When you embrace vulnerability, you’ll discover what matters to you. For example, say, “It makes sense that I’m bummed the book deal fell through. Creativity and storytelling means a lot to me. ” Make time to enjoy yourself, too. Even though you might not feel like your best self, part of grieving can involve vegging out and watching your favorite show.
If you just want to let off some steam, make a comment like, “I just need a shoulder to cry on. I really liked that guy! I thought our dates were a blast, too. ” When you’re interested in fixes, ask a question like, “How do you think I can find a better match? Is there a different app I should use or a way I should write my profile?” Steer clear of posting about a rejection online. Who knows—you might land a fab job or attract a possible SO with your social media, so you want to look upbeat.
For example, make a resolution to grieve over a job you didn’t get for just 1 day. That way, you can look for work right away. You may even land a good job sooner than you think.
Just tell yourself—people just turn down what doesn’t work for them, like mismatched schedules or visions. Respect that most people reject situations that don’t work for them and don’t mean to put down people. If someone only knew you for a short period of time, like a few dates, remind yourself that they just didn’t get to know you at a deep level—someone else will, though. Practice positive reframing. For example, instead of saying, “She thinks I’m worthless,” tell yourself, “Another person will see how spectacular I am!”
A great way to shift your focus from rejection is to find a different way to empower yourself. For example, if you want to get your mind off that resume, spend the weekend kickboxing because it always recharges you.
Be brief but polite in professional situations—“Thank you for your time and consideration. ” Remain upbeat but straightforward after a date—“I understand. I know you’ll find what you’re looking for! Thanks for letting me know. ” Stay warm with a close friend— “I totally get that the rehearsal dinner is a small gathering. Maybe we can catch up next week!”
For example, if you interviewed for a job as a designer for a sci-fi video game but were rejected, you might get a callback for a fantasy title that’s more your style. Another fun “what-if” scenario—a romantic interest that fell through might introduce you to a friend who’s just perfect for you.
Try to mix things up instead of going right back to whatever got rejected. For example, if you sent off a novel manuscript that got rejected, then try your hand at a different piece, like an anthology of poetry. Celebrate one small rejection as a gateway to a whole world of adventures. Now, you can go out dancing, buy that new book that you really wanted, or take the weekend and go to the beach with a friend. Find a way to unwind after a rejection. Some people turn to their faith, others to a hot bath and meditation. Clear your mind, release negative emotions, and restore your inner balance.
One of the best ones to use is “it didn’t work out” because it removes the blame from them and from you. For example, if you ask someone out and they say no, re-frame the thought, “They rejected me,” by pointing out to yourself, “They rejected the idea of going on a date. ” If you aren’t hearing back from a friend, you can always re-frame by telling yourself, “We just grew apart. It happens!” If you didn’t get that job you had your eye on, just re-frame and shake it off with a comment like, “We had different priorities—onto greener pastures!”
If one person didn’t end up being the right match for you, keep up your faith that you’ll find love again. If your manuscript gets rejected by one publisher, shop a new story around by reaching out to other publishers or agents. Basically, for any situation, remember that a rejection is just a stepping stone to the best case scenario for you.
If you can, ask for feedback from anyone who turned you down. For example, maybe your resume didn’t mention some key skills the employer was asking for. Apply whatever you learned the next time you make a resume so you can really shine and get your dream job. If you were romantically interested in someone, ask why they didn’t think you two were compatible. For example, maybe your goals for the future were really different. In that case, you can seek out someone with similar ambitions.
If you find yourself really and truly unable to let go of the rejection, it is a good idea to seek professional help. Sometimes thought patterns (i. e. , “I’m not good enough,”) become a negative feedback loop. A good professional can help you break this pattern and build your self-esteem.
Rejection can also affect your self-esteem, impact your mood, and cause you to believe you don’t “fit in” with others. It’s natural if you criticize yourself after being rejected, but this habit worsens your self-image. Even though your brain might initially react negatively to rejection, if you train yourself to build a positive thinking mindset, you can soothe hurt feelings and strengthen your self-esteem.
Find people who love you unconditionally so that you never doubt where you stand with them. Meet new people to connect with folks who embrace what you find important, from volunteering to video games. Search for jobs until you’ve found the perfect match in a company that celebrates the skills you have to offer. Love yourself and celebrate everything that makes you uniquely you—you’ll definitely find “your” people and opportunities that are a great fit.
If someone asks you on a date and you don’t want to go with them, you can tell them in a straightforward manner that you’re not available. Say something like, “I really appreciate you, but I’m not romantically interested in you. ” If your friend really wants to go on a trip and you’re not up for it or can’t afford it, let them know ASAP with a remark like, “Hey, it’s just not in my budget and I’m feeling like a staycation. I hope you have fun though! Take lots of pictures!”
If you’ve already turned down a date but someone keeps trying to get your attention, say something like, “I feel confident about what I’ve said. I know you’ll find someone great, but I really need to focus on doing my own thing. ” When you don’t want to pursue dating but still enjoy someone’s company, suggest keeping your friendship—“I’d still love to stay in touch and hang out. I think you’re fun to be around. ” If you’re interested in an idea, but you’re just not ready right now, then say where you’re at—”Thanks for thinking of me! I’d love to go on a girl’s trip to Napa eventually! I’ve got a ton of finals this month, though. ”
If someone wants to date you but you aren’t interested, guide them toward a better match. For instance, say, “I’m not ready for a long-term commitment. I bet if you write that you want to settle down with someone in the next 5 years, the right person will come along!” If you’re rejecting a person’s work, like a poem for your magazine, explain what didn’t match your publication’s style—like their theme, structure, or use of clichés. They might be able to adjust their approach to match your needs or find a platform that embraces their unique voice. The more quickly you gently turn someone down, the faster they’ll be able to overcome rejection and focus on self-growth.
