For example, your first step toward intimacy could be something simple, like having a conversation. [3] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy. DLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
Try snuggling up together for a movie, riding a roller coaster together, riding a motorcycle, swimming together, or jet ski, or anything else that requires two people to cozy up to each other. Even simply sitting so that the side of your leg is touching your partner is more affectionate than not doing so. Everyone has to start somewhere!
Don’t write off the time you spend cuddling with your partner - as your relationship grows more serious, you may begin to wish you had more time for it.
Holding hands is also something to do when other romantic gestures are impractical, like when you’re stuffed into the back seat of a cramped car. While hand-holding may not be the most fiery, exciting form of physical intimacy, it is certainly the most versatile.
Of course, it’s pretty unrealistic to assume that every couple is going to have a perfect first kiss, or, in fact, perfect kisses most of the time, so don’t put too much stock in any one kiss. Rather treat kisses as the fun, mutually enjoyable, but serious displays of affection that they are
As long as teasing is done in good humor and with consideration for frustration or hurt feelings on your partner’s part, it’s a great way to infuse any act of physical intimacy with playful passion.
On the emotional side of the intimacy equation, you’ll want primarily to deal with significant sources of stress in your life as they arise, as stress can have a profound negative impact on your ability to enjoy physical intimacy sessions. Exercise regularly. Research has proven that regular exercise literally makes you feel better by releasing chemicals called endorphins into the brain. [6] X Research source These endorphins help produce a euphoric, satisfied sensation, ensuring that you’re in the right mood for physical intimacy. As an added bonus, regular exercise can help you get more fit and attractive! Don’t be afraid to talk to others - including trained professionals - about any mental stresses you’re dealing with in your life. In addition to friends, loved ones, and trusted authority figures like teachers and priests, counselors can help you talk through any issues that are causing you stress and/or interfering with your ability to have satisfying physical intimacy.
For example, let’s say that a couple is having intimacy problems because the more dominant partner in the relationship is self-conscious about their ability as a lover. They are operating with mistaken assumptions of adequacy - basically, they think it’s their job to be the “active”, “experienced” partner. Ironically, this very worry is what keeps them from gaining the seasoned experience and confidence they need to be the best lover they can be. If they saw sex as more of a form of self-expression and less as an opportunity to perform a pre-determined role, they would probably enjoy it more.
Touching and being touched are both equally important, so learn both to give and to receive. If you’re too jittery to receive a massage without breaking into giggles, try relaxing beforehand with some light exercise or a dip in a hot tub.
Getting in the habit of focusing on your partner’s satisfaction is a great idea. If both partners have this giving attitude, sex can become an incredibly gratifying, bond-strengthening activity.
If your schedule simply doesn’t allow you to go to bed at the same time as your partner, try at least to spend some time in bed together - before your partner gets out of bed, for instance. Also, have some way for your partner to signal you that s/he is “in the mood” so that you can make sure to be in bed with him or her when it counts.
Over time, as you gain confidence as a lover, you may eventually find that you’re interested in trying new things that once intimidated you. Listen to your inner voice and never feel a need to compromise in this area.
