If you’re trying to change how you look with the hopes of attracting someone, be careful that you stay true to yourself as you go through the following steps. Only do what feels right for you.
Once you figure out what you like best about yourself, think about how you can play it up.
For example, you can’t change that you’re short, but if you want to, you can give the illusion of looking taller by wearing high heels (women) or shoes with thicker heels (men or women). There are also things you can do with your clothing and hair to help give the appearance of length (for example, if you’re short, you might want to avoid having very long hair or wearing long jackets that reach below the knees, as these things can make you look shorter).
Maybe you hate that your hair is so thick, but with the right hair cut, products, and styling, you might be able to turn that around and really love what you can do with your hair.
Maybe you feel most like yourself with your natural hair and skin tones, wearing neutral clothing. Maybe you feel most like yourself with colorfully dyed hair, piercings, and hand-made, one-of-a-kind outfits. Don’t let society dictate what the best version of you looks like. You are the expert on you.
If you decide that part of your plan to improve your appearance is to exercise more often, being gentle means being realistic about what you can do — for example, if you don’t exercise regularly, start with two days a week and move up from there. Being gentle also means that when you miss a day or make a mistake, you don’t get mad at yourself; you just acknowledge it, forgive yourself, and make a commitment to start fresh tomorrow.
If you decide you want to lose weight, improve your skin, and sleep better, you’ll likely need to implement these changes to your lifestyle in stages. For example, you might start by exercising twice a week and committing to washing your face twice a day with an appropriate cleanser (i. e. one for your skin type — dry, normal, combination, acne-prone) for the first one or two weeks.
Continue to keep your journal as you develop new habits for improving your appearance. This will help you evaluate what works and what doesn’t.
Advice for how much water to drink varies, but the average is 8 (8 oz. ) glasses per day. To verify that you are properly hydrated, check that the color of your urine is clear or very lightly colored, not dark. Dark urine indicates severe dehydration.
If you are lactose intolerant, vegetarian, vegan, celiac or have any other specific dietary requirements, you might even find it useful to consult a nutritionist about the best diet for you. Note that changing your diet is not the same thing as dieting. Unless you’re working with a doctor to decrease your weight significantly, avoid cutting calories or cutting out otherwise healthy foods to lose weight. Diets are infamous for being unsuccessful; when you’re starving and exhausted from a diet, you have less energy and will power to stay on it.
If you’re struggling with a medical condition, be sure to consult your doctor and get their approval before implementing any changes to your lifestyle. If you’re 5’11 and you’ve read that your favourite actor or actress is 110 pounds, be realistic. Being 5’11 and 110 pounds is not healthy. You will be skin and bones!
Ultimately you’ll want to work up to being active for at least 30 minutes each day, with longer, more intense workouts 3-5 days each week. By choosing activities that you enjoy, exercising will feel less like work, and more like a reward. Take a dance class or join a team sport! If you have knee problems, don’t decide that you’re going to start running; swimming would be more appropriate.
If you have trouble sleeping, you might find progressive muscle relaxation helpful. Lying in bed before sleep, close your eyes and take some deep breaths, drawing an awareness to your body. Beginning at the top of your head and working down your body, tense your muscles and then release them. An appropriate order would be as follows: forehead, eyebrows, eyes, cheeks, nose, mouth, jaw, neck, shoulders, upper arms, forearms, hands, fingers (make a fist), chest, upper stomach, lower stomach, pelvis, buttocks, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet, toes. Once you’re done, tense your entire body and hold it for a moment before letting go. For those of us that work at home, it can be difficult to transition from work to sleep, especially if the home is small/a specific office space is not available. If you suffer from insomnia, it’s important to dedicate a specific area to sleep, and only sleep. Don’t bring your work into this area. Make your bed your sanctuary. Oils and herbs might also be helpful in relaxing you before sleep. These can vary from essential oils such as lavender and neroli to herbs like valerian root. If you choose to take supplements, consult your doctor or specialist to ensure that they are safe to take with anything else you may be taking, or with any medical conditions you may have.
