A bird’s nest custody arrangement works best if you have joint or fairly equal custody. [3] X Research source
A one-bedroom apartment, studio, or even a shared condo or house might work fine. It’s possible to rent a place with your ex. However, you’ll probably feel like you are invading each other’s space. For this reason, each parent should probably have their own residence outside the home. [4] X Research source
If money is tight, check whether you can stay with friends or family, at least at first.
It’s possible that a bird’s nest custody agreement will be part-time, at least until you sell your house or until your young children reach a certain age. [6] X Research source In that case, it might succeed. Bird’s nest agreements typically work best for couples that had cooperated well while married. If you and your ex disagreed on rules or practices while married, it may not be realistic to pursue a bird’s nest agreement.
The key is to pick a schedule you can stick with. If you don’t think you can be in the home every other week, then don’t include that in your arrangement.
Ideally, the changeover can happen when the children are at school. For example, one parent leaves by noon on Friday and the other parent arrives before the children return from school.
You might divide all bills 50/50. This works best when both parents make about the same amount of money and you can agree on expenses. You might divide expenses differently if one parent makes a lot more, or if one parent wants extra amenities. For example, your ex can pay for the expensive cable package they want.
If you can afford it, hire someone to come in once a week to clean the house between changeovers. This is a convenient way of dealing with the issue.
Who will hold the title or mortgage? When your divorce is finalized, the judge will divide marital property, so reach an agreement on this. When will you sell? You can stay in the house until your children graduate high school, or you might want to sell earlier. How will you divide the equity when you sell? You might divide it 50/50 if both of you made equal contributions to pay for it.
The more detailed your written agreement, the less likely you’ll have disagreements in the future.
Also tell your children why you are using a bird’s nest custody arrangement. For example, your goal might be to limit any disruption to their lives.
You can find mediators by calling your local courthouse or stopping into your city hall or town’s community center. Because many mediators are also lawyers, you should also contact your local bar association.
Consider attending therapy to help you deal with your personal anger at your ex separately.
