A “deep” person may be very curious, thoughtful, open-minded and show excitement when discussing topics that go beyond the surface. One way to find a group of people who like in-depth discussions may be to search for a Meetup in your area for that purpose.
Bad times to engage in a deep conversation may be when running late for an event, when someone is angry or upset, in a noisy or crowded place or when it’s close to bedtime. Ultimately, it will depend on you and your conversation partner.
Ways to engage in small talk might be to ask an easy, straight-forward question or to give the other person a compliment. For example, you might say “Oh, I really like your handbag. It’s so colorful,” and see how the other person responds.
Paying attention – Turn towards the other speaker. Clear your mind and environment of any distractions. Make occasional eye contact. Demonstrating that you’re engaged – Nod your head when you agree. Respond by smiling or laughing as appropriate. Maintain open body language with your legs and arms uncrossed and relaxed at your sides. Offering feedback – Paraphrase what was said like “It sounds like you’re saying…” and ask clarifying questions like “Is this what you mean?” Avoiding judgment – Refrain from interrupting the speaker to argue with a point. Allow the person to completely finish talking before saying anything. Responding – Share your own opinions while still showing respect to the speaker. Aim to be open and honest.
For example, you may talk to someone every day with a simple “Hi, how are you?” Yet, you may find you know more about someone else whom you only talk to once a week. It all depends on the quality of the conversation.
Aim for open-ended questions which allow for broad answers along a range of topics. [5] X Research source These sorts of questions can lead anywhere. Ask open-ended questions as follow-up to close-ended questions like “What’s your favorite color/food/season? Why?” Or, you can ask such a question to learn more about another person, such as “What are doing over summer break?”
You can ask a questions as simple as “What are you most passionate about?” When the person responds, be sure that you demonstrate excitement and interest in the subject to keep him or her talking.
For example, you might say “What makes you most fulfilled?” and the person responds “My family. ” You can then follow-up and say “Tell me about them”. This can lead to an in-depth and rewarding discussion.
You might ask “What do you think makes you special?” or “What’s something about you that people don’t often know?”
Anticipate that, sometimes, people will be uninterested in your conversation starters. Sometimes, they won’t. If you come across someone who is lackluster, simply move along to the next best candidate. [9] X Research source Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Keep in mind that you should use discretion when sharing personal stories. For example, you might not feel bothered about sharing the story of your adoption with a casual acquaintance, but you may not want to discuss a romantic relationship. Share what you feel comfortable sharing and make sure that your disclosure is appropriate for the level of relationship you have with the other person.
Don’t be afraid to disagree, as long as you’re not doing it offensively. The conversation can grow deeper when you have varying opinions that you are able to share respectfully and without trying to make the other person agree with your perspective. [12] X Research source
