That said, you probably shouldn’t mention that you’ve been asking other people about her or scrolling through her Facebook profile. You don’t want her to think that you’ve been watching her a little too closely.
Just say something like, “Hi, I’m Sarah. It’s great to meet you. What’s your name?” And take it from there. Don’t ask her too many questions or tell her too much about yourself right away or she will get overwhelmed. Take it easy and give your friendship time to blossom. Try to find a time when the girl is by herself so you have her attention. If you try to talk to her while she’s with too many other people, you may not make as much of an impression.
Her hobbies Her family Her favorite TV shows, actors, musicians, and movies Her summer plans Her pets
Your siblings Your favorite after school activities Your favorite things to do with friends Your favorite foods Your most interesting experiences Anything unique from your past
“I love that brooch—it’s so funky. Is it a family heirloom?” “That’s an awesome sweater. I feel like I could never pull off such a pink color, but it looks great on you. ” “You’re so good with new people. I bet you can start a conversation with anybody. ”
If she’s the moody type, then you shouldn’t take it personally if she seems happy one minute and upset the next; don’t just assume that it’s your fault and know that these things pass. If she’s more shy, then you should know it will take her a bit longer to begin to trust you. Be patient and don’t rush her into being BFFs right away. If she’s a bit quirky, then you should explore the oddball part of yourself. Ask her to do something less mainstream with you, like going to a bluegrass festival or making your own sushi, instead of doing something more expected, like walking around the mall.
You can say something like, “Hey, I know you love Lily Allen—she’s actually having a concert in town in a few weeks, and I’m going with a few friends. Do you want to come with us?” You can also say, “Want to cram for the next history exam together? I know I have some trouble focusing when I’m on my own…” Be casual about it and don’t put too much pressure on her. Say something like, “Let me give you my number. Maybe we can catch up over the weekend. ”
Make sure that she’s checking in on you, too. If you feel like you’re always the one who calls or texts her, then you should back off a bit so there’s more of a balance. Checking in to see how she’s doing, especially if she’s had a hard day, shows that you care about more than just yourself and that you’re a person who is worth getting to know.
Don’t always be the one who is asking her to hang out. She should ask you to spend time together, too. You can start off by hanging out in groups and then do something alone together, like grabbing froyo or going to a yoga class. Once you get to know each other better, your time together won’t feel so planned and you’ll be able to just hang out with having an activity in mind.
If you’re mean or cold to her other friends, they’ll tell her to stay away from you. Try your best to make a good impression, and they’ll want to spend more time with you. Plus, if you put down the girl’s other friends, then you’ll look like you’re insecure and not happy with your friendship.
You don’t need to start dressing like her, acting like her, or mimicking the way she talks, in order to be closer with her. In fact, doing this can make her wary of you. If other people have pointed out that you’ve been acting more and more like your new friend, try to focus on emphasizing your own interests and personality.
However, don’t worry if you don’t think you have a million things in common, either. Sometimes the most important thing you can have in common are your dispositions. If you have a similar take on the world even if you don’t have many of the same interests, that can take you far. You can also introduce each other to some of your favorite things to make your relationship stronger. Your new friend may love to check out a dance class with you, and you may have a great time at a Nicki Minaj concert with her.
Your friend may not always be able to admit it when she needs help. However, if you clearly see that she’s struggling and could use some support, then you shouldn’t be shy about giving it to her as long as she doesn’t feel smothered. Just make sure you take turns. You shouldn’t be the one doing favors for her all the time and you don’t want to feel like she’s taking advantage of you.
If you really don’t get along with her family, don’t make a big deal about it. Just try to be as friendly as you can. You can also get your friend to meet your family and friends, too, so you’re more involved in each other’s lives.
Your friend will turn to you for support and you shouldn’t make her feel like she’s fat, stupid, or inferior to you. Work on building her up and making your friendship stronger. Of course, you don’t want to smother her with affection, either. Make an effort to make her feel good about herself as long as she does the same for you.
Who knows, if you really like whatever you’ve tried, then that can become “your thing” that you always do together. You could be building a new tradition without even knowing it!
If something is clearly wrong but she doesn’t want to talk about it, then you should tell her you’re ready to talk when she’s ready without forcing it. Your best friend should be there for you during the bad days, too. Your support network will grow stronger with your best friend at your side.
You don’t want your best friend to feel smothered by you. Let her do her own thing without asking what she’s up to all the time. If she’s out with other friends, you don’t always have to invite yourself along, either. Spending time pursuing your own interests, whether you’re writing songs or learning French, will help you grow as an individual apart from your best friend.
Your connection should be so strong that you don’t need to see each other to feel close. Still, if you really care, you should make an effort to have your best friend in your life.
Be accepting of the changes going on in your best friend’s life. Don’t be frustrated if you think she’s not the same person you’ve always known. Your best friend should be accepting of who you are, too. You don’t always have to have the same political views or favorite food, and you should be comfortable discussing those changes with her.
You don’t have to ditch the girl completely just because you don’t think she’s BFF material. You can still be friends with her, or even casual acquaintances. When it comes down to it, you can never have too many friends.
