Persistent sad feelings Loss of interest in hobbies, friends and/or sex Excessive fatigue or feeling slowed down in thinking, speaking, or movement Increased or decreased appetite Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much Trouble concentrating and making decisions Irritability Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism Weight loss or gain Thoughts of suicide Aches pains or digestive problems Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness[3] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source
Arrange for your spouse to talk to a therapist. The therapist may make a referral for your spouse to see a psychiatrist. You can also ask your spouse or partner if he or she wants you to be there for moral support. [5] X Trustworthy Source National Alliance on Mental Illness Grassroots mental health-focused organization providing resources, support, and education for those affected by mental illness Go to source If you are not sure where to start, you can also consider making your spouse an appointment with your spouse’s primary care physician to get recommendations.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness website offers many resources, from basic information, to support groups and free courses. The American Psychological Association’s website offers information on depression, a psychologist search tool, and information on books and articles about depression. The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance website includes a variety of resources, such as podcasts, videos, and a support group finder.
Say encouraging things to your spouse every day to let them know that you care. Say something like, “I love you and I am here for you,” before you leave for work. Or acknowledge their accomplishments for the day by saying, “I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished today. ” Let your spouse know that you are there for them by saying something like, “I know you are going through a difficult time right now, and I just want you to know that I am here for you whenever you need to talk. Even if I am not home and you need to talk, call me and I will be there for you. ”
Don’t pressure your spouse into sharing. Just let them know that you are willing to listen when they are ready and give them time. Be attentive as you listen to your spouse. Nod and react appropriately to let them know that you are listening. Try echoing what your spouse has just said now and then during the conversation to let them know that you are paying attention. Avoid getting defensive, trying to take over the conversation, or ending sentences for them. Be patient even though it might be hard sometimes. Continue to make your spouse feel heard by saying things like, “I see,” “Go on,” and “Yes. ”[9] X Research source
Taking over some of your spouse’s usual responsibilities. This may mean taking over some of the tasks your spouse or partner used to be responsible for, such as paying bills, talking to people who knock at the front door, dealing with neighborhood disputes, etc. Ask your partner what you could do to help if you are not sure. Keep in mind that you won’t be taking over your spouse’s responsibilities forever, just until he or she recovers. You can also enlist the help of friends and family. Making sure your spouse is taking care of his or her physical needs. Make sure that your spouse is eating well, getting moderate exercise, sleeping well, and taking his or her medications. Sitting in on some counseling sessions, if possible or desirable (but don’t force your spouse or partner to agree to let you sit in). [11] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
Make sure your spouse understands how much you love them and that you will support them through this difficult time no matter what. Tell them that you know it’s not their fault. Make sure they know that you understand if they can’t meet certain household obligations. Things that you consider normal everyday tasks such as feeding the dog, cleaning the house or paying the bills might be overwhelming to them. Always talk about the illness creating the thoughts in your spouse or partner, and that it is the illness that causes him or her to think things are terrible, impossible, unfixable, etc. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings and promise to work out a solution together. [13] X Research source
Remember to praise your spouse or partner whenever they’re doing something that benefits them and makes them feel better. A simple statement like “Thanks for mowing the lawn. It looks beautiful. I really appreciate it” could mean a lot to a person with depression.
If you don’t have kids, consider inviting a couple of good friends over. Just make sure that you invite friends that your spouse feels really comfortable around.
Threats or talk of suicide Statements implying they don’t care about anything or won’t be around anymore Giving away their stuff; making a will or funeral arrangements The purchase of a gun or other weapon Sudden, unexplained cheerfulness or calm after a period of depression If you observe any of this behavior get help right away! Call a health care professional, mental health clinic or the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (can also be texted) to get advice about what action to take. [17] X Research source
Get enough sleep, eat well, keep exercising, and keep in touch with family and friends for emotional support. Set aside some alone time to step away from the situation. Consider getting therapy or joining a support group since this may help you cope better with your spouse’s depression. [19] X Research source Reduce your stress at work and other situations. Having too many sources of stress will wear you down. You’ll also need to deal with the impacts of your spouse’s or partner’s depression on your kids; seek advice from your doctor and other health professionals in charge of caring for your kids’ well-being.
