Don’t just focus on what you need to improve. Think about your strengths too. Maybe you are withdrawn, but you’re also really good at observing people and understanding them. You may also want to identify any specific areas that contribute to your shyness. For example, do you feel shy at informal or formal events? Does the age or status of the person you are speaking to influence your shyness?
For example, if you know that you’re good at observing and understanding people, pay attention and hone this skill. Really start trying to empathize with people. This may make it easier to strike up a conversation with someone new.
Keep in mind that failure and self-consciousness are part of the learning process, so you are more likely to feel worse before you feel better.
Try to find similar interests by sharing information about yourself. You may be surprised to find that people have similar interests or dislikes as you. Steer clear of social media forums that focus on shyness because they tend to be a place where people ruminate on their shyness rather than seeking ways to overcome shyness.
Doing some form of aerobic exercise before a social event may also help to calm your nerves by burning of excess adrenaline.
For example, if you start to feel shy or nervous around someone new, look at it as a positive sign that you should meet someone new. [7] X Research source
If you’re having trouble coming up with a conversation starter, think of compliments you could give or questions you could ask. These will quickly get the other person talking.
Expect it to be awkward at first, but stick with it. Practice talking with people in the group every week. It will get easier and easier. One great organization for overcoming shyness and gaining confidence as a public speaker is toastmasters.
Showing mutual interest in another person’s life will also help spur a conversation on. With enough practice, a natural conversation will easily develop. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a conversation can be hard at first, but it will help you to create bonds with other people and it is a natural part of conversation. [11] X Research source
For example, you could learn visualization techniques. Close your eyes and imagine being happy and confident in an imaged scenario. This can actually make you more confident, or at least relieve some of your fear.
Accept feeling awkward. Remember that becoming confident will take practice. Don’t give up after one attempt at being bold. Repeated attempts will make it easier and easier to interact. [14] X Research source
Just spending time with a relative that’s lonely or sharing dinner with a friend who needs help can empower you and make others feel better. You can also show an interest in other people and ask them open ended questions to help take the pressure off of you during conversations. People usually love to talk about themselves, so this is a good conversation strategy and it will make them feel good about themselves.
For example, sit in a chair and place your hands behind your head, lacing your fingers. Or stand with your legs slightly apart and place your hands on your waist. These are a couple of power poses. [17] X Research source
Don’t force yourself to be comfortable and confident in every situation. You may find that you can overcome cautiousness in certain social settings and not others. For example, you may favor small-group interaction, but really hate interacting at large clubs or parties. [18] X Research source
For example, if you avoid social events due to shyness, cannot effectively perform at school or work, or if you feel extremely anxious as a result of your shyness, then you may want to see a therapist for help.
