Who your friends date is a choice for your friends to make, not you. However much you may dislike someone a friend chooses to date, in most cases, you shouldn’t interfere. So, think deeply about what is motivating you. Is it jealousy? If this is the case then you need to address this with yourself. This is not a good reason to encourage a breakup. Likewise, attraction you may feel toward him or his girlfriend is never a good reason to promote a breakup. Is it because you honestly believe this girlfriend is bad for your friend? There is such a thing as a bad relationship. If your friend’s girlfriend is engaging in behaviors such as dangerous drug use, cheating, treating your friend as an inferior, or verbally or physically abusing him, these might be reasons to get involved. [1] X Research source Simply not liking her attitude, personality, or style isn’t sufficient.
Consider what could happen if your friend does break up with his girlfriend because of your interference. Is your friend going to appreciate this meddling? Is the friendship going to withstand this revelation of yours that the two are unsuited?
That you have seen his girlfriend with another lover during the time your friend and she have been dating. Be sure you know what you saw and that she’s not just catching up with friends she’s very close to. You’ve had to listen to her put your friend down or treat him as lesser than her. You’ve seen her taking drugs and you know your friend doesn’t like this habit. Remember, she may need help, not ostracizing. Be compassionate. You’ve observed her abusing your friend, either emotionally or physically. Don’t force the conversation. It might be hard for your friend to talk about it. [2] X Research source Do your best to keep the conversation friendly. Since your friend may not recognize he’s in a bad relationship, being preachy might not work. [3] X Research source
This is not a good time to share your judgements about the girlfriend’s character, personality, or other traits. Your judgements will probably be unwelcome. Tell your friend how great he is, not how terrible you think his girlfriend is. [4] X Research source It is fine to express feelings of concern for your friend, and to let him know you are there for him in this difficult time. However, unless you have real concerns for his safety (the kind that would lead you to call the police), your intervention should stop here. [5] X Research source [6] X Research source
Encourage your friend to talk, and listen patiently. Be aware that he may experience sadness, anger, and a variety of other chaotically changing moods as he works through his feelings.
What your friend needs now is someone who will listen as he processes his feelings. He will probably be dealing with conflicting and difficult feelings about his ex, and your judgements may only make matters worse.
Take your friend to a movie, a play or concert. Go on a hike or camping trip. Go shopping. Play video games. Whatever your friend enjoys, take some time to do it with him. Discourage excessive use of drugs or alcohol during this time. These may temporarily dull the pain, but may make matters worse in the long run.
If your friend doesn’t seem to be healing or can’t find any joy in life, even after some time has passed, offer to help him find a therapist.
