When you talk to her, make eye contact, put your phone away, and don’t look around. Let her see that you’ve gotten rid of all of your distractions and that her happiness is a priority for you. [2] X Research source Keep it short and simple. You don’t need to go into a huge, elaborate explanation of why you did what you did unless you feel that it’s really necessary. What’s most important is that you make it clear how sorry you are. Say something like, “I am so sorry about what I did to you. I can’t tell you how much I regret it and how much I wish I hadn’t hurt you. You mean so much to me and I feel like such an idiot for putting all of that in jeopardy. ”
Make it clear that you’re the one who did something wrong and that her reaction was completely normal and understandable. If you’ve messed up and make it sound like she did something wrong, you won’t win your girlfriend over very fast.
She won’t forgive you if you’re holding back or clearly lying to her still. She’ll only get more angry and will feel even more hurt and upset with you. If you’re worried about your honesty not coming off the right way, practice what you’re going to say in advance so you don’t end up hurting her even more.
If you cheated on her, then you can say something like, “I am so sorry that I cheated on you. I’m definitely not going to flirt with other girls or even look at them. I know how important you are to me and I’m never going to do anything stupid like that again. I won’t go off the grid, and you can always call or text me to know what I’m doing so you don’t have to worry. ” Just remember that actions speak louder than words. Giving her your plan not to hurt her again will go a long way, but making sure to stick to your word is even more important. [3] X Expert Source Courtney QuinlanMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
You can say something like, “I’m so sorry I called you names. The next time I get so worked up, I’m going to step outside and take a breather or give myself a few minutes to speak. I’ll make sure I’ll think before I speak next time so I don’t end up saying something I don’t mean again. I’m even thinking about taking anger management classes if I can’t solve this on my own. ” If you tell her about your plan, make sure you’re willing to put it into action so she actually trusts you.
You can practice reflective listening. After she has spoken, you can say something like, “What I’m hearing is that…” or, “I see that you feel like…” to show her that you’ve really thought about it. Though you may be tempted to argue with her or to contradict her when she’s done talking, remember that you’re supposed to be apologizing here. You can certainly give her your perspective, but you don’t want to come off as aggressive or she’ll be even more angry.
Be specific. Don’t just tell her she’s the most amazing girl ever; refer to specific qualities that show you’re really paying attention to her. You don’t have to put on an act. If you really do care for her, then it should be pretty obvious to her as soon as you start apologizing.
Be patient with her. If she doesn’t want to hang out or even to talk for a while, you have to be respectful of that. While you may want to check in to see how she is from time to time, you don’t want to overwhelm her, or she’ll be even more upset. Tell her that you’ll be waiting and ready and that you hope to see each her again soon. Let her see how hurt you are and how much you want to see her again and to make it up to her.
This goes for being affectionate and intimate, too. Don’t try to smother her with hugs, touches, kisses, or attempt to hold her hand or put your arm around her every chance you get before she’s ready, or this will actually slow down the process further. Let her make the calls. If she’s up for going to a party together, then you can do it, but you shouldn’t make her go out in public with you if she’s not ready for it.
Don’t flake on her. If you weren’t able to do something you said you’d do, you better have a really good excuse. Be there whenever she wants to talk or needs some advice. Let her see that you want to go out of your way to hear her out and make her feel happy. Being dependable is important, but you have to make sure she doesn’t feel like she can walk all over you just because you messed up. You want to maintain your dignity.
If you’re out with your friends, let her know where you’ll be and what you’ll be up to. Though she doesn’t have to track your every move, you should generally try to be open about your plans so she doesn’t worry that you’ll hurt her again. If you’re apart for a few days, then give her a call and check in with her to show that she’s still on your mind.
You can be more helpful, kind, and loving than you normally are, but you shouldn’t completely forget yourself in the process. Make sure you still make time to pursue your own interests and don’t make your life all about making your girlfriend happy. You can get her flowers or chocolate if things are going really well, but if you give her too many gifts when she’s just not feeling it, then she’ll think you’re trying to buy her love back.
Okay, so it may be impossible to fully stop checking out other beautiful women, but you can try to minimize it as much as you can around your girlfriend, thinking about how much it will upset her. If you were out with your buddies and some girls you knew came out, you can let her know about it so she doesn’t find out from someone else.
Take the time to really enjoy your girlfriend’s company and to make her feel special. Focus less and less about making it up to her and more and more on enjoying your relationship again. If she had any unrelated complaints when you upset her, such as the fact that you’re always late to dates, make sure you acknowledge those as well.
You don’t have to smother her with affection, but you should never take her for granted. Don’t assume that she knows how much you care for her just because you’re hanging out together; let her see how much you care through your words and your affection. Write her sweet love notes or even hand her a full letter saying how much you care for her. Be thoughtful. If she’s mentioned a new book she wants to read, let her know that you listen to her by giving it to her.
It doesn’t have to be too elaborate. You can just learn to make pasta together, join a bowling league together, or discover a new director together. The most important thing is that you both keep your relationship feeling fresh. You don’t have to do too many new things at once. Making an effort to do at least one new thing every week or two while continuing to do some of the old things you love together will keep your relationship going strong.
An important part of communication is learning to compromise. Make sure you can both find a way to make each other happy when making a decision and that one person doesn’t always get his or her way all of the time. Work on reading your girlfriend’s expressions and body language. Know her love language and know what’s important to her. [5] X Expert Source Courtney QuinlanMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 27 August 2021. She may be upset without telling you, and there will be times when you have to ask her what’s wrong. She’ll appreciate the fact that you’re paying such close attention to her.
You should work on enjoying the relationship on its own terms instead of being fully focused on making it up to your girlfriend. Of course, if your girlfriend wants to talk about what happened, you shouldn’t avoid it, but you should also make an effort to have other things to talk about as well.
If you’re getting the sense that your girlfriend won’t ever be able to fully forgive you, then you should have an honest conversation with her about it. If this is the case, then the sooner you know, the better. If you have to end the relationship because of what you did, then the best thing you can do is view it as a learning experience and make sure not to make the same mistake again.