Rewards could include buying a nice article of clothing or treating yourself to a spa day, or even buying that video game you like (as long as it doesn’t take away from the time you spend exercising!) or saving up/paying for that pricey exercise class/club membership you’ve been wanting.
You’ll likely see one of four types: normal (occasional zits but no problem areas), combination (often a combination of dry on cheeks, oily on forehead, nose and chin), oily/acne-prone, and dry/sensitive (some flakiness, often sensitive to scented cleansers).
You might find that the doctor/dermatologist recommends a medication, topical cream, or a combination of both. If you’re a male and you shave your face, try shaving in the same direction as your hair growth to avoid breakouts caused by irritation.
To target a pimple or any other redness on your face, you can try putting a dab of green cover-up on there before going over it with one that matches your skin tone. Note that wearing makeup can exacerbate acne, although some brands do claim to help fight it.
If you have any medical conditions related to your eyes, check with your doctor before using eye drops.
When selecting a soap it may be tempting to go for something that smells great, but strong-smelling soap can irritate skin. You’re safer purchasing an unscented soap or something designed for your particular skin type (for example, if you have oily skin and have acne on your back, you may want to seek out a soap designed for oily, acne-prone skin).
A good rule of thumb is to wash undershirts, underwear and exercise clothes after each wear (with the exception of bras, which you can wear several times before washing); wash tops after one or two wears, depending on how much you perspire; wash pants after five or six wears; and coats every one or two months. [2] X Research source Washing your pajamas regularly (after three to four wears) may also help you avoid acne, if you have it in places other than your face.
Scents come in several categories of smell: aromatic (grass-spicy), chypre (moss, patchouli, bergamot), citrus (tart scents like grapefruit or mandarin), floral (freshly picked flowers — note that floral and fruity can often overlap), leather (smoky, tar, combined with floral and tart scents), oriental (musk, vanilla, resin, wood combined with florals and spices), and woody (warm, sandalwood, dry/sharp cedar, balmy often combined with aromatic and citrus). Be careful not to wear too much cologne or perfume. In this case, too much is far worse than not enough. If you’re unsure of how much to put on, start small, with only a few spritzes. You might even try spraying it in front of you and then walking through it.
Are you edgy or more subdued? Are you extroverted and like a lot of attention? Or, do you like attention but would prefer to wear neutral clothes and then surprise people with your personality. Take a look through your closet—are there any styles, fits, or colors that you tend to gravitate toward? This can help you get an idea of your personal style. [3] X Expert Source Ashley KahnWardrobe Stylist Expert Interview. 30 September 2020. It’s sometimes necessary to acknowledge that finding a style that is true to you is not always possible, whether due to financial or work constraints. For example, if you’re a nurse, you’re limited to a specific style of uniform; you may be able to show your personality through the patterns that you choose for that uniform, though.
In general, women have four body types: apple (top heavy, with big busts and thinner legs), straight/rectangular (waist and hips are roughly equal, “boyish”), pear (bottom heavy, with hips significantly larger than bust), and hourglass (equal hip and bust measurements, with a narrow waist). In general men have four body types too: average (with broad shoulders tapering down to the waist), inverted triangle (athletic, with moderate to heavy muscle definition), rectangular (skinny or narrow in build, with the waist and the shoulders being the same width), or the triangle (a more pronounced midsection with narrower shoulders). [4] X Research source
If you’re a woman and you have an apple body type, you’ll likely wear something that accentuates your slender legs and draws attention away from your broad shoulders or thick middle. If you’re a man with a triangle body type, you’ll want to try to make your shoulders look broader and your midsection look narrower; structured, simple shirts are your best bet. Opt for clothes that fit you well. Don’t wear clothes that are way too big or too small. Also, when you’re buying jeans that contain lycra or spandex, go down a size—that way, they’ll still fit once they stretch out. [5] X Expert Source Ashley KahnWardrobe Stylist Expert Interview. 30 September 2020.
If you have a warm skin tone, you’ll have yellow undertones. Warm skin tones often have greenish veins. Warm-toned people look good in earthy shades: burnt orange, cream, sunny yellow, brown, dark green, autumn red. If you have a cool skin tone, there’ll be pink undertones. Cool skin tones often have blueish veins. Cool-toned people look good in “cool” colors: black, royal blue, navy, gray.
