A healthy relationship is one where both partners communicate, share their feelings, and respect one another without power imbalance. However, your partner should never pressure you to be vulnerable when you’re not ready, or push you to share every little thought. Gratitude is also important. Make a daily habit of showing appreciation for your partner! Compliment their strengths and thank them when they do something for you.
There’s a difference between honesty and criticism. Avoid criticizing your partner—both to their face and to others. Phrase your words constructively and be respectful at all times. If something is bothering you, express it gently but assertively. For example, you could say, “I love you very much, but sometimes, I feel frustrated when I come home to a dirty house. Can we come up with a solution?” Ask your partner open-ended questions to allow them to express themselves freely too. You’ll facilitate meaningful communication by asking questions that require a thoughtful answer!
Affirm that you’re listening by making a small, reassuring noise like “Mhmm” or saying, “Go on. " Show your partner that you understand them by mirroring their words back to them. For example, if they tell you about a conflict at work, you could say, “It sounds like work is really frustrating for you right now. " Read your partner’s body language to figure out how they’re feeling. Focus on making them feel better if they seem grumpy or tired!
Boundaries could be personal, social, financial, or sexual. For example, you might explain to your partner that you value quality time with them, but you need at least 1 night a week to spend with friends. In a healthy relationship, neither partner should try to control the other. Respect your partner’s boundaries and ensure they do the same for you. Don’t be afraid to raise your standards for a relationship! Know what you want in the relationship, and don’t settle for someone sub-par. You deserve a partner who will respect you and your needs.
Common boundaries include understanding your partner’s expectations and limits on intimacy, public displays of affection, and confidentiality.
For example, some see physical cheating as a breach of trust but not emotional cheating, whereas others believe that emotional cheating is as bad as physical cheating. Clarify your outlook with your partner early on. Openness and honesty are also vital for building trust—which is another reason you and your partner should practice them with one another.
Date nights can be anything you find fun (and romantic). For example, you could do karaoke, go bowling, revisit a favorite restaurant, or take a hike together. Life gets busy sometimes, especially if work or kids are involved. If weekly date nights aren’t feasible for the moment, plan monthly dates instead. Try doing chores and household tasks together, too. This shouldn’t replace dates or leisure activities, but it’s a good way to spend quality time with your partner while ensuring that you share responsibilities.
For example, if you’ve both talked about how fun it’d be to learn archery, sign you and your partner up for lessons! If you’ve been talking about your next vacation, suggest a place neither of you has been before. Not every surprise has to be a grand, expensive gesture. It could be as simple as cooking your partner’s favorite meal, buying their favorite treat after work, or offering them a romantic massage.
When discussing sex, discuss your preferences, expectations, desires, and limits. Once you and your partner understand each other’s needs, it’s easier to have a satisfying sex life. Healthy relationships are all about feeling close to your partner, both emotionally and physically. If you feel like there’s distance between you, there’s still time to rekindle that spark!
Ask your partner open-ended questions to get their perspective on the issue. Say, “What would be an ideal solution for you?” or “How do you think this would be best handled?” An “I” statement would be, “I feel upset when you’re late for our date night,” rather than saying, “You’re always late!” Maintain a calm demeanor during the argument. Take deep breaths, slow down your speech so you have time to think, and don’t be afraid to ask for a temporary break so you can cool off. Burying conflicts is never healthy; you might avoid an argument, but the source of your troubles goes unresolved. Work with your partner to address conflict rather than letting it lie.
It’s important to forgive your partner if they apologize, just as you’d want them to forgive you. Acknowledge your negative feelings and then release them as you forgive your partner. Let go of grudges; holding onto them only worsens a problem. If your partner did something months ago, forgive them for it and move on. Don’t use what they did in the past against them. Learn to appreciate your differences. Those differences make the relationship dynamic and interesting; you don’t need to agree on everything, so long as you understand one another.
Remember that ups and downs in a relationship are only natural. Don’t blame your partner for your problems; work together as a team to overcome them. Don’t be afraid to get help together if changes in your relationship are too overwhelming to handle alone. You could consult a trusted confidante or a couples’ therapist.
If you struggle with appreciating yourself, try listing all your positive attributes. What do you do well? What are your greatest skills? If your friends described you, what would they say is your best quality?
