Not celebrating your successes while celebrating your siblings. Frequently agreeing with your siblings while disagreeing with you. Not inviting you to things where your siblings are invited. Paying special attention to your sibling over you.
“I’m sure you guys don’t do this on purpose, but it feels like you’re prouder of Mike and his job than you are of me, and it’s really been bothering me lately. ” “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it feels like you never ask me to come over while you invite Sarah and Dan over every week. I don’t feel included. ”
If you’ve got a bit of a competitive rivalry with your siblings due to years of favoritism, feel free to skip this one. It’s common for children of parents who play favorites to grow up fighting with one another for attention. Reach out to your sibling and say, “Hey, Mom has been kind of making me feel bad lately with all the shade she’s been throwing me. I’m not crazy right? Any way you could help me out next time?”
Explain the boundary. “You always talk down to me in front of others. Stop telling me what I should be spending my time doing. ” Provide the consequence. “If you don’t stop criticizing the way I spend my time, I’m not going to come over anymore. ” Do not negotiate. “It’s not up for discussion. I’m an adult now, and I’m in charge of what I do in my spare time. ” Enforce the boundary. If your parents cross the line again, actually enforce the boundary. If you don’t, it will be extremely difficult to set boundaries in the future.
“Hey, that’s really not kind. ” “It doesn’t make me feel good when you speak down to me like that. ” “I’m hurt that you would say something that cruel. ”
Having a neutral third party can also make it easier to settle any underlying conflict that’s driving your parent’s behaviors.
If it’s too painful to spend time around your parents when your siblings are around, don’t. There are no rules that say you’re obligated to show up anywhere as an adult.
It’s common for kids who grow up with parents who play favorites to become really competitive with their siblings as adults. Try to not view your siblings as opponents and cultivate your relationships with them.
If you go to your parents first to celebrate good news, they’re likely to let you down. That can ruin your entire mood and feeling of self-worth going forward.
There’s no shame in getting professional support. If you want to find a qualified therapist or counselor, go to BetterHelp and search for help near you.
For instance, you might be able to tolerate a sibling’s petty behavior, but draw the line at verbal abuse. [12] X Research source You may also elect to take the lead on planning situations in which you will see these family members so that you can better control your comfort level by accounting for things like location, time, who will be there, length of the visit, etc.
