Oftentimes, a bad mood leaves someone looking for a fight. If your husband had a bad day at work, for example, he may overreact to a small indiscretion on your part. If you know your husband is in a bad mood, do not take it personally if he snaps at you. [1] X Trustworthy Source Mind U. K. -based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems. Go to source If your husband is angry and trying to cause an argument, the best response is to tune him out. Ignoring provocation may feel like defeat. However, it’s actually more productive. An angry person is not going to listen to logic or reason and will not relent even when you try to apologize or defend yourself. If your husband tries to bait you into an argument, simply respond with short phrases, like “Yes” or “Okay” until he gives up and leaves you alone. [2] X Research source This is not a longterm solution. In the immediate moment, ignoring your husband’s anger can be a good means of coping but it’s not something you should regularly have to do. On occasion, everyone slips up and lashes out at a loved one due to a bad day or bad mood. However, when it’s a regular occurrence it can become a real problem. If your husband is temperamental by nature, you should have a sit down talk with him about this behavior.
If it’s late and you and your husband are arguing, tell him you’re going to bed. Try to ignore whatever he did to upset or frustrate you. You can try relaxation techniques, like flexing your toe muscles, deep breathing, and counting exercises. These will help you ignore the situation and fall asleep faster. If you’re arguing late at night, you’re more likely to say something you don’t mean. Your brain deteriorates when you’re tired, making it difficult to explain your frustrations to your partner. You’ll also be more irritable later at night. By morning, you’ll have a more positive outlook and be better equipped to work through the problem and make up.
Unfortunately, some bad habits simply do not change. Your husband may consistently forget to throw out the orange juice container when it’s empty even when you remind him multiple times. In this case, it might be best to just resign yourself to doing this task on your own. Accepting your husband’s bad habits can make them easier to ignore. [3] X Trustworthy Source Mind U. K. -based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems. Go to source You can also settle for a partial victory in some situations. Your husband might never remember to put his dirty towel in the hamper after a shower, for example, but maybe he’ll stop leaving it on the floor of your bedroom. [4] X Research source Detach yourself from your behaviors that annoy you. Don’t take it personally. A bad habit, like leaving the lights on in an empty room, is simply his own bad habit. It has nothing to do with how much he values or respects you.
When your husband is in the room, acknowledge his present in somewhat formal ways. While you may normally be more casual at home, when ignoring your husband try to act as if you’re being polite to someone at a party you’re attending. Nod when he speaks, smile when appropriate, but don’t engage him in small talk or other conversation. [5] X Research source You can also try to avoid being in the same room as your husband. For example, you could move to the bedroom if he’s in the living room. You can let him know by excusing yourself in a brief, formal manner. For example, say something like, “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to go upstairs. "
You should let your husband know upfront if you’re upset about something and need space for a few days. If you’re too angry to talk about it, write him a letter or send him an e-mail explaining yourself. Do not simply ignore him without warning.
Is there anything you could be doing differently in your marriage? Are you not as present as you used to be? Do you sometimes take your husband for granted? Are there ways you could engage with annoying behaviors in good humor?[7] X Research source Is there a deeper issue that’s bothering you? If you’re stressed or unhappy about something, even if it’s unrelated to your marriage, this can come out in subtle ways. For example, if you’re unhappy at work you may be more irritable. You may find yourself wanting to tune out your husband’s anecdote about his trip to the gym. If there’s something in your life that’s bothering you, talk to your husband about your concerns. Then, make an effort to change your circumstances so you’re a happier person overall.
Choose a place free of distractions. Don’t talk about your marriage in a crowded restaurant, for example. Instead, agree to sit down in the living room with the television set off. Avoid external time constraints. For example, if you have a PTA meeting at 7 o’clock don’t plan to talk about your marriage at 6 o’clock. Pick a weekday or weekend night when neither of you have plans or external commitments.
An “I” statement should focus primarily on how you feel about a situation. You want to take responsibility for your own feelings. This minimizes judgement. You’re not stating an objective fact about your marriage. You’re merely expressing your feelings about a situation. An “I” statement has 3 parts. You start with “I feel,” then state your emotion, and then explain why you feel that way. When discussing your marriage, do not say something like, “It’s inconsiderate when you lash out at me after a bad day at work. " Instead, phrase this using an “I” statement. Say something like, “I feel hurt when you take out a lousy workday on me because I don’t want to be in a relationship where getting yelled at is the norm. "
If your husband has an anger problem, this warrants discussion. As stated, it can be healthy to ignore anger in the moment. However, if your husband habitually lashes out at you when he’s mad you need to have a sit down talk. [9] X Research source Addiction is toxic to a relationship. If your husband has a problem with drugs or alcohol, you should talk to him about seeking treatment. Do not just ignore the problem. [10] X Research source Unless you have an open marriage, affairs should not be ignored. If you suspect infidelity, confront your husband. [11] X Research source
Even minor things, like going grocery shopping or taking out the garbage, deserve a “thank you” and a kiss. Most people get a buzz of happiness when someone expresses gratitude or affection. You often forget to appreciate someone if you’ve been together for a long time. Try to periodically remind yourself how you would react if your husband was a stranger. You wouldn’t hesitate to say “Thank you” if a stranger opened a door for you or offered your a seat on the bus. Do not forget to thank your husband.
