier If he starts making excuses to hang out with you again If he gives you compliments If he starts texting you or checking in again If he makes fun of the other guys you’ve been hanging out with If he suggests you do some of the same things you did when you were dating
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The relationship doesn’t have to be perfect this time around, though you should approach it with optimism and the desire to really make things work. Begin by hanging out in low-pressure settings instead of going public in a big way. You don’t have to announce that you’re back together to everyone within earshot until you really feel confident about where the relationship is going.
Don’t do anything too intense at first. You don’t need your boyfriend to hang out with all of your friends, spend time with your family, or go away on a weekend trip with you. Focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship first. Make sure you both maintain your independence. Continue to hang out with your girlfriends and to pursue your interests; don’t try to hang out with your boyfriend 24/7. Don’t be too quick to share your intense feelings for your boyfriend. You don’t want to overwhelm him or make him feel like things are moving too fast.
If something is bothering you, make sure you address it instead of being passive aggressive Learn to read your boyfriend’s facial expressions and body language to find out whether something is wrong Practice listening to your boyfriend instead of interrupting him or waiting for your turn to speak Make sure you both know how to compromise instead of each of you just trying to get your way all the time Choose your words carefully so you don’t end up hurting your boyfriend when you just wanted to bring up something that has been bothering you
Have a frank and open discussion about what made your relationship end the first time. Be open to answering any questions from your boyfriend and make sure to be honest. If you’re still not completely sure about what went wrong, you should feel comfortable asking your boyfriend to talk about it. You don’t want to go into the relationship without knowing exactly where you stand. If you broke up because of your boyfriend’s personal issues, make sure he has a plan for addressing them.
If you feel like you’re not acting like yourself or even looking like yourself just to please your boyfriend, then you have a real problem on your hands. If you’re not sure about whether or not you’re being true to yourself, then you should ask one of your friends who has seen the two of you together. Your friend may be able to tell even better than you do whether or not you’re really acting like yourself in your relationship.
Focus on getting a fresh start. Put as much of the past behind you as you can and work on building a strong relationship in the now. Of course, if something really serious happened in your past together, then you don’t have to be in denial and pretend that it didn’t happen at all. You can address it when it’s necessary, but you can’t fixate on it. If you bring up the future too many times with your boyfriend, then he may get anxious or feel suffocated and may get the impression that you’re not happy with your relationship as it currently stands.
If your issue was not spending enough time together, for example, then make sure you don’t book up your social calendar and leave out your boyfriend this time around; if your issue was snapping at each other in public, make sure you both work on making each other feel better, not worse about yourselves when you’re out together. Though you don’t want to bring up the past all the time, you should both be on the same page about how to move forward and to avoid whatever it was that caused you to drift apart the first time around. You should be comfortable with checking each other and saying, “Hey, remember how much trouble we had with this the first time around? Let’s find a way to move past it…” Of course, nobody’s perfect, and it’s natural that you both may fall into old habits. If that does happen, though, then you should make sure you apologize and show that you really mean it.
Be honest with yourself. Do you feel like you’ve given it your all and it still isn’t working? If that’s the case, then you should be proud of yourself for making an effort and get ready to move on. Even if your relationship ends, don’t look at it as a waste of time or emotional effort. Every relationship helps you learn how to communicate with others and how to deal with problems, and no matter what happens, you’ll have more strength and knowledge going into your next relationship.
