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Asking about your partner’s day. Make time to sit down and chat with your partner at least once per day, such as during dinner or over your morning coffee. Say something like, “How was work?” or “Did you have a good time with your friends?” or “What do you have going on today?” Calling or texting during the day. Staying in touch throughout the day can also help to improve your communication. Try sending your partner a quick text or calling just to say hi. You might text your partner something like, “Thinking about you. What are you up to right now?” or call and say “Hey, how’s your day going so far?” Listening. Use good listening skills when your partner is talking to show that you are interested and engaged. For example, face your partner, make eye contact with your partner, nod your head, and make neutral statements to indicate your attention, such as “Yes,” “I see,” and “Go on. ”
For example, you can start a conversation about your sex life by saying something like, “I feel closer to you when we have sex on a regular basis, but we haven’t been doing that as much lately. Is everything okay?” Keep in mind that your partner might have had bad sexual experiences in the past with partners who were not as considerate or understanding. Be considerate and let her know she can tell you things without your judgment (if that is true of you).
There will be many, many opportunities to have sex in a relationship, so in the grand scheme of things it’s probably not all that big of a deal to have a bit less sex than you would ideally like.
For example, you could take a shower together after hitting the gym, light some candles and enjoy a glass of wine, give each other massages, or just lie in bed and talk for a while. Try not to push sex during this time. Just enjoy the intimacy with your partner and go with the flow. Remember that just because your partner is not in the mood for sex one night, that does not mean he or she will not be in the mood another night.
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Keep in mind that many women need direct stimulation to the clitoris to reach orgasm, so licking, touching, caressing, or using a vibrator on this area can greatly increase the chances that she will orgasm. If your partner is a man, ask him what works for him. This can help ease his performance anxiety issues and may turn him on, too. [9] X Research source Touch your partner all over and kiss in places other than the lips (but also kiss the lips). Use lubricant to avoid painful sex or chafing. Change things up, whether it is a different position or a different room, don’t always have sex exactly the same way. You can also look into topical products such as Zestra, which can may help to increase blood flow for women who suffer from female sexual arousal or interest disorders. Let your partner know that you find his or her body sexy. Sometimes people are self-conscious about the way they look, and this can turn them off from sex. Reassuring your partner that you find him or her attractive may make it easier for your partner to relax and get in the mood.
For example, you could dress up as someone that you know your partner finds sexy, such as a celebrity, a certain type of professional, or as a fictional character. [10] X Research source Another option is to pretend you are new (or secret) lovers and meet in a hotel room at a designated time. You can also wear sunglasses, dark clothes, and even wigs for some extra intrigue.
Be prepared to not react outwardly negatively to what she says. However, if you are not prepared to have sex with someone with an STD, you’ll need to be upfront about this. If you find out she has an STD and want to break-off the relationship, the key is to make it about you having a problem, and not her.
If you have been intimate before, but your partner seems no longer interested, think about problems you might be having on a non-physical basis. Do you fight a lot? Do you spend enough time together? Does your partner feel loved in your everyday interactions together? If any of these things might be lacking, work on them before trying to persuade your partner to have sex with you. If you have not yet had sex with your partner, make sure she feels comfortable around you and trusts you. Be considerate of her needs in a non-sexual way, i. e. make sure that she is enjoying the activities you choose for dates, and show interest in her daily life. Celebrate her successes and support her when she is having trouble with school, work, family issues, health problems, or just having a bad day.
Having a non-judgmental conversation where you carefully broach the subject of pornography and how it should, if at all, fit into your sex life together, can at the least mean that you shared an intimate, possibly difficult-to-have conversation, which may itself make you two feel closer and increase her desire for sex.
Back off from initiating for a while and see what happens. Maybe your partner will feel less pressure and will initiate sex with you. Focus on your other needs. Because your partner has been declining sex, you may be so focused on it that you are neglecting other important aspects of your life. Start doing things that are important to you such as hobbies, spending time with friends, and doing other things that you care about.
Was it great after you had both done something exciting together? Was it great after you both opened up emotionally, exposing your vulnerabilities to one another?
If you are a woman and your male partner is the one with a lower sex drive, it is possible that he has low testosterone, and/or is suffering from impotence or performance anxiety. Be clear that you love him no matter what but that he will be happier seeing a qualified professional who can help. If you are a man and your female partner is the one with a lower sex drive, a sex therapist can help you two identify how to get your sex drives more on par, or help you work through compromises that leaves both of you happier.
