If you see boys or men in girls’ clothes on TV or in a movie, point them out to your parents to ask about what they think. Or reference popular transgender women in the media like Laverne Cox or Caitlyn Jenner, especially if you also identify as trans and are thinking about discussing this with your parents.
Let your parents know that clothing is an important way to express yourself and feel confident in your own body. You can point out to your parents that dressing as a different gender than the one you were born as can have all kinds of positive effects, like being able to access a different side or yourself, understand and relate to others better, and even see things you’ve never noticed before, like your resemblance to a family member or features of your body that you love. [1] X Research source Perhaps you only want to dress in girls’ clothing for a certain occasion or event. Explain the need or desire to dress in girls’ clothing for a play, another performance, or a dance. You can point out that males have been dressing as females on stage for centuries![2] X Research source
Coming out as trans doesn’t have to be a big deal, and you can do it in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. Tell your parents, tell everybody, or tell just your closest friends for now and until you feel comfortable revealing it to more people. You may not identify as trans at all, and be perfectly happy with the body and traits of your life as a boy, but just want to dress in girls’ clothing, and that is perfectly normal and worth discussing with your parents. Maybe you feel you identify with being a boy at some times, and a girl at other times, or you don’t particularly feel like you fit into either gender! This is perfectly okay too, and you can discuss it with your parents in terms of genderqueer or gender-neutral if you wish.
Tell your parents that cross-dressing is more common and normal than they might believe. You can tell them that one conservative estimate says at least 2 to 5% of all adult males dress in female clothing. [3] X Research source Explain the unbalanced or unfair situation of girls and women being able to wear clothing that was once considered more traditionally masculine, like jeans, t-shirts, and blazers, and it is seen as normal. But when boys and men attempt to dress in more traditionally feminine clothing like dresses and skirts, it is viewed with much more negativity and seen as “weird” or “wrong. ” Your discussion about gender identity or cross-dressing doesn’t need to be a discussion about your sexual identity or preference for who you’re attracted to, and the two issues do not have anything to do with each other, despite many stereotypes. Calmly but firmly explain this difference to your parents.
Revealing information about your desires to dress as or identify with another gender can come as a shock, a surprise, or just something your parents wish you had told them sooner. You can explain that it’s not something you want to keep from them and that you just wanted to find the right way to bring it up and explain it.
You can say, “I really want your support on what I wear and how I feel about it. This is something that’s really important to me right now, and I want you to be involved. Will you help me buy the clothes I want to wear?” Ask your parents for advice they might have for telling friends, teachers, or other important people in your life and how to get their support and acceptance, too.
Find a compromise with your parents, like being able to wear girls’ clothes after school but not at school or church. Or decide on special occasions that you can wear female clothes for. Your parents may just need to get used to your new wardrobe in small amounts before they let you wear it all the time, so be patient and agree to let them set some limits at first.
Try asking for or buying boys’ jeans and tops in a slimmer and tighter fit for a more feminine look. Or add girls’ accessories or a few key clothing items to a typical boys’ outfit.
If they won’t go to the store with you, show them pictures of what you want to buy or the kind of outfit you might like to wear to get their approval beforehand. You might even ask a parent who identifies or dresses as female if you can borrow some of their clothes or get tips on dressing from them. Being more involved in your decision or transition may help them to become more accepting of it.
Come up with compromises for these things, too. Maybe your parents will allow you to wear just makeup and not girls’ clothes yet. Or you can agree with them on how much makeup you wear and when you can wear it.
Some parents may have strict religious views that prevent them from easily accepting or allowing cross-dressing. Try talking to someone of their faith who might be understanding of your situation, and have them talk to your parents. If your parents think you are too young to make this decision for yourself, think you don’t know what you want, or simply don’t want you cross-dressing under their roof, note that it is expected for you to abide by their wishes as long as you are under 18 and a dependent of your parents. Try to understand that it might be difficult for your parents to understand something they’ve never experienced or don’t know much about, but give them time to get used to the idea that you are the same person they know and love even if you dress in girls’ clothing or come out as trans.
If your parents are reluctant to accept what you’ve told them and won’t allow you to buy girls’ clothes, but don’t show signs of verbal or physical abuse or consequences if you disobey them, consider buying the clothes yourself and changing into them once you get to school, or other times when your parents aren’t around. If your parents show a lot of anger and hostility, strictly forbid you from buying girls’ clothes or living a certain lifestyle, and threaten serious consequences of verbal or physical abuse if you disobey them, do not go against them. Seek help from a friend, teacher, or other adult right away.
If you are trans and want to talk to another trans person who knows exactly what you’re going through and how to help, dial (877) 565-8860 from anywhere in the U. S. to reach the Trans Lifeline. [4] X Research source If you need help or have questions regarding cross-dressing and gender or sexual identity, call or chat online with a peer counselor at GLBT National Help Center. [5] X Research source
