Wake up. Use bathroom. Wash hands. Wash face. Come downstairs Get in chair. Eat breakfast. Put plate in sink when done eating. Watch X educational, child oriented TV program.
Cleaning a room is necessary. Changing the order of items on the bureau is not. Change increases anxiety and fear that the order of things is falling apart. When changes are necessary, involve your child in the process so it is not a complete surprise. If you move furniture, for example, try to engage your child in the process, or at least allow them to observe and be aware of the changes. Explaining the reason for the change will help them understand why this is happening and make it less scary. When changes occur in things like clothing or food, trying to find similar items will be less frightening for your child. Some autistic people cannot handle rough textures, and best tolerate untreated/soft cotton. Exchange (or add) cotton for or to cotton items. Keep colors in the same family.
Children are often overwhelmed by fluorescent lighting, as it strobes. Non-autistic people often cannot see this, but many autistic people can. If you see that your child looks distressed or that the lights are flickering, ask if the lights are being bothersome.
Buffer ‘rebound’ noise, or loud sounds in general by putting tapestries on walls, using soft fabrics on furniture that has some texture, adding room dividing decorative elements etc. Be careful about competing sounds. The television will get turned up if people are speaking, which will cause people to speak louder and so forth. The more competing sounds, the more likely your child is to hear a loud mush of unintelligible sound only and become overwhelmed.
Don’t let siblings and other family members bother your child when they need quiet. This could lead to an outburst. If they were in the middle of something, such as eating or doing homework, let them come back to it once they are calmer. Or, they may be able to do it in the quiet location, such as a teenager eating in her bedroom.
Set boundaries and explain why the boundary is set. For example, “It is not okay to play with the power outlets, because you could get hurt. " If your child isn’t likely to be cautious, it may be better to move fish tanks out of reach. Offer to explore the fishtank or heater together, explaining it as best as you can. This allows you to monitor your child’s safety while sating your child’s curiosity. If age-appropriate, show your child the wonders of the internet and all its diagrams. Also check the library for picture books with diagrams.
Stimming helps prevent meltdowns, increases self-control, and enables better focus. [5] X Research source Be wary of therapists who wish to end stimming, as this may harm your child. [6] X Research source If your child stims in a harmful way, talk to a therapist about finding a substitute stim that fulfills the same need. You can also reach out to autistic people through #AskAnAutistic, as they may have had the same stim, and could offer advice on finding a good replacement. For example, a girl who bites herself when stressed could bite a chewy bracelet instead.
Relating new information to the child’s passions may help the child be interested and engaged in learning. For example, if your child struggles with social skills and loves dinosaurs, she may enjoy books about dinosaur friends.
Meltdowns may be characterized by screaming, crying, throwing oneself on the floor, etc. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are caused by a build-up of stress, and the child feels a loss of control. [8] X Research source Autistic people often feel bad about melting down afterwards. [9] X Research source Shutdowns are characterized by withdrawal, distress, passivity, and loss of interest or ability to communicate. Occupational therapists can increase your child’s tolerance to stimuli through sensory integration therapy. Help your child calm down by learning what sensory profile they respond best to. For instance, some kids might respond to the deep pressure of a weighted blanket. Others might calm down from jumping, and could benefit from access to a trampoline. [10] X Expert Source Hilya Tehrani, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
Self-injurious stimming may signal a health issue. For example, a child might head-bang when they have tooth pain. [11] X Research source
Some autistic children have the ability to speak, but do not understand the need to do so. Keep your child informed, while also increasing language exposure and teaching simply by talking with your child as you go about your day. Speak as if you expect your child to answer (either verbally or nonverbally). All too often, parents talk about their child without talking with their child. This only increases the sense of not being a part of things for your child. For young children, speak in clear and concrete language. Speak avoiding slang and expressions (it is raining cats and dogs), but do not talk down to your child, because (s)he can tell the difference. For older children, talk normally and respectfully, making it clear that you will be polite if your child is confused by a figure of speech or needs you to repeat something.
Watch for nonverbal responses. For example, if you ask “Did you have fun at preschool?” and your child flaps their hands and shrieks happily, then this is their answer. Continue maintaining a dialogue. Don’t pressure your child to speak. Some autistic people are incapable of speaking, or they find it difficult and stressful. Allow your child to communicate through gestures, sign language, or by pointing to a picture board.
Obviously, if your child says “no” to bedtime or their car seat, you don’t need to follow it. But you can slow down and explain why it is important. This lets them know that even though you won’t always do what they want, the word “no” has meaning. If you ignore a child’s attempts to say no or set boundaries (e. g. “I don’t like kisses”), they may learn that “no” isn’t important. If no one listens to them, they learn that listening is optional, so they won’t listen to you.
For example, “It is not okay to hit people because hitting hurts them. Instead of hitting, please talk to them, take time to cool off, or ask an adult for help if you don’t know what to do. "
Avoid therapies that involve forced normalization, compliance, or too many hours per week. Your child should be able to set boundaries, be themselves, and have time to enjoy childhood.
Make goals based on building upon where your child already is, not where the developmental timelines say they “should” be. This might mean getting chapter books for your six-year-old, or teaching your fourteen-year-old to type.
Frame it in terms of strengths as well as needs. For example, “Autism is why loud noises bother you and transitions are hard. It’s also why you know so much about dogs, and love nature so much. It has hard parts and fun parts. "
The hashtag #ActuallyAutistic is for autistic people to write things (which non-autistics may read), and the hashtag #AskAnAutistic is where anyone can post questions for autistic people to answer. Watching them can also give you an idea of what your child may look like as an adult.
Bad therapies exist. Therapy should not be grueling or painful work. If it often results in tears and frustration, you have a right to be concerned. If a therapist is making you uncomfortable, tells you not to trust yourself, or bars you from seeing the therapy, this is not okay. If you feel concerned about your child being upset in therapy, this is valid. Your instincts matter, and a therapist should respect them. It is okay to decline a certain type of therapy, or to decide to see a different therapist.
