Practice active listening. This means maintaining eye contact at all times and smiling and nodding when appropriate. You should also give verbal cues, such as saying, “I see” on occasion. [2] X Expert Source Adina Zinn, MPACertified Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 March 2022. If you’re unsure how to respond to something, listening can help. You can ask a question regarding what the speaker just said. For example, “That sounds like an interesting career path. Can you tell me more?"[3] X Expert Source Adina Zinn, MPACertified Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 March 2022.
Try this simple mindfulness meditation. Sitting or lying in a comfortable position, breathe deeply, focusing all of your attention on your breath. Your eyes may be open or closed, although you may find that closing them makes it easier to focus. Practice this exercise for 15 minutes every day.
Make sure to keep your compliments honest. People can usually detect when your’e not being genuine, and may feel uncomfortable and annoyed. You should also avoid vague compliments (i. e. , “Oh, that’s cool. “) as these also may come off as disingenuous. When you think of something positive to say, say it. Allow compliments to occur organically. For example, “Wow, teaching sounds so hard. I really admire how much work you put into your career. " You can also use questions as compliments. Questions flatter the person by showing your interest. For example, you might say, “I’m fascinated by your work. Can you tell me more?”
Remember a conversation pause is natural. The other person may feel slightly awkward as well, so take comfort in the fact you’re not alone. Try to accept things may be quiet for a few moments. If you feel anxious, take a couple of deep breaths, and focus on relaxing and softening your body. This can help reduce the anxiety response in your brain. Think of a new topic to introduce that you’re genuinely interested in. If you immediately start talking about something you don’t care about to fill the void, this will only make the situation more uncomfortable for everyone. Give yourself a few moments to think of something to say that will carry the conversation forward in a meaningful manner.
Do not slouch or look away from the other person. Always stand up straight and face the person head on. Maintain eye contact most of the time. Look away on occasion, however, as too much eye contact can come off as intimidating. Don’t forget to smile, when appropriate. Smiling shows warmth and enjoyment, and helps keep you calm, too!
Someone may fold their arms if something you said made them feel defensive. If you, say, express a political belief, folded arms could indicate the person does not agree. Watch eye contact. If someone breaks eye contact, they may have lost interest in what you’re saying. If someone’s tone gets louder, you may have said something that’s making them emotional. You may want to introduce a less emotionally charged subject to the conversation. If the person turns away from you or begins to move away, this may indicate they’re ready for the conversation to end.
Don’t be afraid to bring up more personal topics, too! Talking about something personal encourages other people in the conversation to dig a little deeper. Plus, people tend to feel less awkward when talking about things they feel deeply about. [10] X Expert Source Adina Zinn, MPACertified Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 March 2022. You can return to a previous topic. For example, “So, you said you teach college classes?” You can also introduce a new subject altogether. You can make conversation by looking to things in the room or drawing on topics from the outside world. For example, “I can’t believe it’s going to snow this week. It’s March already. " It may help to have a few topics on hand that you use to continue a conversation. Safe topics include weather, non-controversial current events, sports, pets, and movies or television. Before a social event, you may want to make a mental list of conversation starters.
Don’t make a big deal out of a poorly timed comment. Try to laugh it off. Say something like, “Sorry. That sounded better in my head. " Other people feel awkward as well over a strange or inappropriate comment. They will feel more at ease seeing you’re able to laugh at yourself. However, if you suspect you’ve deeply offended the person, apologize sincerely and avoid joking or making excuses.
Make a point of consciously pausing after every sentence. Give the other person a chance to respond. Avoid talking over people. Make sure someone has finished a sentence before interjecting. If you catch yourself doing this, don’t panic! Just offer a light-hearted apology and ask them to finish their thought.
Find a natural way to excuse yourself. For example, if you’re at a bar, say something like, “I’m going to grab another drink. " You can also join another conversation. For example, say something like, “Do you want to come meet some of my friends?” Integrate the person you’re talking to into an existing conversation.
If the speaker mentions something you’re also interested in, make that the focus of the conversation. If you both, say, have an interest in horror movies, strike up a discussion about this. You should also strive to subtly mimic someone’s body language. The speaker will unconsciously think of you as similar to them if you have the same mannerisms. This will make them want to continue the conversation. Bringing mutual friends into the conversation can also help with finding common ground and breaking the ice.
