Use hopeful statements. Be optimistic and avoid the self-fulfilling prophecy of pessimism. If you expect bad things, they often occur, a plausible reason for this could be the fact that we get scared from our own statements. For example, if you anticipate a presentation going poorly, it just might. Instead, be positive. Tell yourself, “Even though it’s going to be a challenge, I can handle this presentation. " Focus on “can” and avoid “should” statements. “Should” statements imply that there is something you ought to be doing and this might cause you to feel pressured if you can’t meet these expectations. Instead, focus on what you CAN do rather than wasting your time thinking about what you can’t do. Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you’ve used to cope with challenging situations. Be your own cheerleader. Give yourself positive encouragement and credit for the positive things you do. For example, you might note that although you’re not getting all the exercise you’d like to be getting, you have been doing to the gym one extra day a week Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, “My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal. "
Make sure your goals and expectations are realistic. [4] X Research source Striving for the impossible will only deflate, not enhance, self-esteem. For example, don’t suddenly decide that at age 40 your dream is to play professional hockey. This is unrealistic and your self-esteem will likely take a hit once you realize how far away and unattainable that goal is and also getting back to the original self-esteem that you had will take some time and effort. [5] X Research source Instead, set more realistic goals, like deciding to learn how to play the guitar or a new sport. Setting goals that you can consciously work towards and eventually meet can help you stop the cycle of negative thinking that services low self-esteem. When you set and meet goals successfully, you will feel a sense of fulfillment and more able to let go of your feelings of low self-esteem for not meeting idealistic and fundamentally unattainable life goals, like being the perfect girlfriend or perfect cook or perfect whatever. You could also set goals that help to you see and feel your own competencies. For example, if you feel like you want to be better informed about the world, decide that you are going to read a newspaper every day for a month. Or, say you want to empower yourself in knowing how to fix your own bike and opt to learn how to do your own tune-up. Meeting goals that address things that help you feel powerful and capable will help you feel better about yourself as a whole.
Eat at least three meals a day that are based on healthy and nutrient-rich foods, such as whole grains, poultry and fish, and fresh vegetables to keep yourself energized and nourished. Drink water to hydrate your body. Avoid processed, sugary, and caffeinated foods and/or drinks. These can affect your mood and should be avoided if you’re concerned about mood swings or negative emotions. Exercise. Research has shown that exercise can give a real boost to self-esteem. This is because exercise causes the body to release the “happy chemicals” called endorphins. This feeling of euphoria can be accompanied by increased positivity and energy. Try to get up to at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise at least three times a week. At the very least, set aside time for a brisk walk every day. [7] X Trustworthy Source MedlinePlus Collection of medical information sourced from the US National Library of Medicine Go to source Reduce stress. Make a plan to reduce the stress of your everyday life by designating time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy. Meditate, take a yoga class, garden, or do whatever activity makes you feel calm and positive. Note that being stressed can sometimes make it easier for people to overreact or let negative feelings dominate. [8] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source [9] X Research source
Grab a notebook or journal and set a timer for 20-30 minutes. During this time, write a list of all of your accomplishments. Keep in mind that everything should be included, from big accomplishments to the little everyday things. Your list can include things like learning how to drive, going to college, moving into your own apartment, making a great friend, cooking a fancy meal, getting a degree or diploma, getting your first “adult” job, and so on. The possibilities are endless! Return to the list periodically to add to it. You’ll see that you have lots to be proud of. Scan through old photos, scrap books, yearbooks, trip mementos, or even consider making a collage of your life and accomplishments to date.
Experiment with new activities; you might learn about talents or skills you didn’t know you possessed. Maybe you take up running track and discover that you are really good at long-distance running, something you’d never thought of before. This can help increase your self-esteem. [11] X Research source Consider taking up artistic activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance. Artistic endeavors often help people learn how to express themselves and attain a sense of ‘mastery’ of a subject or skill. Lots of community sentences offer free or reasonably-priced classes.
