There are many resources available for learning about attachment theory. Web articles are easy to find and accessible to non-experts. Once you know the basics, journal articles and books can provide a deeper look at attachment theory. Some books on attachment theory include When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting With RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder by Nancy L. Thomas, Stand Alone by P. D. Workman, and Detachment: An Adoption Memoir by Maurice Mierau. [2] X Research source
Abuse or neglect can cause attachment disorder, but so can parental depression, illness, or emotional unavailability; changes in caretakers, including adoption and foster care situations; or the hospitalization of the child. [3] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing and improving psychiatric care for children and adolescents. Go to source Attachment disorder isn’t always the result of bad parenting. Sometimes the circumstances that cause attachment disorder are unavoidable. However, if the child is too young to understand what is happening, he or she may perceive the event as abandonment. Be aware that attachment issues usually start in infancy. If the caregiver does not provide an infant with comfort when they are distressed, then they may develop attachment issues. These issues can vary depending on the way that the caregiver responds to the child. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Secure attachment is when the child’s caregiver is caring, sensitive, and responsive. This enables the child to feel secure in their relationship with the caregiver and use this experience to for healthy relationships outside of their relationship with the caregiver. Avoidant attachment is when the caregiver responds negatively to the child’s emotions or ignores them. This causes the child to avoid the caregiver when they feel distressed. Reactive attachment is when the caregiver responds to the child in inconsistent ways, so the child will act out or amplify their emotions to get the caregiver to pay attention. Disorganized attachment is when the caregiver is frightening, frightened, rejecting or unpredictable. This causes the child to fear the caregiver and feel anxious about approaching them for comfort. The child may also develop controlling behaviors to help them cope with their feelings.
Your child’s pediatrician can refer you to a psychiatrist who can evaluate the child and confirm whether they have attachment disorder. A mental health professional can also provide guidance for a personalized recovery plan after observing the child directly. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source The presence of another disorder or condition shouldn’t rule out attachment disorders. For example, it’s possible for a child to be autistic and have an attachment disorder at the same time.
For children with attachment disorder, life may seem unstable and scary, so by providing them structure, you also give them a comforting sense of regularity and stability. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Make sure your child is getting plenty of sleep, exercise, and healthy foods. These healthy habits can help to improve your child’s mood and behavior. They may also find it easier to cope with challenging situations. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Make it clear that these behaviors are not OK with you, and set fair but firm boundaries on what kind of conduct you expect from the child. A well-defined set of rules and consequences will give the child a much-needed sense of stability in their life and help them overcome these negative behaviors. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Many children with attachment disorder are not as mature as expected for their age. They may respond well emotionally to communication styles suited for younger children. For instance, when a child is upset, holding and rocking them might be a better strategy than talking though the problem. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Some children with reactive attachment disorder do not respond well to praise because they perceive it as a reinforcement of a power dynamic that puts them at a disadvantage. If this is the case with your child, instead of praising them, shift your focus to appreciation of their positive behaviors.
When parents are present at every therapy session, they can make sure the therapist receives an accurate picture of what is going on. Family therapy is also beneficial because it involves the parents in recovery. Family therapy sessions can educate parents about what caused their child’s behavior and what they can do to help their child form healthy attachments.
Encourage them to express themselves freely, ask questions when you don’t understand something they say, and validate their emotions. This will help your partner trust you. Say things like “I want to know how you are feeling right now?” or “You seem upset…Talk to me about that. ”
Setting personal boundaries shouldn’t mean that you and your partner never work to grow beyond your current emotional state. To maintain a healthy relationship, the person with attachment disorder will have to face their issues and learn to trust others at some point. However, don’t try to force your partner into this – they must be ready and willing to work on the issue themselves. [14] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
If you attend couples therapy with your partner, a therapist can help you identify negative patterns in your behavior with each other and find ways to avoid repeating those patterns. [15] X Research source