Improving your appearance is largely about improving your confidence, so it’s important to ensure that you always feel good about how you look — even if you’re just in your PJ’s. If you’re unsure of what to get rid of and what to keep, invite a friend or two over to give you advice. You can make a night of it by offering to get them dinner in exchange for their help.
Look for great basic pieces that you can mix and match with clothing you already have. [8] X Expert Source Ashley KahnWardrobe Stylist Expert Interview. 30 September 2020. When you buy shoes, be sure they fit comfortably! It’s hard to be stylish in shoes that are too tight or too big. [9] X Expert Source Ashley KahnWardrobe Stylist Expert Interview. 30 September 2020.
For example, maybe you always wear black, but bold accessories. For a woman this might mean a big, chunky, bright necklace with bright lipstick. For a man this might mean a brightly patterned tie with vintage cuff-links.
A square face can look great with a more edgy, angular cut such as a chin-length bob. Softer layers can also work. An oval face will look more balanced with layers, no matter the length. Bangs can also give the long, oval face a more balanced appearance. Heart-shaped faces often have great high cheekbones. Accentuate those with short layers or long bangs.
If you have a cool skin tone, you can go with dark, “harsher” shades like black or, if you’re feeling adventurous, blue. If you have a warm skin tone, you’re better off sticking with earthier shades like red, copper, or a rich, warm brown. If you can afford it, always get your hair professionally colored. This way, you can consult the stylist on what he or she thinks will work best with your skin tone, and in general the quality of the products is higher, so you’ll likely cause less damage to your hair.
For men, facial shape is more relevant here. For example, men with a heart-shaped face might find it useful to grow a goatee or beard to help balance out the upper part of their face.
Maybe one morning your clothes feel a bit tight and you think, “God I’m so fat. I’m so ugly. I can’t believe I’ve gained weight. I’m such a loser. ” Think to yourself, “I acknowledge that negative response to my tight clothes. Yes, my clothes are a bit tight, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m not uglier because of it. I’m not stupid. I’m not a loser. My clothes are just a bit tight. That is all. ” Then, counter with positive talk: “I was great in that meeting yesterday,” or, “I’m proud that I am trying to improve my self image. ”
Smile. Nothing crazy or too wide, but a light, relaxed smile will show that you’re happy to talk to them. Look at them with your chin angled down rather than up, so as not to appear as though you’re “looking down on them. ” Avoid a full frontal display; instead, face them at a slight angle to avoid looking too dominant. Avoiding any closing off or compressing gestures — open palms, open eyes, high eyebrows, open (not compressed) lips.
In a conversation, being charismatic means telling great stories, having a sense of humour, and, above all else, focusing on the other person. Ask them for advice, ask them follow-up questions when they tell you a story. Validate their opinions and don’t be judgmental.
There are various vocal levels, and each of them have different effects on the listener: nasal (high pitched, whiny), mouth (makes sound but is not very powerful; is easy to ignore), chest (used by many men and women, sounds pleasant, can generally maintain interest, nothing negative, just not the best), diaphragm voice (commands attention, most attractive, sounds strongest and most natural). To help you learn how to speak from your diaphragm, practise breathing deeply (imagine inflating your belly) rather than shallowly (into your chest). Not only will this help your voice sound better, it’ll also help you feel more relaxed and focused. If you really struggle with having confidence due to your voice, you might consider investing in a voice coach or at least looking up some vocal coaching videos online.
How you smile will depend on your situation — for example, you might smile with your teeth in a photo or when talking to people at a party, but prefer a less intense, closed-mouth smile if you’re trying to get someone’s attention from across the room.
When people know you’re consistent, and they know what to expect, they’re more likely to want to be around you. If they know you’re sometimes fun but sometimes a real downer, they might be nervous to approach you. As you work towards improving your appearance you might find that you seek out certain icons or gurus as models of what you want to be like. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you don’t wind up constantly comparing yourself to them and/or trying to be just like them. This is about becoming the best you that you can be — not the best mimic of someone else.
