Speak to the narcissist only when absolutely necessary and keep the subject of your communications strictly related to parenting. [1] X Research source
This goes beyond direct communication to family, friends, and the larger community. Avoid talking negatively about the other parent to loved ones or acquaintances who might inadvertently spread the message back to your child. Only discuss the woes of your relationship with your most trusted friends and family—far away from the listening ears of your child.
Set firm guidelines about the behavior you expect in your home, and discipline or reward accordingly. If you say you will do something, follow through. Help them learn a sense of responsibility in terms of their conduct, academics, chores, etc. Teach them to share, take turns, and cope with unexpected change so that they understand the world does not revolve around them. This is especially important if your child spends a lot of time around the narcissistic parent. Reinforce positive rules and values so that they develop into stable, law-abiding citizens in society. [3] X Research source
Practice active listening by letting them finish talking before sharing a response. Make eye contact. Talk to your child at an age-appropriate level. Avoid labels like “bad” or “disrespectful. ” Instead speak in terms of feelings like, “I feel disappointed because you didn’t turn in your school project. ” Avoid criticizing your child. Instead, explain your views and actions to them rationally. Be clear and direct with your child rather than hiding behind an agenda or manipulating them. As much as possible, answer your child’s questions honestly.
Instead of trying to protect your child from their emotions, simply strive to counteract any damage with structure, boundaries, and unconditional love. However, you do want to ensure that your child is not in any danger while under the supervision of the narcissist. Signs of child abuse or neglect may include:[5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Having unexplained injuries or bruises Wearing inappropriate clothing to cover up bruises Shying away from the abuser’s touch; flinching after sudden movements Being on alert Having poor hygiene Lacking any sort of bond with abuser Missing school or important engagements
All children tend to follow the styles or mannerisms of their peers. This can be healthy in terms of finding out their likes and dislikes. However, give your child permission to explore their own ways of acting or thinking by letting them choose hobbies and clothes that suit their interests. Let them know that it’s okay to be different. [7] X Research source
Ensure that your child receives positive praise and affection that is not dependent on behavior or accomplishments. Tell your child “You’re so smart” or “You’re such a good friend” to remind them of their good traits. Be sure to offer genuine praise when they do something good. This can help to counteract the negative influence they may be getting from the narcissistic parent. Furthermore, tailor language so that children don’t think they’re better than others. Say, “You’re special to me” rather than “You’re the most special girl in the world. ”
Sign your child up for an interesting club or organization. Encourage them to try out a new sport or creative pursuit. Learn a new language or skill together to further develop your bond. [10] X Research source
Mistakes and failure offer chances to improve and grow. Help your child prevent or overcome perfectionism by challenging them to fail bigger. Make it a game for them to try activities that don’t come easy for them. Have them come to you and tell you how they failed. Applaud their failure as a chance to grow. Let your child know that many successful people failed along their way to success, like Oprah who was fired from her first job as a TV anchor. [11] X Research source On the other hand, applaud their successes, but don’t exaggerate them. Focusing too much on success places pressure on children, which makes them less likely to step out of their comfort zones in the future. [12] X Research source
Reach out to adults in your community who your child can forge relationships with, such as teachers, religious or spiritual advisors, coaches, school counselors, relatives or family friends. Tell your child, “I want to make sure you know that someone is always there for you. If you don’t feel comfortable coming to me with an issue, I hope you know your aunt/teacher/coach is willing to listen. ”
No matter how old your child is, help them build an ability to consider other’s emotions. Empathy is grounded in being able to step in someone else’s shoes. While watching TV or reading books, ask your child, “How do you think this character feels?” to get them thinking. [14] X Research source If your child tells you about a friend at school who was bullied, ask them to name some feelings the child might experience (e. g. sadness, embarrassment, rejection, etc. ).
To prevent this, encourage your child to make friends from diverse backgrounds that don’t revolve around status. This helps them to recognize they are worthy not because of who they know, but because of who they are. In addition, emphasize the significance of keeping confidences, demonstrating loyalty, sharing, and resolving conflict. [15] X Research source
Let’s say, your child manipulates a friend by saying, “If you don’t let me play with your doll, I won’t be your friend anymore. ” Pull them aside and suggest that they step into the other person’s shoes. How would they feel if the friend did this to them? Is it fair to hold friendship over their heads? Is there another way to ask to play with the doll without being manipulative? Counteract manipulation by encouraging kindness. Ask your child each day what they did nice for others. Get your child to do anonymous acts of kindness in which they don’t receive any recognition for doing good. [16] X Research source You can also encourage your child to volunteer to help build their empathy for other people.
A professional mental health therapist can work with your child to address the root causes of narcissism and build healthier relational behaviors. Talk to your pediatrician, family doctor, or school counselor for a referral.
