Say the opposite of what you mean when someone asks you a specific question: “Yeah, I aced that test. I’m a mathlete, you didn’t know? My professorship at MIT comes through next week. " Give obviously-wrong answers to questions. If someone asks, “Where have you been?” a good sarcastic answer might be, “Me and Steve were up in the mountains skinning rabbits and trading the pelts for rocket supplies. The operation’s really humming. Where have YOU been?” Exaggerate your response. If someone says, “You look like crap today” come back with, “Apologies, master. To the stocks with I. Shall I bring ‘round the Pinto?”
“Is that all the words you know? Stunning. " “You can stop talking now. We’re all getting dumber. " “If I wanted to listen to that much crap I’d stick my head in a cow’s butt. " “I would sew my forehead to the carpet to get you to stop talking. "
“Nice shirt. Shopping in the douche section again?” “You dress like my dentist. Except you’re not rich and you do nothing for me. " “It smells like there are mice in your hair again. You should check. " “Where I’m from, when people dress like that, they’re trying to steal paint cans from my shed. "
“You’re dressed like Chairman Mao at a pool party. Seriously. " “You look kind of like my uncle when he has a hangover from mouthwash. " “You’re like the Michael Jordan of being super annoying. " “You smell like Hulk Hogan’s shower. "
a distinctive mannerism or gesture a common phrase the person uses a way of walking the person’s accent or other verbal tic
Comedians use “beats,” which are the length of about a breath, to let the previous statement sink in before coming back with the punch line. It’s a better way to be funny than talking quickly and running over your own jokes.
If you’re making fun of someone and they withdraw from you and your friends, apologize to them later. Let them know you’re just teasing and be nice to them for a while without making extra jokes.
Never make someone for their race, sexual orientation, or other areas that they may be sensitive about. Everyone is fighting a big battle. Be nice.
