For example, say, “It’s not appropriate to speak of people in that way. We do not talk like this. ” In some cases, it may even be appropriate to ignore the comment and not respond at all. However, this may not be a good strategy for someone who is suffering from a cognitive decline.
If you know your relative has a tendency to say inappropriate things during certain events or situations (like being in a large crowd or around young children), guide them away ahead of time to prevent the situation from unfolding. For example, if your relative is saying something racist while at the grocery store, direct them to a different aisle or exit the store.
Excuse yourself from the room and go somewhere else. You may wish to prepare a snack to help you get away and return later.
For example, if your relative has always valued privacy, they may not appreciate you saying things about their condition to strangers. However, if your relative has often valued humor and lighthearted joking, consider taking the statements in stride when out in public.
Say, “That’s enough, let’s look at photos of the grandchildren. ” You can also say, “Oh, I heard a funny joke yesterday. Would you like to hear it?”
You may want to offer a small treat to help them feel safe and to enjoy something. This can include toffee or some small candy that your loved one enjoys. You can even incorporate their sense of smell, such as by placing some essential oils in an oil infuser. Try using a calming scent like lavender or rose oil. Colors and lighting can also be calming as well. Try using soft colors and dim lighting to create a calm atmosphere in the person’s room.
Say, “We’re going on a walk now, would you like to join?” You can also say, “Let’s put the dishes away. ” If in private, place a soft object in their hand that they can throw without hurting someone. Often, people will divert their focus onto the object and away from their words. Consider using a small stuffed animal or a soft ball. If in public, talk about something your relative enjoys discussing. Say, “I’d like to bake a dessert when we get home. What should we bake?”
Let the physician know that your relative’s behavior has changed and how it has changed. Note how long the behaviors have existed and if they appear to be linked to any changes regarding their health. Often, changes to personality and behavior can be an indication of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. [4] X Research source Look for other indicators such as memory loss, decline in the ability to solve problems, confusion with time or locations, and changes in personality or mood. [5] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Changes in their body language. For example, the person may change their posture, their gestures, the physical distance between themselves and people they are talking with, their facial expressions, or tone of voice. Watch for any significant changes in the person’s body language. Environmental factors. Consider whether they are different in one environment or around certain people. Does removing them from the environment help? Does incorporating soothing scents, sounds, or colors help? Not getting basic needs met. Consider whether their basic needs are being met. Are they cold, hot, hungry, thirsty, or in pain? Changes in communication/behavior after a medical diagnosis. If this person has dementia or Alzheimer’s, consider whether they were able to express certain things to you before, but they are not able to do so now. How did they behave before? What was their behavioral baseline before you noticed this change? Did anything help them or make matters worse?
A therapist can work with you and your family to help find strategies to cope more effectively.
Especially if the behavior is new and out of character for your relative, do your best to say to yourself, “These words are hurtful, but do not reflect how my relative feels about me. ”
If talking gets you nowhere, decrease the activities you do for them. This can send the message of “treat me nicely and with kindness and I will continue to graciously help you. ”
