Avoiding fears actually makes them stronger and scarier. There’s a certain mindset in Western culture that views emotions as weakness and seeks to suppress them. But suppressing negative emotions only heightens the fear of the negative emotion itself, strengthening them the more they are avoided. [3] X Research source Exposing yourself to things that you fear (while being sure to stay safe and be smart about it) can help the brain become desensitized to the fear and make it easier for you to face. [4] X Research source
Reinforce your successes by giving yourself a reward when you do deal with your fear. This could be a physical treat, like a nice bottle of wine, or a mental treat, like taking a break from human interaction and binge-watching a show on Netflix.
Meditation is one way to help improve your mindfulness. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. You can meditate on the bus, at an airport, or any busy place, but it is best to start by learning in a quiet place with few distractions. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing (thinking “in” when you breathe in and “out” when you breathe out can help with that focus. ). Do this for twenty minutes. Be aware of the moment and of your sensations. If you do find yourself becoming distracted with other thoughts, direct your attention back to your breathing. When you do find yourself overwhelmed by fear, using the practices learned from meditation and mindfulness can help you overcome. Focus on your breathing and take deep breaths. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, but label them as emotions you are having (for example: if you are thinking, “I am afraid,” rephrase it as, “I am having a thought that I am afraid. “). It’s a subtle distinction, but one that helps you not to be ruled by your thoughts. Visualizing your mind as the sky and your emotions, both positive and negative, as clouds passing across the surface of the sky can help you see them as being a part of you, but not dictating your life.
Start small. Start with the actions that induce less fear and require less courage to accomplish. So, send a friend request on Facebook to that girl you like, or have a small conversation with the person behind the register before moving on to asking someone out. [7] X Research source Know your limits. There are certain things that we just cannot do. Maybe you absolutely can’t pick up that spider, come out to your homophobic boss, or go skydiving. That’s okay. Sometimes these are fears or limitations that can be worked up to and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes it is highly adaptive not to be courageous; it may not make sense to do something you can’t get yourself to do. Focus on building your courage for other things, like putting a glass over the spider so someone else can take care of it, or coming out to your parents instead of your homophobic boss.
Fake it until you make it. You can trick your mind into confidence by pretending that you are confident. Tell yourself you can ask that girl you like on a date and, whatever she says, you won’t care much. You can also expand your posture and actually feel more confident and powerful. [9] X Research source Open up your arms or place them behind your head, and push out your chest. Don’t let your failures or limitations dictate who you are. Failure simply means that you are trying; it is something to learn from, not to avoid. Make sure to remind yourself that your failures do not define you unless you let them. Have faith in yourself. Courage involves trusting yourself and believing in yourself. Tell yourself that you have something to offer. Remember arrogance and confidence are different. [10] X Research source
For example, it takes a certain kind of courage to follow your intuition when making big decisions. [12] X Expert Source Adrian Klaphaak, CPCCLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
Remember, if she says no, it isn’t a reflection on you or your desirability. Be respectful of her decision and be proud of yourself for being courageous!
Ask to speak to her privately and plan out what you’re going to say ahead of time. It’s okay to feel nervous, don’t fight it. Make sure to breathe normally and speak with conviction. If the conversation backfires, step back and re-assess. If you think about it and feel that you were in the right, consider getting your human resources department involved. Alternatively, sometimes the better thing to do is change jobs; some people are very stubborn and choosing not to fight every battle doesn’t mean that you lack courage.
If the bullying gets work in the aftermath of your confrontation, get help from a teacher or parent. Knowing when to get outside help is courageous in itself. It shows that you are being honest with yourself about the reality of the situation.
Heights Snakes and/or spiders Crowds Public speaking Water Storms Closed spaces
You can acknowledge your fear by writing it down or saying it out loud. You can assess the degree to which you are afraid by writing down on a scale from 0 (not at all afraid) to 100 (very afraid), just how scared you are of the thing in question.
For example, if you are afraid of leaving the house, you might start by putting on your shoes as if you were going to go outside, but not actually go outside. Next, you might open the door and take two steps outside, and then four steps, and then eight steps, and then walk down the block and back home.
In this method, if you were afraid of going outside, you would go out down the block on your first try. You would then try to think about how it actually isn’t that bad to be away from home. You would then repeat this process until you were completely unafraid of going outside. The idea is to show you that there is no need to fear what you do; as such, this method is best used for irrational fears.
Visualize the thing that makes you positive. Try to imagine it with multiple senses to make it more real. For example, if you are thinking about your dog, think about how your dog smells, how she feels when you pet her, how she looks, and how she sounds.
There are also websites that you can use, if you need to talk anonymously. [19] X Research source It may be time to talk to someone if you find that your fear is interfering with your life in a way that you want to change.