There are endless opportunities to help others in the world. Volunteer at a retirement home or a homeless shelter. Get involved with your church in a ministry to the sick or the poor. Donate your time and service to a humane animal shelter. Be a Big Brother or Big Sister. Clean up a local park on a community-organized occasion.
Evaluate yourself based on the NOW and your current skills, interests, and beliefs, and not on some past version of yourself.
Focus on effort rather than the desire for perfection. If you don’t try something because you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly, then you don’t stand a chance in the first place. If you never try out for the basketball team it’s a guarantee that you won’t make the team. Don’t let the pressure to be perfect hold you back. [14] X Research source Accept that you are a human being and that human beings are fundamentally imperfect and make mistakes. Maybe you spoke too harshly to your child or told a white lie at work. It’s okay. People make mistakes. Instead of berating yourself for your errors, view them as opportunities to learn and grow and as things that you can rectify in the future. Maybe you’ll realize that you need to think more carefully before you speak or that lying is never a good thing to resort to. Forgive yourself and move forward; this isn’t easy but it’s key to avoiding that cycle of self-pity and low self-esteem.
You may also need to think about people who make you feel badly about yourself. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior; what you can control is how you respond and how you let their behavior impact you. If another person is unjustly rude, mean, or dismissive or disrespectful towards you, understand that he may have his own problems or emotional issues that is causing him to act negatively towards you. However, if this person is triggering your low self-esteem, it is best if you can walk away or remove yourself from situations where that person is present, particularly if they respond negatively if you try to confront him about his behavior. While other people’s opinions and ideas have their place in your life, don’t set your life according to them. Listen and take on board what works for you. You are the governor of your own life. No one else can do that for you.
Turning positives into negatives - You discount your achievements and positive experiences. For example, if you get a promotion, instead of seeing it as a reward for your hard work, you diminish your personal responsibility: “I only got the promotion because the boss lives in my neighborhood. " All-or-nothing or binary thinking - In your mind, life and everything you do only has two paths. Things are either good or bad, positive or negative, etc. For example, if you don’t get in to your top-school but get into five others, you still insist that you’re a total failure and worthless because you didn’t get into Harvard. You see things as either all good or all bad. Mental filtering - You see only the negative side of things and filter out everything else. This usually results in distortions of individuals and situations. For example, if you made a typo on a report, you assume that the report is now worthless and that your boss is going to think you’re stupid and not up to the job. " Jumping to negative conclusions - You assume the worst when there is almost no evidence to support that contention. For example, “My friend didn’t respond to the invite I just sent a half hour ago so she must hate me. " Mistaking feelings for facts - You infer that how you feel is reflective of a larger fact. For example, “I feel like a total failure, so I must be a total failure. " Negative self-talk - You talk to yourself in negative terms, including put-downs, name-calling, and self-deprecating humor. For example, if you’re five minutes late, you scold yourself repeatedly and call yourself “stupid. "
Such exercises can help you get some distance from your thoughts so you can observe them with greater objectivity, almost like you are an outside observer. You will also see that these negative and self-defeating thoughts are really just words, nothing more. And words can be changed. [17] X Research source
Instead of trying to control negative thoughts, endeavor to lessen the power they hold over you. Realize that negative thoughts are counterproductive and try not to let them fundamentally affect how you feel about yourself or your value in the world.
For example, if you tell yourself you are ugly, you could tell yourself that you look nice today. If you tell yourself you never do anything right, tell yourself that you do lots of things right and give some specific examples. Consider doing this exercise in a journal to keep track of your positive thoughts. Read them before you go to bed and when you get up. Make signs on post-it notes with these positive statements and put them where you can see them, such as on the bathroom mirror. This can help reinforce these statements and ingrain them in your mind. Hopefully, over time, the positive thoughts will supplant the negative ones.
What you should focus on is yourself. Compete against yourself. Challenge yourself to be better. You want the scholarship? Then challenge yourself to get it next year but putting in more hours of school work outside of class. Remember, the only behavior you can control is your own, so that’s what you should focus on.
